Coffee and Cigarettes

Weird dreams.

2009-01-15T03:01:00.000-08:00

I had the weirdest dream today. I dreamt of secretly dating a close friend of mine. We were doing this behind another friend who is seriously involved with this close friend or at least thats what I think. Although there was never a confirmation that these two friends are dating.. it doesn't really take a genius to figure it out. Its really weird how our subconcious can easily fuck up reality. I woke up and sent him a message and he replied asking if I'm ok. I just said I had a nightmare and easily dismissed the idea of pouring things out. I replied to tell him that I'm going back to sleep.

But I didn't...because I can't because after the dating scenario, I dreamt of my ex blogging about me and posting my ugliest pictures on the net. He was blogging about his deepest regrets of going out with me and I woke up again. Maybe this is the sole reason why I can't go back to sleep because one of my deepest fears was realized..tho it was only a dream, it feels so real I found myself completely distraught when I woke up. I still dread talking to this ex after I act up sending him sarcastic messages on YM. Tho, I already sent him another message apologizing for my attitude, he ignored me and went offline the instance that I sent him the message. I still see him once in a while online but I never bother to talk to him ever again. I was scared that he'll say something like I'm the biggest regret of his life and he's ashamed of telling everyone that we went out for quite some time.

Anyway, I guess things like this happens. And sometimes you just really need to snap out of it.

2009-01-12T15:49:00.000-08:00

THIS WAS A LOT HELL MORE FUN.

2009-01-09T23:30:00.000-08:00

THIS WAS FUN!!

Dear Mr. BIG

2009-01-09T21:28:00.000-08:00

K: When are you coming over for your training?
Mr. Big: They re-scheduled it some time next week. I think you were on leave the last time I went there.

And here I go again.. this left me wondering half of my day if you came looking for me the last time you went here. I'd like to think that you're just being observant not seeing me popping out in places. But there was that effort.

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is going to burst out of my head as I try to find the answers if I'm really over you.

The last time I saw you just weeks ago, I knew it was there. It was just a hunch but right at that very moment when I look back at it.. I know it was there. It was very quick but I saw it and for some weird reason, there was that distinctive feeling like it was the first time.

It happened almost two years ago but still your presence throws me off balance every fucken' time. And that's something that I can't understand. So unfamiliar.. so unlikely of me. No matter how hard I try, I always feel like something unexplainable pulls me back to you and I don't like that feeling. I don't like it at all.

I know you're happy, that's what the pictures are saying. But then I don't know why I find it so hard to believe. At the back of my head, there's always that notion that everything you have now is just a make believe, some wall that you built all around you to fence you out of your comfort zone. Or maybe, we are just both in the same situation... maybe that's the reason why I'm not hurt because I understand what it feels like being you... because amidst of all these twisted scenarios, I am what you are.

I'd like to believe that I've moved on. That way, its easier. For both of us. I hope that I never go down that road again because it really feels suicidal. I did lose you once, I don't think I can go with the second take. I never believed in second chances but as human, I'm bound to change the things that I once believed in. I love to be with you, to feel the same things that I have felt the first time but something between us felt so wrong the last time, it was very real and it was very devastating. Its inevitable I guess.. to do the right things sometimes and not to get hurt.

So then, I guess its true.. that there will always be that someone who's bound to break your standards, who will break your heart no matter how hard you shield it from unwanted emotions. This is expected I guess.. from someone who got away.

I was distraught when you left me for her. It took me half a year to ease the pain.. this is very emo I know.. but I can't find any means of disposing these emotions. You pierced something so deep in my heart and I realized that it was there all along and that's something that kept me alive the whole time, if I pull it out, I'll die.

I hope that the time will come for me to finally look you straight in the eyes and know for sure that there's nothing there anymore. I hope that there will come a time when I can finally ask the how are you question without the urge of asking you again if you have been thinking of me the whole time that we were apart.

You were never my type. I never like you in the first place... I hate talking to you but there are just things that defies logic when two souls understand each other even if our hearts can't.

I wish that this is the last time that I'll blog about you. I hope this is the last time that I'll feel this way.

And yes, I have moved on... because that's the only decent thing that I can say.

Of Gossip Girl and Cold Holiday Seasons..

2008-12-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching the last episode of Gossip Girl.I'm not much of a fan but the reason why I like the show is simply because of one of its character..Nate. No, I don't like him that much the way I fancy Josh Hartnett or Leonardo Di Caprio.. they're all different stories. I'll blog about it some other time.

See, the reason why I'm so drawn with this character is because I am so much like him. I know, I know I should have seen myself to at least one of the show's hot girls.. but thats just the way things are I guess. Ganun talaga. I just simply thinks that the closest character to me is Nate. I just realized it when I decided to view an ex's blog that I have found in the net ages ago and have kept it a secret from him. Anyways, we don't talk anymore so I guess I'm off the hook for real. Recently, I found out that he's hanging out with some great girl and for some weird reason, I felt really happy for someone for the first time in a long time. This guy has always been great to me and its about time that he finds someone he deserves. I guess thats one common ground that the character and I share. We like too many people. We act on our feelings with so much intense and passion but we are always ready to let go of them when they ask us to. Without a fight. And then just like waking up in the morning.. we move on automatically like clockwork. We tend to always weigh things and rationalize and we always end up doing the right things, no matter how much pain it can cause. We believe that its pain never really goes away.. it just gets easier as time flies. We live. We laugh. We love. We cry and do the same thing over and over again. We go on with the different phases in our lives without a care in the world but always ready to face the unfamiliar.. yeah that's Nate.. and that's me.

I have been feeling a little weird lately.. maybe because of the weather. See, the closest thing that we can get to experience winter season is the usual chilly december nights.. its so freaking cold. Why does it have to be really cold during holiday seasons? Maybe, God or some higher being wants us to realize that its time to share our warmth with the people that we love. People that are important.. people thats always been there.

I have been feeling a little nostalgic these past days, I must admit but that it didn't help me to realize that I'm still living in the reality. Maybe feeling a little mushy is just a phase..especially during holidays.

I am in good terms with Paolo now. The ex that has been a burden for the last 2 years of my life. We are talking now.. my theory is that I am sure that we are both over with each other and that friendship comes naturally I guess. All the dramas subsided and we got nothing left to share but to appreciate how great we are as friends. I have realized that I am finally ready to start a friendship without weird expectations and that nothing can ever hurt me again while I share this with Paolo. There's a mutual sign that says he feels the same way.. and thats a great thing. I am happy to reach this state and I am happier that I'm with someone really great as Alex.

What great realizations as the year ends... I look forward on living my life better for 2009. This year is ending and it will never come back again.. I am grateful for all the experiences and lessons gained.

Thank you, 2008. You will be missed.

Nagbabalik... DRAMA QUEEN.

2008-11-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

Ang tagal kong nawala.. pero wala pa rin nagbabago.

Ako ay BUSY. OO, busy. Walang internet sa kabilang buhay.. kaya hindi nakapag blog ng matagal.

Pero eto na ko ngayon..

Naniniwala na ako sa mga bagay na akala ko ay walang kwenta dati.. katulad ng prediction ni Nostradamus na magkakaroon ng isang black president ang US..

2. Magmumukha kang ULINGLING kapag nagsuot ka ng neon pink, shocking orange at neon green na kulay kapag balat muro-ami ka.

3. Naniniwala akong romantiko pala ang mga intsik matapos akong makapanood ng mga taiwanese dramas gaya ng WHY WHY LOVE, DEVIL BESIDE YOU, HANA KIMI at kung ano ano pang chinovela na ipinalalabas nila sa Channel 2 at 7. Akala ko ay talagang business minded lang sila. Magba blog ako tungkol dito pero etong piece muna na to ang aasikasuhin ko.

4. Naniniwala din akong mas malakas ang appeal ng isang tao kung ang mukha nya ay kasing puti ng mukha ni POWDER. (Ex. Edward Cullen ng Twilight Saga, hit na hit ang promotion ng pelikula kahit na mababaw ang istorya at walang substance.. at mukhang nakipagdigma sa GIANT arina ang mga bida)

5. May mga multong made in Japan kagaya ng bayolenteng multo sa 2nd floor washroom ng office ko na pinangalanan naming ATSI. Akala ko kasi dati mahilig lang silang magparamdam.

6. Ang halloween party ay madalas sinasamantala ng mga bading na matagal ng nagpupuyos ang damdamin na gumet-up ala PARIS HILTON, BEYONCE KNOWLES, centaur, DYOSA, EFFIE WHITE ng Dreamgirls at kung sino sino pang celebrity na kapag ginaya mong magdamit sa regular na araw ay kukuyugin ka ng mga holdaper, exhibitionists at mga pulis.

7. Na walang nagagawa ang friendster, tagged, my space, facebook at kung ano pang mga anik anik, kundi ang pasamain ang loob mo sa tuwing makikita mong mas successful ang buhay ng uhugin mong classmates kesa sa yo.. at mayaman na ang pinakatanga mong kamag aral dahil nakapag asawa ng amerikanong kasing laki ni Triple H.

8. Na may mga taong kakausapin at makikipag kwentuhan sa 'yo para makalibre ng yosi, lighter, kape at candy.

9. Na kahit ilang 4-G, Myra-E, Extraderm, Belo products, Fit and Right,at malunggay capsules ang laklakin ng isang babae ay hinding hindi sila magiging kamukha ni Bea Alonso,Eula Valdez, Kristine Hermosa, Mariel at kung sino sino pang mga endorsers. Nag try yung isang friend ko na mag take ng 4-G capsules ng 3 buwan at ang resulta ay naging kamukha nya si Malou De Guzman aka "Dugong" ng teleseryeng Marina.

10. Na talagang hugis polar bear yung dati kong dine date. Ayaw ko pang maniwala dati pero nung nakita ko sya ulet.. napa atras ako at muntik malulon ang sigarilyong niyoyosi dahil totoo ngang.. isa syang MAAAAAANSTERRRRRRRRRRR size. Pero naisip ko baka naman talagang chubby lang sya dati...sabi ko naman sa inyo, mahilig talaga ako sa matatalino. Mabigat din ang utak nun..pero hindi nya ko pinansin at hindi ako nagtangkang lumapit dahil baka bigla nya akong dambahin at lulunin ng buong buo.. mukha syang kumakain ng mga bata..hindi sanggol kundi mga grade 4 students.

Ayan.. nagbalik na ko... handami ko pa lang na realize nung mga sandaling nagbabakasyon ako sa kabilang buhay.

Happy Day, people!! :)

The irony of E61

2008-07-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

I received a couple of text messages Saturday night. Messages from friends who were all having a good time while I'm stuck attending some family reunion that happens almost every month.

I can't remember the time. What's been running at the back of my head is the desperate feeling of retiring to bed. I really want to go home. But then again, its this simple obligation and commitment that makes everything worth your while.. so they say.. blah blah.. blah.Whatever that means.

I dragged my lazy butt to the girl's washroom while everyone is waiting for me outside the hotel. Best moment of my life. I sighed and whispered to myself.

I was slowly taking my time walking in the hallway. And then I saw him. He was wearing a dark blue shirt and faded denim. I stopped for a while to look at him and he smiled.

From that moment, I felt that the world stopped. He said HI. I didn''t move. Dumbstruck. Disoriented. And I really wished that I look really good in that black dress.

"Hi," I said and smiled back. And for some weird reason as if I was possessed by some idiopathic entity, I muttered in a barely audible voice, "Hi, Piolo. I love you."

He chuckled as if its a normal thing to hear. I froze. And a bunch of screaming staff enveloped him.

I stood there while they take pictures of him.

Until finally, the soft spoken gentle mannered PA asked me.. "Miss, magpapa picture ka rin?"

I looked at my cellphone and I felt that the wrold starts revolving crazily around me. How in Julie Andrew's name did I buy a phone with no camera?????? What was I thinking??

I looked at his kind face and smiled. "No. My phone picture resistant." I felt like crying.

And then after the pictorial.. he walked at our side and asked. "What's wrong?"

"Poor girl, her phone doesn't have camera.."

GOD. KILL ME NOW...

He looked at me again and smiled. And it all happened in a span of a moment... his cheeks touching mine.

"Nice dress," he whispered, "you take care.'

And they both walked away... leaving me in between ecstasy and madness.

GOD. I CAN DIE NOW.....

the interview

2008-07-08T18:11:00.000-07:00

Is it true that you are leaving your previous post?

I have plans at the moment but they are somehow blurry. I'm job hunting, honestly, but the truth is I'm still undecided if I'm going to leave this call center for another one. The solid plan is to take the FSO next year because I feel that I'm really not supposed to be working in a call center. Yeah, people can tell that I have great leadership skills and the pay is somewhat great compared to other day jobs but the thing is.. my passion is with diplomacy and thats something that I should have pursued in the first place but instead I'm stuck here in the call center industry with lots of good looking friends and highly expensive gadgets that I can buy on my whim..but if you ask me if I'm satisfied? Hell no.

Your thoughts in passing the examination?

Geez, really.. I don't know if I can. But its not the freaking bar exam where in you study for the next eight years and all that jazz. I hope I can nail it, really but if not.. there's another year to take it anyway.

Did you get upset that you didn't get the OM post?

Yes and no. I was upset because a lot of people in the panel expected a lot from me and they were very dissapointed when I didn't land the job. But hell! I was the acting OM for almost a year and my rival is a training manager for god knows how long. Judging from the maturity level.. god, she's freakin 35 years old and I'm on my late twenties. Ponder that.

But will you apply again for the same post some time this year?

Yeah. There's no harm in trying. I really think that I'm competetive.

How's the new 29 inch flat screen TV?

AwESoMe!!!!!!! I called in sick the other day to play PS2 the whole day! I didn't even notice that my shift ended!

Is it true that you were dating while with someone?

NO. Hell no. I am just born well mixed thats all. People always think that I'm associated with the next hot guy in the corner but honestly.. they are just really fond of a hot geek like me. Hahahahaha. No kidding.

Your reaction when people say that you are mistreating your reps?

I have never in my entire life mistreated a person. Sure, I'm a bully at times but it comes with boundaries. I don't go overboard with people that I think are very sensitive. I guess I'm just really a straight forward person with no bull.. and a cutthroat at all times.. and people always misunderstood me.

Your plans on settling down?

Yeah.. the hot fiance and I have plans but not in the next 2 years. The plan is to get married in the US and start a family there. I'm not sure if I'll ever get a grand wedding ceremony. The idea gives me goosebumps from time to time.

*an excerpt from the interview that I gave in the local newspaper. Guess what that is...

Usapang Lasing

2008-06-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

C: Eh baket ba gumagawa pa ng movies yan si M.Night Shymalan eh sobrang boring naman ng mga movies nya.. except for Sixth Sense I guess.. medyo ok yun.
DQ: Ano ka ba.. sa lahat kaya ng ginawa nyang movies.. Sixth Sense ang may pinakamababaw na substance. Click lang yun film kasi nakakatakot..
C: Weh.. substance substance ka pa dyan..ambaduy baduy nga ng Lady in the Water eh..
DQ: Engot! Palibhasa kasi hindi ka marunong magbasa ng metaphors eh.. asteg kaya yun.
C: Lul.. wag ka nga pa deep..
B: O sige nga.. kung magaling ka sa metaphor.. anong metaphor ang sini symbolize ng mga aliens ni Shymalan sa THE SIGNS?? Sige nga??!
DQ: Something strange and unfamiliar in our lives that we refused to connect with.. yung mga bagay na hindi natin kayang tanggapin dahil hindi natin kayang ipaliwanag.. yung mga pagkakataon na kinatatakutan nating harapin pero hinaharap pa rin ng buong tapang kahit na hindi natin alam kung anong....
C: Weeeeeeeeeeh.. wag ka na. Nag iimbento ka na naman eh.. Eh yung mga multo sa THE SIXTH SENSE.. anong metaphor nun..sige nga kung mahusay ka..
DQ: Taena nyo.. niloloko nyo ba ko?
B: Di ah.. galing mo nga eh. Naiisip ko tuloy kung meron talagang mga natatagong metaphors sa mga movies na napapanood ko.. katulad ng...(matagal na katahimikan)...
DQ: Ng ano???
C: Alvin and the Chipmunks...
B: HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHA... alam ko pwre.. alam ko metaphor nun.
C: HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA.. yung mga chipmunks ba yung sumisimbolo sa isang pulutong ng mga makukulit na unano??
B and C: HAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAH.. Nice one, pare. Ang galing mo!!
C: Pero hindi hindi tsong.. yung mga chipmunks yung sumisimbolo nung mga babaeng boses pekpek pero adorable naman.. kaya lang clingy saka nakakainis na minsan yung pagka sweet. Hassle mga yun...
B: Ang galing mo tsong! Anong hiwaga ba ang meron sa San Mig Light at talagang napapaisip tayo ng ganito kalupit? Akalain mong nabigyan mo ng metaphor sina Alvin, Simon at Theodore?? Angas ka!!
DQ: Putangina nyo!! Kayo magbayad ng beer nyo.. letse!
C: Hey teka, pretty! Meron pa kaming naisip.. bibigyan daw ni B ng metaphor yung Shark's Tale! saka Finding Nemo.. bibigyan namin ng metaphor si Nemo!! Wui.. wag kang umalis!!
DQ; Taena nyo.. ang tatanda nyo na nanunuod pa rin kayo ng pambatang flicks. Letse aalis na ko.
B: Si Dora.. anong palagay mo kay Dora?
C: Tsong Teodora ba ang totoong pangalan ni Dora?
B: Huh? bakit Teodora??
C: Kasi yung opening.. Tsu.. Tsu.. Tsu.. Tsu.. Tsu--doraaaa.. yung opening nung jingle song sa umpisa..
B: Di ko alam eh.. pero ano bang klaseng unggoy si Boots? Bakit mas maputi pa sya kay Dora??

And so on.. an so forth.. haaaaaaaaay...

2008-05-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have so many things in my head today.. I guess things will be like this for the next couple of days until I'm done with the interview. I am again.. wanting to land a job that I feel like I'm not going to get but I'll take the risk anyways so that I won't wake up anytime soon and wonder what could have been.. if you know what I mean.

Plus.. i think I hurt someone. You know all that things you do for someone and that someone interprets it as something else. Yeah. all that hassles. Worst thing is..I HAVE TO EXPLAIN. And its not even my interview yet.

Oh God.. I hope its a good week ahead.

Please.

2008-05-19T18:38:00.000-07:00

Hindi ako naniniwala sa kulam, barang at iba pang mga bagay na hindi maipaliwanag ng siyensya... hanggang sa magising ako isang araw at mapansin sa salamin na nginitian ako ng isa kong tighiyawat. Taenang mga tigyawat to.. parang may sariling utak. Para lang sila yung mga bibong kamatis sa ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES. Nagsasalita.. nagbibigay ng opinyon.. nagrereklamo sa tuwing pinapansin ng mga taong mahilig mamintas. At higit sa lahat.. pumipila sa isang kakaibang formation. Nung isang linggo lang nakasalansan sila sa aking kaliwang pisngi at bumuo ng letrang J. At nang matapos sila sa kabilang pisngi ay lumipat sila sa kanan at pumila na parang number 7 lang. Sinasabi ko sa inyo... may utak yung mga pimples ko.

Wala sa lahi namin ang pimpulin. Hindi rin ako tinighiyawat nung teenager pa ko.. hindi kahit kelan. Ngayon lang. Sana ay binalaan man lang ako ng aking lolo na kapag tinighiyawat pala ang isa sa mga lahi namin ay talaga namang malala. Grabe. Agaw pansin. Muntik ko ngang sampalin yung isang kaibigan ko na seryosong nagtanong kung kagagaling ko lang daw sa bulutong. Wala na lang akong nagawa kundi halos mapaiyak at ipagdasal na sana ay maging isang pesteng kurikong sya sa kanyang next life.

Sino ba naman ang hindi maco conscious kapag tinubuan ka ng pimple na parang puputok sa tuwing magtataas ka ng boses? Halos isang buwan din akong nanalangin na sana ay huwag kong makita ang crush ko sa hallway dahil baka bigla na lang akong gumawa ng eksena at pumutok lahat ng pimples ko sa sobrang kilig. Ilang araw na akong naglalakad ng nakayuko. Ngayon alam ko na kung anong feeling nung mga babaeng nasa commercial at nagsasabing.. "Oh no! Ang laki ng pimple kooooooooooo..."

Lahat na nasubukan ko.. pero ang sabi ng dakila kong dermatologist ay dala lang daw sa stress ang pimple break out ko. Subukan ko raw mag isip ng mga bagay na relaxing at huwag daw akong gagamit ng press powder na nagsu suppress ng oil sa mukha. Nata trap daw kasi yung oil at nagiging pimple.

Eh puta... kelan pa kaya mawawala to?

Hindi kaya.. nagsisimula na??? Baka isa itong pangitain...

Sa aking isang malupit na transformation....

TAENA.... AYOKONG MAGING PIMPOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

been real tired...

hope its a great weekend ahead. Damn.

Earn Some.. You deserve it.

2008-05-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

Seriously.. as in seriously.. I think they pay on time. You can try joining and refer friends... Here's the LINK:

ClixSense.com.Inc

Happy making money, friends!

absorbing all the drama.

2008-04-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

I was watching WILD THINGS last Sunday night. Yep, the Denise Richard - Neve Campbell - Matt Dillon thing. I was staring at the screen for the longest period of time and I bet my mum's ass, you'll laugh out loud and prolly tease me with.. "Huuuuuuuy.. ang manyak mo naman! Titig na titig ka ah!" But in the middle of the dirty steamy hot scene, I felt a lump in my throat and started crying. No reason. I just cried. I realized I was staring at the monitor for the longest time but my mind is really somewhere else.

I'm sure.. at any given time.. I was not the only one feeling that way. I don't know.. Nostalgic, maybe?

Here's the thing with me I remember every happy moments in my life vividly. With someone. With some friends in the past and then I'll start feeling sad. Yeah, you can call that nostalgia. But don't make me wrong, I'm not hung up with these memories or with the someone else's.. because looking back, I can never really trade my place in my life right now. But there are times when you just want to go back there and stay in the moment for a while. I hope I'm not being weird.. but that's just me.

It was a particular moment in my life that flooded me last Sunday night. I was young, carefree and streaming with great dreams. Its the time of someone's life where you feel that you can be who you want to be. A rockstar. A model. A flight attendant. A photographer. A broadway actress. A famous writer. Its the time of someone's life where you feel that the world is yours for the taking and that everything is easy and simple. You are young. You hear that all the time. You have so many things ahead of you...

I was in love. He asked me to get married and live somewhere out of reach. I was 22 years old. He was 27. He gave me a choice.. and very little time. I was kissing him in the rain and people were all around us.. that night but I never really cared. It was drizzling.. my world stopped.

I said NO that night. Because its unfair for everyone involved. Most of all, its unfair for me. I am just starting to see the world, he had seen almost everything. I need a chance to grow up emotionally.. alone. As much as I want to say YES because I can't really imagine myself letting him go.. I stayed for the rightest reasons. Its not worth taking that shot because I know that If I did, I will end up losing every person who loves me yet I get to keep him.

You get to keep the person you love but lose all the others who love you and see you differently. Thats just not a way to love.. or to live. Thats not love.. Its something else.

He got married after a year. I was broken hearted. Just broken hearted. Not shattered. Because sometimes you need to sacrifice your heart in order to understand life's reasons. You have to let go to know the importance of healing. You need to let down your guard to understand self worth. Sometimes.. you have to do it.

I remembered that and I cried. Because I remembered at that very moment before I entered the door.. I said goodbye and I love you..

And I have never felt so alive in my life...

because right at that very moment.. I was in two places at once.

Leaving and loving him.. all at the same time.

"Values daw.." Values, my ass.. POTASHET!

2008-04-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

"Based on the initial verification conducted by *********, you allegedly committed the offense of Distribution/Dissemination of pornographic Material via Manila **** email. Pertinent specifically on the incident of sending an email on April 5, 2008, with the subject heading "who has the nicest cars?" with attachment of photos of foreign celebrities showing their private parts."

This really made my day last Tuesday, I was so pissed I swear I could have lost self control as I speak to the HR representative. Because to be perfectly honest, this is so fucking dumb. I said I forwarded the email to seven of my closest friends at work and I really think that the email was so funny.. eh putah sino ba namang tanga ang magfo forward ng email sa kaibigan nya kung sakaling nakakasaket ng damdamin ang sinasaad ng email di ba? Tanga-ers lang. Eh kaso, va-jay-jay ang pinag uusapan dito.. nila Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Beyonce Knowles, Paris Hilton at kung sino sino pa.

Eh sa internet nga nagkalat ang mga pictures ng pekpek nila! Sa news din.. pagkatapos sasabihin nila WE violated the company's values? Ang arte naman.. eh baket kaya hindi na lang nila ituon ang pansin sa mga bagay na mas kailangan nilang tutukan katulad ng payroll inquiries ng mga empleyado? Hindi nyo mako control ang mga taong bastos.. Hindi magiging maayos ang kumpanya nyo kapag nabigyan nyo ng sanctions yung mga nag forward ng mails..

May virus ba yung na forward na mail? Magalit kayo kung may virus.

Pero sa isang banda may mali rin naman kami. Kasi nga kung magfo forward kami ng email eh dapat yung talagang nakahubad na para hindi kayo nabitin...saka sa totoo lang nakakahiya nga naman yun sa mga onaks na kasama namin sa trabaho dahil baka pag isipan namin sila na hindi sila nagpa-panty occasionally. Wui.. hindi naman kami judgemental.. hindi naman kasi namin naisip na may babae pala talagang hindi nagpa panty kasi lumaki kaming may pambili ng panty at talagang nagsusuot kami ng ganun. Uso yun dito sa Pinas eh. Kumbaga.. IN ka kapag may panty ka. Ganito talaga kaming mga pinay.. hobby namin ang magpanty. Maliban na lang dun sa iba na hindi nagpapanty minsan kasi may hadhad sila.. see.. may excuse naman. Pero given the situation na wala silang hadhad.. I'n sure magpa panty ang mga yun.

Pero feeling ko ang dapat talaga naming sisihin eh yung mga celebrities na hindi nagpa panty. Nagsuot na nga ng sobrang ikli na mini skirt.. ampotah hindi pa nag-panty. Eh samantalang ako nung elementary ako palagi pa akong naka bloomer shorts sa loob ng palda ko. Eh kamusta naman kung halimbawang bigla kang datnan ng RED CHINA moments habang naglalakad ka at nagtatampisaw sa may fountain?? Mega tulo yun, girl.

Kamusta naman ang mga langgam, surot at isang pulutong ng mga gumagalang kulisap? Hindi na nila kailangang mag effort na umikot sa singit ng mga bilat na to dahil diretsong diretso silang makakapasok ng walang kahirap hirap sa lugar kung saan malapit ang bagsakan ng itlog.

Nagagalet ako at nambabastos..

Titigil na ko...

Just because...

2008-04-14T17:05:00.000-07:00

I was not aware that people know about US. It didn't occur to me that there are numbers of people in the office that are interested about what happened. Did it come from you? Because to be perfectly honest.. I don't give a flying fuck. I was single. You were single yet confused. Indecisive.

Why they know that there was no closure between the two of us, I really don't know. I did not talk because it was something that I'm really not proud of.. walking away from US. And what we have is not their business. Its ours.

Once upon a time we were involved. It was a time when comfort meant a lot of things between you and me. I was alone and you were lonely. I made you laugh.. you made me cry. Because all the times that we've been together you were never sure of your feelings for me but I stayed anyways because even if its really heartbreaking.. I figured you are worth the try.

I waited.. for I don't know what.

All the times that we were together I say to myself.. "This is how love should feels..." because being with you felt like I was doing all the things that I have never done before yet I cannot find the perfect rationalization to justify why I'm still holding your hand amidst of all the chaos around us. Everytime, P. That is how I feel.. when we were still together.

Its a different story when you're not around tho. Every happy moments spent magnifies the pain of not being with you. I was surprised to discover the significant amount of pain that you can give me even when you are not around.
Can you still remember??

When I told you one night inside your car.. "That it doesn't matter if you love me or not because I'm not sure if I love you but I was willing to take the chance to make things work.. to have a part of taking care of you through the high and the low times.. I was willing to hold your hand until you let them go.." It was fucking corny but I gave it a shot anyway because thats what I really feel.

You said that you will always be there for me..

But when I asked you one day what I am to you..

You said..

"You made me realize that I love her..."

You know what they say about being alive? That you never know how it is to live until you die. And I did.. that night. I gathered all the strength inside me and I laughed out loud.. because even if I'm losing grip of myself I know that there was nothing to lose losing you. I never had you in the first place.. why feel pain now? Why cry now?? When all we ever had was chances.

And you said you want us to be friends.. but there are some things that we say to other people that we both know is just plain stupid. We both know its not going to work out. We can never be friends.. maybe.. but not at that moment. So I went away.. whats the fuckin point of staying?? You tell me.

And then..

After a year.. when everything is working fine with me.. when everything was far from pain and loneliness.. you came back.

Closure, you said.

I didn't go... I didn't move. I didn't care. Maybe you are in pain.. or maybe not.

"You made me realize that I love her..." it echoed in my head.

There's just so much pain then.. bitterness and insecurities. Eating me alive..

So what's your greatest realization now?

That she made you realize that you love me??

I was never that girl, P. Because all the time that she was on the pedestal..

I was the girl on the side.

2008-04-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

I read this somewhere... can't remember where. But it was saved in my Draft folder.

This is a speech from John Gokongwei given one night when he was asked to deliver something inspiring to the Philippine Ad Congress gathering.

Before I begin, I want to say please bear with me, an 81-year-old man who just flew in from San Francisco 36 hours ago and is still suffering from
jet lag. However, I hope I will be able to say what you want to hear.

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. Thank you very much for having me here tonight to open the Ad Congress.
I know how important this event is for our marketing and advertising colleagues. My people get very excited and go into a panic, every other year, at this time.

I would like to talk about my life, entrepreneurship, and globalization. I would like to talk about how we can become a great nation.

You may wonder how one is connected to the other, but I promise that, as there is truth in advertising, the connection will come.

Let me begin with a story I have told many times. My own.

I was born to a rich Chinese-Filipino family. I spent my childhood in Cebu where my father owned a chain of movie houses, including the first
air-conditioned one outside Manila . I was the eldest of six children and lived in a big house in Cebu's Forbes Park .

A chauffeur drove me to school everyday as I went to San Carlos University , then and still one of the country's top schools. I topped my
classes and had many friends. I would bring them to watch movies for free at my father's movie houses.

When I was 13, my father died suddenly of complications due to typhoid. Everything I enjoyed vanished instantly. My father's empire was built on
credit. When he died, we lost everything our big house, our cars, our business to the banks.

I felt angry at the world for taking away my father, and for taking away all that I enjoyed before. When the free movies disappeared, I also lost
half my friends. On the day I had to walk two miles to school for the very first time, I cried to my mother, a widow at 32. But she said: "You should
feel lucky. Some people have no shoes to walk to school. What can you do? Your father died with 10 centavos in his pocket."

So, what can I do? I worked.

My mother sent my siblings to China where living standards were lower. She and I stayed in Cebu to work, and we sent them money regularly.
My mother sold her jewelry. When that ran out, we sold roasted peanuts in the backyard of our much-smaller home. When that wasn't enough, I opened a small stall in a palengke. I chose one among several palengkes a few miles outside the city because
there were fewer goods available for the people there. I woke up at five o'clock every morning for the long bicycle ride to the palengke with my
basket of goods.

There, I set up a table about three feet by two feet in size. I laid out my goods soap, candles, and thread and kept selling until everything
was bought. Why these goods? Because these were hard times and this was a poor village, so people wanted and needed the basics soap to keep them
clean, candles to light the night, and thread to sew their clothes.

I was surrounded by other vendors, all of them much older. Many of them could be my grandparents. And they knew the ways of the palengke far more
than a boy of 15, especially one who had never worked before.

But being young had its advantages. I did not tire as easily, and I moved more quickly. I was also more aggressive. After each day, I would make
about 20 pesos in profit! There was enough to feed my siblings and still enough to pour back into the business. The pesos I made in the palengke
were the pesos that went into building the business I have today .

After this experience, I told myself, " If I can compete with people so much older than me, if I can support my whole family at 15, I can do
anything! "

Looking back, I wonder, what would have happened if my father had not left my family with nothing? Would I have become the man I am? Who knows?

The important thing to know is that life will always deal us a few bad cards. But we have to play those cards the best we can. And WE can play to
win!

This was one lesson I picked up when I was a teenager. It has been my guiding principle ever since. And I have had 66 years to practice
self-determination. When I wanted something, the best person to depend on was myself.

And so I continued to work. In 1943, I expanded and began trading goods between Cebu and Manila . From Cebu , I would transport tires on a small
boat called a batel. After traveling for five days to Lucena, I would load them into a truck for the six- hour trip to Manila . I would end up sitting on top of my goods so they would not be stolen! In Manila , I would then purchase other goods from the earnings I made from the tires, to sell in Cebu .

Then, when WWII ended, I saw the opportunity for trading goods in post-war Philippines . I was 20 years old. With my brother Henry, I put up Amasia
Trading which imported onions, flour, used clothing, old newspapers and magazines, and fruits from the United States . In 1948, my mother and I got
my siblings back from China . I also converted a two-story building in Cebu to serve as our home, office, and warehouse all at the same time. The
whole family began helping out with the business .

In 1957, at age 31, I spotted an opportunity in corn-starch manufacturing. But I was going to compete with Ludo and Luym, the richest group in Cebu
and the biggest corn starch manufacturers. I borrowed money to finance the project. The first bank I approached made me wait for two hours, only
to refuse my loan. The second one, China Bank, approved a P500,000-peso clean loan for me. Years later, the banker who extended that loan, Dr.
Albino Sycip said that he saw something special in me. Today, I still wonder what that was, but I still thank Dr. Sycip to this day.

Upon launching our first product, Panda corn starch , a price war ensued. After the smoke cleared, Universal Corn Products was still left standing.
It is the foundation upon which JG Summit Holdings now stands.

Interestingly, the price war also forced the closure of a third cornstarch company, and one of their chemists was Lucio Tan, who always kids me that
I caused him to lose his job. I always reply that if it were not for me, he will not be one of the richest men in the Philippines today.

When my business grew, and it was time for me to bring in more people my family, the professionals, the consultants, more employees I knew that I
had to be there to teach them what I knew. When dad died at age 34, he did not leave a succession plan. From that, I learned that one must teach people to take over a business at any time. The values of hard work that I learned from my father, I taught to my children. They started doing jobs here and there even when they were still in high school. Six years ago, I announced my retirement and handed the reins to my youngest brother James and only son Lance. But my children tease me because I still go to the office every day and make myself useful. I just hired my first Executive Assistant and moved into a bigger and nicer office.

Building a business to the size of JG Summit was not easy. Many challenges were thrown my way. I could have walked away from them, keeping the
business small, but safe. Instead, I chose to fight. But this did not mean I won each time.

By 1976, at age 50, we had built significant businesses in food products anchored by a branded coffee called Blend 45, and agro-industrial products
under the Robina Farms brand. That year, I faced one of my biggest challenges, and lost. And my loss was highly publicized, too. But I still
believe that this was one of my defining moments.

In that decade, not many business opportunities were available due to the political and economic environment. Many Filipinos were already sending
their money out of the country. As a Filipino, I felt that our money must be invested here. I decided to purchase shares in San Miguel, then one of
the Philippines ' biggest corporations. By 1976, I had acquired enough shares to sit on its board.

The media called me an upstart. " Who is Gokongwei and why is he doing all those terrible things to San Miguel?" ran one headline of the day. In
another article, I was described as a pygmy going up against the powers-that- be. The San Miguel board of directors itself even paid for an
ad in all the country's top newspapers telling the public why I should not be on the board. On the day of reckoning, shareholders quickly filled up the auditorium to witness the battle. My brother James and I had prepared for many hours for this debate. We were nervous and excited at the same time.

In the end, I did not get the board seat because of the Supreme Court Ruling. But I was able to prove to others and to myself that I was willing to put up a fight. I succeeded because I overcame my fear, and tried. I believe this battle helped define who I am today. In a twist to this story, I was invited to sit on the board of Anscor and San Miguel Hong Kong 5 years later. Lose some, win some.

Since then, I've become known as a serious player in the business world, but the challenges haven't stopped coming.

Let me tell you about the three most recent challenges. In all three, conventional wisdom bet against us. See, we set up businesses against
market Goliaths in very high-capital industries: airline, telecoms, and beverage.

Challenge No. 1 : In 1996, we decided to start an airline. At the time, the dominant airline in the country was PAL, and if you wanted to travel
cheaply, you did not fly. You went by sea or by land.

However, my son Lance and I had a vision for Cebu Pacific: We wanted every Filipino to fly.

Inspired by the low-cost carrier models in the United States , we believed that an airline based on the no-frills concept would work here. No hot
meals. No newspaper. Mono-class seating. Operating with a single aircraft type. Faster turn around time. It all worked, thus enabling Cebu Pacific
to pass on savings to the consumer.

How did we do this? By sticking to our philosophy of "low cost, great value .."

And we stick to that philosophy to this day. Cebu Pacific offers incentives. Customers can avail themselves of a tiered pricing scheme,
with promotional seats for as low a P1. The earlier you book, the cheaper your ticket.

Cebu Pacific also made it convenient for passengers by making online booking available. This year, 1.25 million flights will be booked through
our website. This reduced our distribution costs dramatically.

Low cost. Great value.

When we started 11 years ago, Cebu Pacific flew only 360,000 passengers, with 24 daily flights to 3 destinations. This year, we expect to fly more
than five million passengers, with over 120 daily flights to 20 local destinations and 12 Asian cities. Today, we are the largest in terms of
domestic flights, routes and destinations.

We also have the youngest fleet in the region after acquiring new Airbus 319s and 320s. In January, new ATR planes will arrive. These are smaller
planes that can land on smaller air strips like those in Palawan and Caticlan. Now you don't have to take a two-hour ride by mini-bus to get to
the beach.

Largely because of Cebu Pacific, the average Filipino can now afford to fly. In 2005, 1 out of 12 Filipinos flew within a year. In 2012, by
continuing to offer low fares, we hope to reduce that ratio to 1 out of 6. We want to see more and more Filipinos see their country and the world!

Challenge No. 2: In 2003, we established Digitel Mobile Philippines, Inc. and developed a brand for the mobile phone business called Sun Cellular.
Prior to the launch of the brand, we were actually involved in a transaction to purchase PLDT shares of the majority shareholder.

The question in everyone's mind was how we could measure up to the two telecom giants. They were entrenched and we were late by eight years! PLDT
held the landline monopoly for quite a while, and was first in the mobile phone industry. Globe was a younger company, but it launched digital
mobile technology here.

But being a late player had its advantages. We could now build our platform from a broader perspective. We worked with more advanced
technologies and intelligent systems not available ten years ago. We chose our suppliers based on the most cost-efficient hardware and software.
Being a Johnny-come- lately allowed us to create and launch more innovative products, more quickly.

All these provided us with the opportunity to give the consumers a choice that would rock their world. The concept was simple. We would offer
Filipinos to call and text as much as they want for a fixed monthly fee. For P250 a month, they could get in touch with anyone within the Sun
network at any time. This means great savings of as much as 2/3 of their regular phone bill! Suddenly, we gained traction. Within one year of its
introduction, Sun hit one million customers.

Once again, the paradigm shifts - this time in the telecom industry. Sun's 24/7 Call and Text unlimited changed the landscape of mobile-phone usage.

Today, we have over 4 million subscribers and 2000 cell sites around the archipelago. In a country where 97% of the market is pre-paid, we believe
we have hit on the right strategy.

Sun Cellular is a Johnny-come- lately, but it's doing all right. It is a third player, but a significant one, in an industry where Cassandras
believed a third player would perish. And as we have done in the realm of air travel, so have we done in the telecom world: We have changed the
marketplace.

In the end, it is all about making life better for the consumer by giving them choices.

Challenge No. 3: In 2004, we launched C2, the green tea drink that would change the face of the local beverage industry -- then, a playground of
cola companies. Iced tea was just a sugary brown drink served bottomless in restaurants. For many years, hardly was there any significant product
innovation in the beverage business.

Admittedly, we had little experience in this area. Universal Robina Corporation is the leader in snack foods but our only background in
beverage was instant coffee. Moreover, we would be entering the playground of huge multinationals. We decided to play anyway.

It all began when I was in China in 2003 and noticed the immense popularity of bottled iced tea. I thought that this product would have
huge potential here. We knew that the Philippines was not a traditional tea-drinking country since more familiar to consumers were colas in
returnable glass bottles. But precisely, this made the market ready for a different kind of beverage. One that refreshes yet gives the health
benefits of green tea. We positioned it as a "spa" in a bottle. A drink that cools and cleans thus, C2 was born.

C2 immediately caught on with consumers. When we launched C2 in 2004, we sold 100,000 bottles in the first month. Three years later, Filipinos
drink around 30 million bottles of C2 per month. Indeed, C2 is in a good place.

With Cebu Pacific, Sun Cellular, and C2, the JG Summit team took control of its destiny. And we did so in industries where old giants had set the
rules of the game. It's not that we did not fear the giants. We knew we could have been crushed at the word go. So we just made sure we came
prepared with great products and great strategies. We ended up changing the rules of the game instead.

There goes the principle of self-determination, again. I tell you, it works for individuals as it does for companies. And as I firmly believe,
it works for nations.

I have always wondered, like many of us, why we Filipinos have not lived up to our potential. We have proven we can. Manny Pacquiao and Efren Bata
Reyes in sports. Lea Salonga and the UP Madrigal Singers in performing arts. Monique Lhuillier and Rafe Totenco in fashion. And these are just
the names made famous by the media. There are many more who may not be celebrities but who have gained respect on the world stage.

But to be a truly great nation, we must also excel as entrepreneurs before the world. We must create Filipino brands for the global market place.

If we want to be philosophical, we can say that, with a world-class brand, we create pride for our nation. If we want to be practical, we can say
that, with brands that succeed in the world, we create more jobs for our people, right here.

Then, we are able to take part in what's really importantÃ¢â'¬"giving our people a big opportunity to raise their standards of living, giving them a
real chance to improve their lives.

We can do it. Our neighbors have done it. So can we. In the last 54 years, Korea worked hard to rebuild itself after a world
war and a civil war destroyed it. From an agricultural economy in 1945, it shifted to light industry, consumer products, and heavy industry in the
'80s. At the turn of the 21st) century, the Korean government focused on making Korea the world's leading IT nation. It did this by grabbing market share in key sectors like semiconductors, robotics, and biotechnology.

Today, one remarkable Korean brand has made it to the list of Top 100 Global Brands: Samsung. Less then a decade ago, Samsung meant nothing to
consumers. By focusing on quality, design, and innovation, Samsung improved its products and its image. Today, it has surpassed the Japanese
brand Sony. Now another Korean brand, LG Collins, is following in the footsteps of Samsung. It has also broken into the Top 100 Global Brands
list.

What about China ? Who would have thought that only 30 years after opening itself up to a market economy, China would become the world's fourth
largest economy? Goods made in China are still thought of as cheap. Yet many brands around the world outsource their manufacturing to this
country. China 's own brands like Lenovo, Haier, Chery QQ, and Huawei are fast gaining ground as well. I have no doubt they will be the next big electronics, technology and car brands in the world.

Lee Kwan Yu's book "From Third World to First" captures Singapore 's aspiration to join the First World . According to the book, Singapore was a
trading post that the British developed as a nodal point in its maritime empire. The racial riots there made its officials determined to build a
"multiracial society that would give equality to all citizens, regardless of race, language or religion."

When Singapore was asked to leave the Malaysian Federation of States in 1965, Lee Kwan Yew developed strategies that he executed with
single-mindedness despite their being unpopular. He and his cabinet started to build a nation by establishing the basics: building
infrastructure, establishing an army, weeding out corruption, providing mass housing, building a financial center. Forty short years after,
Singapore has been transformed into the richest South East Asian country today, with a per capita income of US$32,000.

These days, Singapore is transforming itself once more. This time it wants to be the creative hub in Asia , maybe even the world. More and more, it is
attracting the best minds from all over the world in filmmaking, biotechnology, media, and finance. Meantime, Singaporeans have also
created world-class brands: Banyan Tree in the hospitality industry, Singapore Airlines in the Airline industry and Singapore Telecoms in the
telco industry.

I often wonder: Why can't the Philippines , or a Filipino, do this?

Fifty years after independence, we have yet to create a truly global brand. We cannot say the Philippines is too small because it has 86
million people. Switzerland , with 9 million people, created Nestle.
Sweden, also with 9 million people, created Ericsson . Finland , even smaller with five million people, created Nokia. All three are major
global brands, among others.

Yes, our country is well-known for its labor, as we continue to export people around the world. And after India , we are grabbing a bigger chunk
of the pie in the call-center and business-process- outsourcing industries. But by and large, the Philippines has no big industrial base, and
Filipinos do not create world-class products.

We should not be afraid to try even if we are laughed at. Japan , laughed at for its cars, produced Toyota . Korea , for its electronics, produced
Samsung. Meanwhile, the Philippines ' biggest companies 50 years ago majority of which are multinational corporations such as Coca-Cola,
Procter and Gamble, and Unilever Philippines , for example are still the biggest companies today. There are very few big, local challengers.

But already, hats off to Filipino entrepreneurs making strides to globalize their brands.

Goldilocks has had much success in the Unites States and Canada , where half of its customers are non-Filipinos. Coffee-chain Figaro may be a
small player in the coffee world today, but it is making the leap to the big time. Two Filipinas, Bea Valdez and Tina Ocampo , are now selling
their Philippine-made jewelry and bags all over the world. Their labels are now at Barney's and Bergdorf's in the U.S. and in many other high-end
shops in Asia, Europe, and the Middle East .

When we started our own foray outside the Philippines 30 years ago, it wasn't a walk in the park. We set up a small factory in Hong Kong to
manufacture Jack and Jill potato chips there. Today, we are all over Asia . We have the number-one-potato- chips brand in Malaysia and Singapore . We
are the leading biscuit manufacturer in Thailand , and a significant player in the candy market in Indonesia . Our Aces cereal brand is a market leader
in many parts of China . C2 is now doing very well in Vietnam , selling over 3 million bottles a month there, after only 6 months in the market. Soon,
we will launch C2 in other South East Asian markets.

I am 81 today. But I do not forget the little boy that I was in the palengke in Cebu . I still believe in family. I still want to make good. I still don't mind going up against those older and better than me. I still believe hard work will not fail me. And I still believe in people willing to think the same way.

Through the years, the market place has expanded: between cities, between countries, between continents. I want to urge you all here to think
bigger. Why serve 86 million when you can sell to four billion Asians? And that's just to start you off. Because there is still the world beyond
Asia. When you go back to your offices, think of ways to sell and market your products and services to the world. Create world-class brands.

You can if you really tried. I did. As a boy, I sold peanuts from my backyard. Today, I sell snacks to the world.

I want to see other Filipinos do the same.

Thank you and good evening once again.

I was a fan.. I guess I still am.

2008-04-04T22:44:00.000-07:00

There's a funny story behind this NKOTB post. I'll make kwento when I get enough sleep na.

the CONFESSION...

2008-04-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

This happened a long time ago. Maybe two years ago. I haven't told anyone in the office..

But yes.. I dated Brian. I'm done feeling so insecure because I dated such a hot guy. The only reason why I didn't tell anyone is because I don't want to explain anything. Or to be perfectly honest, I was scared of being judged by other people who, after all this time, think that I am a perfect person. I am not the ICE QUEEN as you think I am. I have emotions... and sometimes I act on it without thinking.

Yes, we dated. It didn't work out but we ended up as good friends.

What we had was intense. In the end, we realized that there are greater things in life that are bigger than the two of us.

And yes, the song in the background was his song to me.

We happened a long time ago. I can't even remember his face.

But..

I remember all the things that we've shared in a short period of time. The feeling of being liked and all sort of things.

They made me smile when I feel like hell.

Yes, I dated Brian. I don't know where is right now....

But I still have all our memories together. And I'm good with that.

adonis day

2008-04-01T17:59:00.000-07:00

Maraming beses na naming napag usapan to ng mga prens ko... kung anong gagawin namin kapag nakita namin si Papa Piolo. Ang pinaka wild na suggestion nung kaibigan ko ay maghubad ng panty habang tumatakbo at hinahabol si Piolo. At oo, babae sya. BISEXUAL nga lang..kaya minsan minsan lang sya tablan ng kahihyan.

Nagising ako kagabi at napasimangot. Late na naman akong nagising.. pero ok lang yan. FLEXI-TIME naman kasi ako. Isa yan sa mga perks kapag boss ka. Kaya lang naman ako nagmamadaling pumasok ay sa kadahilanan na ayokong mauna pa sa ken yung BOSS ko sa office... baka kasi maisip nya na hindi ako nagtatrabaho ng 8 oras sa isang araw.

Nagmamadali akong pumasok ng building.. Nag-iisip kung masyado bang makapal ang blush on ko sa pisngi. Eh ano naman ngayon kung makapal? Darating ba si Papa P??, naiinis kong tanong sa sarili. Ah, basta. Pag may nagtanong kung baket sobrang kapal ng blush on ko.. sasabihin ko na lang na hanggang next year na yan kaya makapal.Hindi ko nga nakasalubong si Papa P.. tama ako. Pero narinig kong may tumunog sa leeg ko nang bigla akong mapayuko para hindi mapansin ng papalapit kong onaks na kras. Yung client ng building namin na kamukha ni Wentworth Miller. Naglakad ako na kunwari ay may hinahanap sa bag.. parang TANGA lang.

IMBISIBOL AKO.. IMBISIBOL AKO...paulit ulit kong sinasabi. Konti na lang.. lalampasan na nya ako.. hindi nya ako mapapansin.. nang biglang....

"KELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!,"

Gusto ko nang mabaon sa lupa. Hindi ako lumingon.. pero lumingon ang lahat ng tao. Huminto ang oras. Dahan dahan kong inangat ang ulo ko para batiin ang taga bundok kong kaibigan. Hindi ko alam kung anong hiwaga meron ang moment na yun dahil sa hindi naman palasigaw ang kaibigan kong ito (limang buwan lang kaming hindi nagkita). At mas lalong hindi nya alam na may kras ako kay WM.

"Hey you.." hindi ako ang nagsabi nyan. Yung kaibigan ko pa rin na taga bundok. At hindi para sa ken ang bati na yan.. kundi kay.. kundi kay... WM! Magkakilala sila. At makapal ang blush on ko. Potah naman....

"Heeeeeeey," kunwari pa raw tong si WM na hindi nya namukhaan yung kaibigan kong agaw pansin. At sympre.. nangyari ang hindi dapat mangyari. Pinakilala nya kami. Tumingin ako sa kanya ng saglit lang.. pagktapos ay kunwari may hinahanap sa bag habang nagkukwnetuhan sila sa gitna ng hagdanan. Hindi ito ang pinapangarap kong paraan para makilala si WM. Baket ba ako nag-blush on, potah??? Mamatay na ang nakaimbento ng REVLON, sabi ko sa sarili habang nag uusap sila.

Nag-ring ang cellphone ko.

"Guys, I gotta run. Nice meeting you." sabi ko kay WM.. pero nakatingin ako sa kuko ko sa paa.

Saglit syang napangiti sa ken. Halos tumirik na ang mata ko para lang makanakaw ng tingin sa kanya kahit na nakayuko.

"Nice hair," sabi nya, "though I really like your hair long." eto ang moment kung saan parang hindi ko magawang maglakad palayo sa kanila dahil parang nanigas lahat ng mga daliri ko sa paa. POTAH.. kinilig ako ng 45 seconds!!

Biglang nag echo sa utak ko ang boses nung adik kong kaibigan.. "KRAAAAAAAAAAAAS KA NUUUUUUUUUN.."

Tumingin ako ng saglit sa kanya.. Tapos ay ngumiti. Tumalikod at umalis...

At saka ko lang naalala...

Sa sobrang pagmamadali ko kanina....

TANGINA, nakalimutan kong mag toothbrush.

The taglish angry post..

2008-03-28T18:35:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to be blogging on how emotional things brought an intense atmosphere at work today. There was a massive lay-off of higher positions that the company claimed useless and expensive. At some point, the management is telling the truth.. I was sad because I had hear and see people exiting out of the building. Some of these people are my friends. But to tell you honestly, I really believe my boss when he said that we are not bankrupt. The company is making lots of money but not enough to meet the committed goal each year because of the positions that we don't really need. I'm telling you.. I was bouncing on and off the floor today. Yup, I'm still the OIC... and yup.. I'm still in charge of a hundred people plus 10 Team Leads. I know.. go figure.

Anyway.. the reason why this blog entry veered into another topic was because of the background music in my blog. My ultimate hearthrob crush said that this is HIS song to me.. pero teka lang.. hindi pa rin siya ang pag uusapan naten dito....

But the guy who almost beat me into submission of being the GIRL ON THE SIDE. I dated this guy last summer (this was when my relationship with A was in complete hiatus) and because a friend of mine was so hooked on Grey's Anatomy at that point of time.. we called this guy MCWAKEY. And because I'm a real son of a corny bitch, I told him that. (E will probably kill me if she learns this). But anyway, I had a crush on MW for the longest period of time but I was trying to dodge the subject because a friend of mine has a HUUUUUUUUUGE crush on him. He's suplado and the quiet type but to tell you honesty although he's such an indecisive son of a bitch, this guy is really nice plus the killer smile. So blah.. blah.. blah.. After maybe a year of having a crush on him, sa kung anong hiwaga meron ang lola mo.. he finally asked me out. Hindi naman to yung eksena sa pocketbooks na hindi nya alam na nabubuhay ako sa mundo..nag uusap naman kami ng HI at HELLO at Kamusta ka na? paminsan. And sometimes when I'm on a flirt mode, I usually shoot him an IM and he usually replies with a BABE.. pero sa totoo lang ako naman talaga yung unang nagpakana ng BABE na yan. Kadiri ako.. alam ko.

He has a gf then but he left the girl.. I was hoping that I'm not the reason because I know it will pull me down if he gets back with her. The time that we were dating, he was not with the GF anymore. I know. I just know...But he told me that if given the chance that they will talk upfront and the girl will start to cry.. he might just give in because according to him.. he's weak. (Weak daw ampotah... ang laki laki mo na mahina ka pa rin. Letse ka.) Hindi ko na sasabihin ang ending nito dahil kung matalino ka eh.. alam mo namang nagkabalikan sila. OO. kasi sympre ang buhay ay parang telenobela lang di ba? May magiging masaya, may uuwing luhaan at may naloloka at nagmumultong parang yung stepsister ni Barbara lang. Pero wala naman akong balak dalin ang poot na ito sa kabilang buhay.. ang points (plural) ko lang:

1. Baket kelangan madamay ako sa ka-dramahan ng buhay nya?
2. Baket naniwala ako na hindi siya masaya sa gf nya? Tanga ba ko? Isulat ang sagot sa isang buong kokongban paper.
3. Baket delayed reaction ako? Ang tagal nang nangyari neto ah.. pero ngayon lang ako nagagalet. Abnoy ba ko? Manuod ng I AM SAM at ihalintulad ang sarili kay SAM.
4. Baket ako naawa at naghintay ng mga 2 buwan at nagbaka sakaling magbabago ang isip nya at ako ang pipiliin bandang huli ? Gago ba ko?
5. Baket ako naniwala na hindi nya mahal ang gf nya sa kabila ng hindi nya pagpili sa ken? Timang ba ako?

Pero alam nyo ba ang mga gunggong na lalake na yan.. minsan pag napag tripan nilang mang-gago ng babae.. eh talagang HARDCORE silang mag drama. Eh potah.. muntik na akong maniwala dun eh. Habang binabasa ko ang chat log namen ay talaga namang gusto kong gilitan ng ulo ang sarili ko.. pero naisip ko masakit yun eh.Kaya next time na lang kapag may matalas na blade dito sa loob ng kwarto. Inamin ko naman sa kanya na talagang minahal ko sya.. pero sa totoo lang sinabi ko lang yun para ako ang piliin nya. Buti na lang nga hindi ako yung pinili nya kasi nung nakita ko sya ngayon.. parang naisip ko.. shet.. sa paanong paraan naman ako nabighani sa malaking polar bear na ito? Hindi ko alam kung yung paghihiwalay namen ay nagdulot ng depression kaya lumaki sya ng ganun.. o talagang masaya lang sya sa GF nya. Pero kung ano pa man yun.. sana ok sila.

Hindi naman ako galet sa kanya. Mas galet ako sa sarili ko. Sa kadahilanang hindi ko maipaliwanag. Baka nga kasi abnoy ako. Isang taon na tong nangyari pagkatapos ngayon ko lang naisip na..

POTASHET, parang ginawa nya akong tanga ah!

the break out.

2008-03-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

Since I was a kid, I have always wanted to go out during the Lenten Season. If you grow up in a family of really closed catholics, I bet you know where I'm coming from. Yup.. we are not allowed to even watch MTV on a Good Friday. Ponder that. And here's the worst thing... in my almost 27 years of existence.. I have never gone out to the beach or out of town during the Lenten Season. Not that I don't have a chance.. I have all the chance in the world.. but I feel so fucken guilty doing it. Man, I tell you Lenten Season in this house seems like spending summer in boot camp.

There are times that I hated why I was born in this family. I loathed my mum at times for being always there.. on my back. I hated that they are restricting me on the things that I wanted to do.. for dictating my life. And i hated the fact that I'm broke at times because I need to support them somehow. This is not what I wanted to do. Call it selfish or maybe evil.. but its really not my responsibility. Its not like my parents are always asking for support.. they don't... worst thing is that they don't really ask directly. Its more like they're gonna make my day really dramatic.. following me around or sitting beside my bed.. with a sad face on their faces.. asking me how my day went and how much they are having a difficulty trying to meet ends. Why can they just ask fucking directly.. I'd appreciate skipping the drama and some of the guilt trip parts. Why did they marry each other in the first place without a penny in their pockets? How come most parents save for their own future and for their kids' future??? Did my parents marry each other because they were madly in love??

So I guess now they know.... its not love that makes the world go round. Its the DOUGH.

2008-03-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

I stayed the whole weekend at the house. A slept over so I didn't do anything, pretty much. We just stayed watching GHOST WHISPERER and TERMINATOR: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. When I was still in Libis, a friend once suggested that Ghost Whisperer is pretty scary and intense. I believed him, I mean.. the title speaks for the series. How scary can it get right? I never get to watch the show until now.. and I want to hunt my friend and slapped him hard on the face. What the heck?!! Freaking show is so full of drama! I swear to God. Melodramatic ghosts that had issues when they were still living until they died and became earthbound spirits. Ghosts with unfinished business... eh taena ang drama drama kaya. Naiyak ako dun sa pilot episode. Kasi andun ang crush kong si Michael Scofield!!! Sa totoo lang huh.. kung may multong umaaligid sa yo nang ganun kagwapo.. aba eh.. baket mo pa tutulungan para mag cross over di ba? Stay a while muna.. usap usap over coffee.. getting to know each other.. watch movie together.. mga ganun ba.

There's something common between me and the lead character in that series. Of course, not the ability to communicate with the dead. Haller! Gudlak naman. Its not her gift but the man in our lives. She has a guy who understands and loves her so much. Sobrang head over heels. And thats how A is with me. He supports me all the time kahit na sobrang stubborn ko. He holds my hand when I'm scared.. he tucks me in to bed.... he drives me into the office even when he's dead tired.. he picks me up the next day even if he didn't get enough sleep the night before.. he puts up with my craziness... he always calms me when I'm mad..Taena naman netong Ghost Whisperer na to oh.. ayan ang drama drama ko na ngayon.

2008-03-14T23:48:00.000-07:00

Iniisip ko talaga kung lalagyan ko pa ng ganito yung volks ko. Siguro pede yung maliit lang... nakakatakot kasi pag malaki eh.. baka biglang lumipad.

Haaaaaaaay... matagal pa siguro matatapos tong project na to. Wala akong oras.. at ang hirap mag ipon.
Pero sa totoo lang.. iba ang pakiramdam pag nakita mo na gumaganda yung pinaghihirapan mo... Sana ma promote na ko para maayos ko na to ng mabilis!!

Para sa susunod.. MINI COOPER naman... tapos....
tapos... CAMARO... tapos.. tapos.. MACH1... tapos 'Stang... Taena.. Sarap mangarap! Pero baket ba!!! Nakabili nga ako ng volks sa sarili kong pera at napaganda ko.. Camaro pa kaya??? Hintay ka lang.. PIMP MY RIDE ITO!

Update.

2008-03-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

I wish I can roll over with laughter like most reps on a Friday. But I don't. I can't. I wanted to... but I can't. Don't ask. I'll tell you why.. I have been going to the Acupuncturist for the last 4 days. Yep. Thin little devils of a needle. i myself find it really hard to believe the comfortable peaceful calm feeling of this ancient process of healing. But come to think of it, really, there are practitioners in the US who call us everyday to check if our insurance covers acupuncture for pain management. whoa... here I go again.. this blog entry is not about acupuncture and the healing stuff.. its about me going to the acupuncturist because I have been friggin stressed for the last few days. I've been sleeping 6 hours straight in a day. My skin is dehydrated. My back aches. My eyes are blurry. Yep.. I am officially in charge of the whole production in Cubao because my boss will not be coming to work for the rest of the week.. or who knows maybe for the next 2 months. I wish she'll get better and I've been praying for the baby. Nothing serious really but threatened pre mature labor freaks me out especially if the person suffering is a close friend of mine.

I'm stressed but I'm thankful for the opportunity to lead such competent individuals. I see this opportunity as a challenge to hone my skills as an effective leader and employee. I am thankful that they trusted me to lead 126 people. I'm grateful for the chance. Its real hard...HARDCORE. I've accomplished a lot for the last 4 weeks and to be perfectly honest.. I am real proud of myself. Plus I get to talk to Thad. There.. I name dropped. I've been seeing this guy in the workplace for the last few months and I really have a big crush on this guy, But he doesn't know of my existence until Tuesday morning. I received an email from my boss to communicate with a certain Thad who needs help in coordinating with the people that we will be sending for interview.. since our workplace is swarming with Americans.. I thought Thad was just another American boss. The first conversation had character and we were laughing in cyberspace, I really don't have any idea what he looks like. Until a friend pointed him out to me in the crowd.. and I swear to God, my heart fell from where I was standing. This was the guy that I've been longing to know the name since day 1. And to top it all off, he was freakin pleasant and nice during our chat moments.. (Hyuuuuuuuckz!Ang high school nito promise!) And he spells my name correctly.. like..

Thad: Thank you for the help, Kellie.
DQ: You're welcome, Thad.
Thad: You rock. Shoot me an IM tomorrow?
DQ: Sure. I'll let you know. Thanks thanks Thad!
Thad: Thanks thanks Kellie! :) <----- (putaena, nakita nyo ba? smiley!! May smiley yung message nya!)

I wish I have the courage to come up to him in person and say: Hi, Thad! I'm Kellie. But I bet I'll be collapsing at the first sight of him walking near me. Hyuckkkkkkkkz.. I'm really not like this. But to give you an idea? Thad looks like ...freaking WENTWORTH MILLER of Prison Break. Si MICHAEL SCOFIELD!!! Yeah, I know.. Go figure.

Laughtrip to.

2008-03-13T19:52:00.000-07:00

2008-03-07T19:30:00.001-08:00

After Shift.. usapang lasing sa McDO Araneta.

Kaloiski: Ang galeng parehas tayong Gemini!
DQ: Huwaaaaaaaw.. Talaga?
Chop: Ako Taurus!
Kaloiski: Ka-birthday mo yung bestfriend kong lalake!
DQ: Huwaaaaaw.. eh di hot din sya?
Kaloiski: Oo naman.. dami may gusto dun.
DQ: (bored face) Natural.. ka birthday ko eh.
Chop: Wow. Di na kita tutulungan ah? Mukhang kaya mo naman eh.
DQ: Baket kaya walang FOX na hayop sa Chinese Zodiac?
JMANALO: Eh kasi parang hindi naman totoo yun eh. Hindi nila nakikita madalas. Hindi katulad ng RAT o kaya PIG.
Chop: (Nakatingin sa malayo habang nag-iisip ng malalim) Eh taena.. kamusta naman yung DRAGON di ba?

----

JMANALO: Sabi nila sa kulungan daw sa bawat taon na ilalagi mo sa loob, guguhitan daw yung balisong mo sa gilid.
DQ: Huh? Ano yun?
Kaloiski: I beg to disagree. Hindi yan totoo.. nag CRIMINAL LAW ako.
Chop: Pinag aralan nyo ba sa CRIMINAL LAW ang pag ukit sa gilid ng kutsilyo?
Bevs: Talaga? Criminal Law? Eh di alam mo kung ano yung mga parusa sa HOMICIDE, MURDER at kung ano ano pa?
Kaloiski: Oo naman.
Bevs: Ano ba yung ibig sabihin ng kasong HOMICIDE?
Chop:(Seryoso, tanga mode) Di ba yun yung kapag pinatay ka sa loob ng bahay?
JMANALO: Eh ano naman yung pinagkaiba nun MURDER sa HOMICIDE? ng MANSLAUGHTER sa MASSACRE?
Chop: Murder kapag isa lang! Massacre pag madami!!
DQ: Putaena.. (asar) ikaw ba si Kaloi?
Chop: Sorry naman! Bawal ba mag share???

juicy gossips, smack talks and me being the Bitch Dragon.....

2008-03-01T08:47:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: I ain't gonna bogart all the juicy chismes. To be perfectly honest, I really dunno where to start. I know its kinda mean to even start this entry but hell I'm so friggin' stressed and bored. Wow.. I have no idea they can actually get to me when I'm alone. I think I'm really freaking out. So for those who never liked profanity, smack talks and the likes.. please don't read this blog entry. You've been warned. I might drop a name too...

Smack Talk 101: Ok, honestly you guys? I don't get you. C girl, how did you manage to pull it all off? You are living with your boyfriend..(you guys met in Friendster).. you have a kid back in the province.. You were like what? Got pregnant at the age of 13? And now you are openly dating in front of my eyes while still living under your boyfriend's roof. Ever heard of MORALE and GMRC? Do they teach that in the province? How do you do it? Lying in upfront with the person who has given you almost anything that you want? And being proud to be tagged as my Co TLs' girlfriend in the office while everyone knows that the guy is living with a GF with their one kid? And hell, he brought you along with his group of friends in Alabang, who are also my fellow co workers. You think he's really proud of you? Well, maybe.. but did it ever occur to you that maybe you have been TAGGED as the MOST QUIET HO in the office? Deadly but quiet. I admire your boldness of having my co worker drive you back and forth in your BF's place.. in front of HIS gate. Kiss him goodbye and all that jazz.

WHY I'M SO MAD: I don't give a flying fuck why you guys sleep around. I honestly don't care if you get knocked up in the process. But girl, show some respect. Don't go all the way down in front of my subordinates. He is my CO-TL for heaven's sake! And you are our subordinate. Be decent. Do it discreetly. At one point what you're doing is a major slap in my face because I'm a big fan of WORK ETCHICS. Ever heard of that? Google it. And don't ever think that we stopped talking about you guys.. the hell everyone is talking about you guys 12 hours a day. WE never stopped.. we just talk behind your back discreetly. Because honestly? Your tackiness is one hell of a stress reliever. Remember the time when my friends and I went out and you tagged along with my CO TL at one of my reps' house? When you were desperately asking to leave with my CO TL coz you guys need to be somewhere else? Are you just too excited that finally you were able to fish a guy who owns a CRV and you can't wait to sit in the passenger seat without even asking one of your bosses to maybe take the passenger seat because, I dunno, maybe it just looks polite and decent that you'll let HIM take the seat because he's your boss and he's the friend of the owner of the CRV in the first place? But no.. you let him take the back seat and you went all the way down in ARUBA holding my co-worker's hand as you whisper, I dunno.. maybe pulpy stuff in his ears? Bitch, I was just around the corner and I can freakin see you guys and you went french kissing at Decades when me and my guy went home. That was a total downhill of the so called WORK ETHICS. Thats the end of the respect that I tried so hard to build for the last 2 years of my life in Cubao.. so I guess from now on moving forward.. We TLs will be tagged as the supervisors who use powers to hook down a rep, huh? Thanks to you guys. You've done it perfectly well. And Kudos to you.. You made Britney Spears looked like a tame sedated monkey.

MY STAND: To my co-worker and friend, Dude.. I know where you're coming from when you said that you are struggling to be happy. But newsflash, this is your fault as much as HERS. I guess maturity is a long way for you huh? I'm not mad that you are sleeping around, thats your problem to face. I was mad because you were indiscreet like hell. If you want to take home a chick.. nobody wants to know that really. Take her home.. F*ck her like crazy but please spare us the details. I'm not saying that you are kiss and telling.. you never really in the first place but people can see, Dude. And they have wild imaginations even the dumbest rep in the office. So please, pull yourself together and clean up the mess.. because your crap makes me feel so dirty too. And everyone else's for the matter.
As for you Country Girl, you've been bold. I like that quality when used for the right reasons. But you need to sort your priorities.. Sleeping around or Excelling at work? And its a myth that City Girls are prostitutes, tell your folks that. Its the country girls who goes to the City that turn out to be hoes, well not all the time,of course there are exceptions, some of them work in a call center, I guess.

This is not my burden to bear. i just feel a big relief, I let it out in the open.

Sorry for being such a big BITCH DRAGON. Just being me.

2008-02-26T18:39:00.000-08:00

I have been struggling at work. Man, I tell you.. the paperwork keeps on piling. I'm going downhill. I've been going late these past days too.. I dunno.. mebbe I'm just not in the mood to wake up early.

I can't wait to get a promotion. This is real honest. I have been working my ass out just to impress the bosses. I'm trying to be compliant in our SOPs.. yup all that jazz. But there are just times that I get chicken out.. I'm having second thoughts.

There's no particular reason why I'm feeling melodramatic today. Maybe its because of the traffic. You know that moments when you're caught between traffic jams and you just feel like shit. It is as if some absolute being is forcing all the crappiness of the world in your head.. like you want to stop feeling bad about the not so good things thats been happening in your life but your thoughts kept on shifting from one bad scenario to the worst ones? Like I could have been a bit sensitive of not bitch slapping someone today or not throwing an officemate off the bus?? Or maybe thinking real sensible before sending a mushy quote to someone that you sort of..LIKE.Or maybe... just maybe not acting like I'm some sort of a dead give away around him? At some point, I really hope I could have done things differently. And I feel crappy not acting responsibly about it.. as we speak.

Anyway, I shouldn't be really thinking about things that matter during IDLE moments of my day. I should be worrying about the promotion.

Yeah.. now thats sensible.

Valentine Drama

2008-02-14T19:55:00.000-08:00

There was a LOVE BOARD in the office today where you can write something to your crushes and be signed anonymously. Some of the writings read really funny.. I never thought that people on my same age range can still be pretty childish and mushy when the occasion calls for it. I must say, CREATIVELY MUSHY. Everywhere you go you'll feel the spirit of redness in the air. I enjoyed reading the corny lines with my friends.. it sends us rocketing everywhere as we giggle and laugh at the hilarious quotes propaganda that you can only see during Valentine's Day. I was tempted to even write a real mawkishly sentimental message to my crush and end it with a smooch. But I was afraid that it can ruin my reputation as the Ice Queen so I dismissed the idea.

But honestly, why do we feel real pulpy during Valentine's? Its not like we are not allowed to be pretty melodramatic during regular days.. But i feel like doing it during Valentine's gives us extra credits for being a loving person.

Here's the irony of Valentine's, really. I don't celebrate it because I really don't know what love means. All I know is that it is a real powerful word full of subtleness and complications. To define it makes me feel like a total IDIOT. But I know, yeah.. we've been taught what it is since day one. Poets go ga-ga over it..

Its just me being weird, I guess. If you ask me why I am in a relationship for 8 years and still can't define LOVE.. my answer is simple and realistic. I WANT TO BE IN IT. Could love then be.. something that we want? How do we define then that something that we don't want but still end up getting it in the end.. like being with two people at the same time? Can LOVE affects the moral of doing what is right and wrong? In life, there's just thing that we do and we don't do. If we choose to do the things that we do.. can we really say that what we are doing it out of LOVE? How about letting go because of LOVE? How can we justify our sacrifices if we end up being hurt in the first place..Is getting hurt out of love and letting go in the name of it tell us that this is what we really want to do? If we sacrifice our happiness because it seemed the rightest thing to do for love and end up getting hurt in the end.. how can we say that we did it out of love when the very concept of hurting yourself defines you as someone who doesn't love thyself?

What is LOVE really?? Love actually..... is just EVERYWHERE.

Unang Strip.Technically...

2008-02-10T16:51:00.000-08:00

FYI: Artist ako.

2008-02-10T02:33:00.000-08:00

Napansin ko lang.. nahihilig ako sa comic strips ngayon. Nung bata ako, galit na galit ang lola ko pag nakikitang nagbabasa kami ng comics! (RIP, Lola!) Hindi raw ito mabuti para sa aming sumisibol na imahinasyon.. kung kaya't tinambakan nya kami ng mga librong si Doogie Houser lang ang makakaintindi. Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit na-adik kami sa Video games at Marvel Comics.. halos tumalon kami sa bintana ng mga kuya ko kapag nakakahawak kami ng kahit anong papel na may makukulay na sketch na kung saan ang mga characters ay nakasuot ng iba't ibang kulay na damit na makikita mo rin kapag binuksan mo ang isang bag ng Nips. Para rin lang kaming nanunuod ng Porn nun kapag naglalaro kami ng Video Games... matalas ang pandinig.. gumagana lahat ng senses.. at hardcore ang pakiramdam. Kapag may narinig kaming naglalakad sa labas ng kwarto daig pa namin si Flash kumilos kung saan itatago ang Nintendo Family Com.. basta ang alam ko lang, ako yung palaging sumisigaw ng.. PIRAAAAATAAAAAAAA!!! sa tuwing makikita ko ang lola ko na umaakyat ng hagdanan.

Anyway.. baka hindi nyo naitatanong.. magaling ako mag drawing! Seryoso.. nasa dugo ko ang pagiging magaling na pintor. Alam nyo ba kung bakit?? Wala lang naman.. yung lolo ko lang naman ay estudyante at kanang kamay ni Fernando Amorsolo!! Kilala nyo ba kung sino yun?? Malay ko ba.. hindi ko rin sya kilala pero naririnig ko lang kasi mula nung maliit ako na palaging yan ang pinagmamalaki ng mga uncles ko sa mga kainuman nila. Saka pag tuwing makikita ko yung mga paintings ng lolo ko.. palagi kong tinatanong sa Lolo ko : "Lolo.. sino po si Fernando Amorsolo??" Sabay sasagot naman ang lolo ko habang hinihimas yung bukol nya sa noo.. "Ah, iha. Friends kami." END OF STORY. Yan pa rin ang sagot nya sa tuwing tatanungin ko sya ngayon. Saka ko lang na realize na SUPER ASTIG pala ni Fernando Amorsolo nang matunton ko ang kolehiyo. Sympre.. hardcore ang kaastigan nya dun sa mga painters at artist na minsan lang naliligo at sinusugatan ang sarili para ma inspire... saka dun sa mga feeling pa deep na gumagawa ng mga abstract paintings na sila lang ang nakakaintindi. Imposible mga tsong.. na hindi nila kilala si Fernando Amorsolo.

Lahat ng miyembro ng pamilya namin ay mahusay mag drawing! (Pwera lang sa nanay ko na sinubukang mag drawing ng USA nung bata ako para sa aking assignment sa Sibika at Kultura.. ang totoo ido drawing nya sana yung USA na patalon sa isang malaking fence.. pero ang kinalabasan.. yung sumunod na eksena na.. HINDI NAKAYANAN NUNG USA NA TALUNIN YUNG FENCE KAYA NAKABALUKTOT ANG KANYANG ISANG PAA AT NAKALUHOD SA SAHIG! Asteeeeeg din nanay ko no?? Pede syang maging profiler.) Sa tuwing magdo drawing ako nung HIGH SCHOOL palaging tinatanong nung mga titser ko at nars sa INFIRMARY.. Anak, ikaw ba talaga ang nagdrawing neto?? Masama ang nagsisinungaling.. at paulit ulit kong sinasabi na.. OO AKO PO... kung kaya't inaabuso nila ako sa tuwing may mga programs dahil ako ang pinagdo drawing nila ng kung ano ano. Minsan bigla na lang nila akong huhugutin sa klase pagkatapos ay isasakay sa TAXI para sumali ng DRAWING CONTEST sa ibang paaralan. Isang beses natalo ako sa drawing contest.. dito ko narealize na.. AYOKO NAMAN TALAGA MAG DRAWING!!! Pinipilit lang nila talaga ako. Ang sabi nga ng lolo ko.. ang pagdo drawing ay nasa puso.. wala sa MATA. Kung ano man ang ibig sabihin nun ay sya lang ang nakakaintindi at saka yung mga artists na naglalaslas ng pulso. Ang talagang gusto kong gawin nun ay magsulat.. magsulat ng mga kalokohan. At maglaro ng Video Games. Saka magsulat din ng mga orasyon.. hahahhahahha... marami akong nabentahan ng imbento kong orasyon para sa pagpapaputi ng kili-kili. HAHAHHAHHAHAHA... pero sa seryosong side naman.. isa akong Associate Editor ng school newspaper namin nung High School na isang beses lang napa publish sa isang taon dahil naniniwala ang Parish Priest namin na may kung anong masamang elemento ang sumasapi sa mga estudyante sa tuwing babasahin nila ang Dyaryo namin.

Muntik din akong maging presidente ng Arts Club.. pero absent ako nung nagbotohan pero alam ko.. sabi ng mga friends ko.. AKO DAPAT ANG PRESIDENTE. Pero oks lang talaga yun sa ken kasi ayoko naman talagang mag stay ng matagal sa school at pumasok ng maaga dahil natatakot akong makakita ng multo. May URBAN LEGEND kasi sa school namin na meron daw babae na nagpapakita sa 3rd floor kapag wala pang tao sa school. Ang pangalan nya ay MILAGROS. Hindi ko na matandaan pero ang alam ko ay nag spirit of the glass kami nun tapos ay na guidance counselor kaming lahat kasi meron akong isang kaklase na sinapian daw. Nagkasakit saka nangingisay daw.. saka ko na lang nalaman nung gumradweyt ako ng HS na may sakit syang EPILEPSY. Rak en Rol! Eksena naman to si Milagros.. sasapi lang dun pa sa may kapansanan.. hindi tuloy sya sineryoso nung mga naka witness.

Gusto ko talagang maging COM ARTS student.. o kaya Mass Communication o kaya LITERATURE student pero nung sabihin ko ito sa mga matapobre kong mga kamag anak ay tumutol silang lahat. Ang sabi nila marami raw namamatay na mga reporters at writers na dilat ang mga mata dahil sa gutom. Pero ang totoo gusto ko talagang maging writer. Ang sabi nga ng tita ko.. Writing is a hobby not a profession.. LUL nya. Kahit anong mangyari gagawin ko ang gusto ko. Pero bago ako maka graduate ng HS.. naging interesado ako sa politika partikular sa mga batas na umuugnay sa mga gawaing panlabas ng kahit sino mang bansa. Nais kong mag aral ng International Law kung kaya't kumuha ako ng kurso na may kinalaman dito. Foreign Service... asteeeeeeeeg na kurso yan. Dahil sa kursong ito ay nagising ang dugong makabayan na nanalaytay sa aking dugo bilang isang tunay na Pilipino.. naks! Saka dahil sa kursong ito ay nagkaroon din ako ng boyfriend. At higit sa lahat... napukaw nito ang aking damdaming makialam, mang usisa at ipahayag ang aking sarili sa lipunang sinisikil at patuloy na inaapakan ang karapatang pantao ng mga mahihirap at mga mamamayan na hindi nabibilang sa lipunang ginagalawan ng mga ALTA SOSYEDAD. (Asteeeeeeeg.. ano bang hiwaga ang meron dito sa loob ng kwarto ko kapag hindi ako naglilinis??)

Matapos ang ilang taon sa kolehiyo.. ako'y gumradweyt at naghanap ng trabahong naangkop sa aking kursong natapos. Naghanap ako ng isang buwan... isang taon.. isang taon at kalahati.. dalawang taon. Dalawang taon akong nagbabasa ng PUGAD BABOY ni Pol Medina... kung ano anong Komik Strips sa dyaryo sa tuwing titingnan ko ang Classified Ads. At doon ko narealize.. ang buhay ay parang Komiks. Malungkot minsan pero nakakatawa.. Nakakatawa pero malungkot...

Kaya eto ako ngayon... TEAM LEADER sa isang call center... MATABA pero puno ng HUMOR.

Questions and Being Honest as Possible...

2008-01-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

I was happy to hear that a close friend finally got the promotion. This is the main reason why I intruded being in her class during my lunch break in the wee hours of the morning when I could have been snoring in the sleeping quarter for an hour. Anyhoo, *name of my close friend* introduced me to her class and they started bombarding me with silly questions that I have never thought will be asked in my lifetime. In the office, I am the right person to ask all the difficult questions.. I usually have all the answers but this time.. I stared into nothingness and looked down as I wonder.. What kind of a f*cking question is that anyway?? Someone asked me..

"If you are a viand, what will you be and why?? " - I really don't know.. I never really considered myself FOOD.

"DO you believe that all the best things in life are free??" - Honestly?? I think these days.. you really need to bribe your parents to get off your back, right? Nothing is free in this life. There's always some friggin catch.

"If you will be reincarnated in the next life, who would you be and why??" - I don't believe in reincarnation but for the sake of the question.. I'd like to be Imee Marcos. Why the hell not? But then again, I believe in what Kurt Cobain once said "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" - Yes. For 8 long years.

"Did you ever cheat on your boyfriend? " - In what way, really? Cheating is a vague word. If you mean loving someone else while I'm still with the boyfriend, the answer is NO.

"What was the meanest thing that you did to your boyfriend?? " - Shit. This is going too personal. I guess the meanest thing that you can do to a person is dumping him for the wrong reasons, right?

"If you are still single, will you consider dating *name of the trainee* ?" - YES. It will be stupid not to date a cute guy when you are single, people!!!

"What is your idea of a romantic date?" - Honestly?? Nothing expensive. As long as I'm with a guy that can decide where to go to next... as long as there's good food and conversation.

"How much is your salary? " - None of your business.

Can you imagine I answered all of these?? Mind you, these are just questions at the top of my head. Some of them I really can't remember.

And yeah.. hell yeah. Someone blogged me!... It's nothing personal against me really because this blogger doesn't have any idea who I am. I was referred to as THE CHICK.. I just know its me. But in my defense, really... I'm not just one of those ordinary chicks that your boy worked his dick at. For starters, HE was one of those guys I bullied and abused because I was bored to death way back. No offense taken, man. I'm perfectly fine with what you said but to be real honest.. I was freakin' askin all this time, if it was really there. Fucken waste of my time. Between Marlboro sticks and your man? Marlboro sticks sound like the greatest idea ever. Ponder that.

The 110th post

2008-01-22T18:38:00.000-08:00

Wala akong maisip na title kaya ayan na lang.

Kanina... All i know is that I have a lot of things to say in this blog entry but then unfortunately for some weird reason I feel lost while logging in to Blogger. I was a bit frustrated to get a cab after work. My feet felt really weary as I stood there waiting for the fucken cab. Nakapambabae pa naman akong damit. Kakainis.

Kanina ulit... sabi ko paggising ko bago pumasok ng trabaho ay matutulog ako ng maaga pag uwi. Pero gising ako ngayon at nag a update ng blog.

Kani- kanina lang.. tumitingin ako sa friendster at nafrustrate.

Kagabi.. sinabi ng close friend ko na tinatanong ako ng dati kong ka MU. At ang sabi nya ay masaya na ako ngayon. Deadma lang ako... pero sana ang wish ko lang ay ako mismo ang nagsabi kay MU. Sasabihin ko na masaya na ako ngayon at nakapag move on... Hindi naniniwala ang close friend ko na kaya kong sabihin. Potashet.

Tiningnan ko ang friends list nya.. aba... nag a update na sya ng Friendster. Natuwa ako.. pero nalungkot ng konti. Hindi na kami magiging magkaibigan ulit. :( Pakiramdam ko mas sobrang ok siguro kami kung naging magkaibigan na lang nung simula pa lang. Pero ganun talaga ang buhay.. para saan pa kung pede mong balikan ang nakaraan at itama ang lahat para sa kinabukasan. Naniniwala akong walang TIME MACHINE. Sino naman tanga ang mag iimbento ng isang makina para makabalik sa nakaraan??? Kamusta naman ang mga dinosaurs???

Kanina bago mag alas syete.. Na frustrate ako dahil wala siyang KRAS sa akin. Kahit crush lang!!! Pero sabi ng kaibigan ko meron daw. Eh para saan pa?? Taken na kaming parehas. Eh ano naman ngayon?? Crush lang naman. Hilakbot. Hindi ba't masaya na kung minsan ay malaman mong mayroong humahanga sa yo kahit mukha kang paa??

Ngayon.. inaantok na ko.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............

New Year Treat

2008-01-07T02:12:00.000-08:00

Hey guys.. calling all fanatics. If you are addicted to the following shows:

1. Prison Break
2. 24
3. Lost
4. CSI
5. Desperate Housewives
6. Heroes
7. Sex and the City
8. Grey's Anatomy
9. Smallville
10. Ugly Betty

Then, I have a nice treat for all of you. Click here to watch online TV Dramas. No subscriptions, no dead links.

Good job to the people who maintain this site. Brilliant idea, guys! Hands down.

idle moments

2008-01-04T02:29:00.000-08:00

I was out the whole day with my dad this day (see.. I wasn't supposed to go anywhere because I still have the G measles.) We've been driving from one place to another trying to find a good score on Kratos' body repair. At the end of the day, we ended up asking our neighbor about some work that needs to be done by the end of this month and its a pretty good deal. Since I'm not the only one who owns the car.. I still need A's approval. So the decision will be made some time this week.

While I was sitting in the driver's seat (as my dad was desperately trying to get rid of the nosey hood people around us) I noticed the tall coconut tree miles away. Its been standing there since.. I don't know when. As far as I can remember.. I used to gaze out of the window looking at it when I was young. The tree was my indicator if classes will be suspended the next day. Usually when there's a storm coming, the sinister scenario of this coconut tree bending against the furious wind automatically tells me that I shouldn't bother dressing up for school the next day. It has always been this way up to college.

I stared at the tree for the longest time and it got me to thinking.....

1. Bakit ba uso sa states ang holdapan sa loob ng convenience store? Eto ang madalas na eksena sa mga pelikula nila. Sa series na Desperate Housewives, sa insidenteng ito namatay ang makulit na nanay ng love child ni Doug Savant, yung asawa ni Lynette Scavo. Sa palabas na Prison Break, ito ang dahilan kung bakit nakulong si Sucre. Sa palabas na Heroes, dito pinigilan ni Parkman yung isang holdaper na gustong mang holdap ng convenience store kung saan ay nandun sya at namimili. Sa perlikulang PULP FICTION dito nagtapos ang eksena nang pangaralan at takutin ni Samuel Jackson yung mag on na holdaper na gumawa ng eksena.. hindi nga lang sa convenience store pero sa isang fast food place.

2. Bakit maraming skilled workers ang hinahanap ng ibang bansa at bakit gustong mag abroad ng mga Pinoy? Maayos naman tayo dito sa Pilipinas. Ang nakikita ko lang naman na problema sa mga Pinoy ay ang pagiging maluho nila at kawalan ng disiplina sa paghawak ng pera at sympre kawalan ng disiplina sa pagpaparami ng mga supling. Kasama na rin dito ang pagiging pessimistic sa lahat ng bagay. Pero sino ba naman ako para pangaralan sila? Eh isang dahilan din naman kung bakit hindi tayo maunlad ngayon ay dahil sa maraming nangungurakot sa kung saan mang ahensya ng gobyerno. Opinyon ko lang naman. Ang sabi nga ng tita ng boyfriend ko.. mas umuunlad pa raw ang Vietnam sa ten ngayon.. o kung hindi man.. nagsisimula ng umunlad. Pero sa totoo lang.. 2 years from now baka wala na rin ako sa Pinas. Hindi dahil sa ayoko na dito sa Pinas pero dahil sa dun na titira si Alex 2 years from now. Sympre.. kung may pagkakataon.. dito pa rin ako.

3. Bakit mababa ang dollar pero mataas pa rin ang mga bilihin. 47 pesos ang kada litro ng gasolina na pinapakarga ko sa sasakyan ko.. Kamusta naman?

4. Naghihirap daw tayo pero palaging napupuno ang IMAX theatre sa MOA. Mahirap nga ba ang mga Pinoy?

5. Bakit ang taas ng toll sa Skyway? Pagbaba mo halos ganun din naman ang traffic sa Expressway.. kung gaano ka katagal sa bilis at luwang ng skyway.. ganun din halos ang travel time pag na stuck ka sa traffic pagbaba. Minsan traffic din sa ibabaw ng Skyway.. bakit mas mataas ang singil sa EPASS? eh sa totoo lang kung open yung lahat ng lanes na yun eh wala nang pila pa.. mas mabilis ang usad ng sasakyan.

6. Bakit maraming pinoy ang kumakain sa Friday's? Maiintindihan ko kung mga kano lang ang nandun pero pinoy? Malakas ba tayo kumain? Ang hamburger dun ay 500 pesos (may kasamang fries na kasing laki ng daliri ng isang normal na dalaga) At ang mango shake ay 195 pesos. Practical ba ang kumain dun? O gusto lang nating kumain para masabi ng mga tao na.. Uuuuy.. Fridays.. sosyal ah! Ang pagkain dun ay para sa mga taong kasing laki ni Hagrid.. baket? Baket? Baket tayo kumakain dun?

7. Bakit tayo nagkakape sa Starbucks? Nagigising ba tayo lalo kapag nakita natin kung gaano kamahal ang mga kape nila?

8. Bakit ako antukin? Sa lahat ng pagkakataon.. madalas akong antukin kahit nung bata pa ako. Kapag wala akong magawa sa bahay.. natutulog lang ako 23 hours a day.. minsan napapanaginipan ko pang natutulog ako.

9. Bakit nasa akin pa rin ang isang certificate na nagsasabing MALE HEARTHROB ang ex ko? Hindi ba dapat tinatapon ko na? Bakit nasa akin pa rin? Siguro kasi wala akong time itapon dahil palagi akong natutulog. (Wow.. meron akong nasagot sa mga tanong ko sa wakas.. )

10. Bakit ako may German Measles?

Haaaaaaaaaaay.. hindi ko alam.

10 reasons why I watch Ugly Betty

2008-01-01T00:13:00.000-08:00

1. Betty's hideous clothes.
2. Betty looks like a former coworker that Em and I hate. (initials? shoot me an IM, APAC friends!) but you know what? I think I really look like Betty once in a while.
3. Justin Suarez is promising. (hahahha)
4. The boss is hot (the guy from L Word).. yet incompetent. How can a 30 something bachelor depends a lot on a 22 year old assistant??? Bite me.
5. Reminds me of Devil Wears Prada.
6. Honestly? I never watched Betty La Fea because my family used to watch Alicia, same time slot with Betty La Fea.
7. Love the interiors.
8. Fashion.. fashion... fashion.
9. It's really funny when Amanda is so nervous. (The girl can eat a whole cow!)
10. Mark looks like Justin Timberlake. Don't we just like office politics?

*Picture courtesy of Google Search.
*The above blog header is from I Design Poems blogspot.

2007-12-31T00:56:00.000-08:00

We had a pretty good run, 2007! But not in a lifetime ever. (So the German measles is the worst thing that you can do to me huh?? )

Do your worst 2008!! I'm just around the corner.

Bestest wishes everyone!! (and hell yeah, I'm pretty much isolated these past days.. thems the break.. fuck the german measles!! I'm going out to watch the crackworks.)

new addiction

2007-12-27T16:23:00.001-08:00

He's smokin hot! I never really liked Josh Hartnett until Lucky Number Slevin happened. From a guy next door in 40 days, 40 nights to an epitome of my kind of guy in 30 days of night!! He can be a big brother to Steven Strait.. what you guys think?? God, Scarlett is a lucky girl.. but I still wouldn't trade my place to her.. not in a thousand years. Where was I when Josh visited Pinas? I could have run to Mindanao in a heartbeat.. I don't mind being a hostage as long as there's Josh to the rescue. LOL. Talk about estrogen.. people.

Waiting for the New Year.......

2007-12-25T15:53:00.000-08:00

Don't you just love a classic bug transformed into this? I'm counting the days.. I bought a bug last Dec.24 and this will be my latest project.. I saw this pic on the net. Alex and I will be working on this by next year. This means.. we're going to starve to death. No dates.. No more expensive unneeded stuff for the rest of the year.. But it'll be fucking worth it.

I promise the hood will be drooling on this. Kratos is the name!

a piece of last year

2007-12-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

This happened some time last year. This is from my other blog. It made me smile today..

old fragments of a not so old-october-affair

Sep 26, '07 9:49 PM
for everyone

I know for a fact that its not the coldness that provoked me that October night to share your warmth. Mainly because I felt really alone and.. well maybe.. a bit lost. Disconnected from everything. Lord knows that I tried my bestest to dodge you but then again.. you caught me on my weakest moment. The next morning after we kissed, a friend of us noticed the glow in our eyes. To tell you the truth, I was a bit anxious that our first kiss happened in the wee hours of the morning of Friday the 13th. But then again.. happiness can pretty much lead you to distraction. At that point of time.. I just felt so alive. Corny.. yeah. But honest.

So we talked. There was a plan that night that we will hang out with friends. You said that you want to spend our alone time together but I pretended that I didn't hear that. Yeah.. although I can't really wait to be alone with you.. because you're so damn hot.. there was this thought at the back of my mind that I shouldn't hang out with you yet. Maybe I was afraid that I might do something stupid and you'll lose interest of me. You know.. the USUAL GIRL STUFF.

I hope you still remember those nights when we secretly hold hands underneath the table. Yeah.. we're pretty desperate to keep it discreet, huh? But then again.. nothing lasts forever. At some point.. we both know that our friends noticed us...the extra sweetness.. the extra togetherness... all the super extras between the two of us.

I came across the old text message. It says : I want to keep it and take care of it as long as I can. I don't want this to end yet. You are the only good thing that's happening to me, pretty.

And for what its worth... I didn't let go. Until I had to. Its something that we both agreed to do.

Remember the time when I was saying goodbye.. you smiled at me and whispered... I'll see you soon. There was an invisible pinch in my chest.. seeing you go while you said that. Like you, I never wanted it to end but then again I know its not the right time to stand up for it. We both know that we have other things to do. Other goals to accomplish...way bigger than the two of us. I said it a lot of times.. that love is just a state of mind. Yeah.. love didn't happen between the two of us. There was passion and understanding and longingness. Way... way.. cooler than love. And that.. hey you.. that is how we ended our time together. It was really worth my while.

Happy birthday. Your memories cheer me up.. during my darkest times.

-excerpt from the Diary of The Drama Queen

pre christmas D shit

2007-12-12T21:06:00.000-08:00

I've been restless for the past days. Stressed. And will be stressed. Work is.. hellish. I think thats an understatement. Yeah. Go figure.

Thank God, I'm done with the Christmas shopping. Well.. almost done. i still need to buy 2 more gifts.( i bribed Ralph this morning so I really don't need to worry about him. He went for the cash.) Have you seen the new Starbucks Planner? For the past years, I've seen friends and colleagues drool at them. What the hell? Its a compilation of stationaries.. beautifully printed.. you'll feel so damn bad writing on them. Honestly, 'em I the only one here who thinks the fucken thing is a rip off? You'll buy like tons of coffee, put a sticker on whatever you call it coupon.. (mind you.. not just plain coffee.. they have like a category for each sticker cup that you need to fill up!) Wtf. I'm not going to throw my does for something so insignificant I'll feel so dumb for not being able to express the feeling of wasting papers. Isn't it a good feeling that you'll just carelessly rip off a sheet of paper in a notebook? Its called freeform writing.. whatever you call it (Watch Six Sense.. you'll know what I'm talking about.) I'm a doodler. I'd prolly give it to someone if I receive a Starbucks planner this Christmas. Well.. I don't think that there's a real generous person in the office anyway.. but still.. I'd give it away. I'd feel so pressured owning it. This is just the stress talking...

The Xmas party will be on the 16th in Cubao. I'm still not going.. I'd be so damned stressed traveling from Laguna to Cubao. I need to attend a party at Tita B's place in Belair. The exchange gift party that'll freak Alex out if I miss it.

i wish that this month will be over soon. Ballparked. Really. i mean i;m really looking forward to the Holidays and all but work is just killing us. I'm talking about me and Jed. We've been bouncing off the floor like real maniacs just to accomodate the 32 people. 19 dumb people.. 12 dumber. HAHAHHAHAHHA. I'm just really joking. Thats how it is when you have trainees anyway.. and to be really fair.. they are just newbies. But sooner or later.. they will become brilliant reps. Wink.

Zzzzzzzzs.. where are you? My body is ready.. but my mind just keep on wandering from one topic to another...

Its getting late.. and cold too.

Signing off..

100th post! yey!

2007-12-04T18:27:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I was able to keep this blog. I have another blog that contains all the drama in my life but then I wasn't able to keep it. Yeah, eventually I put a stop on feeling pretty dramatic most of the time so there's really nothing to write there. But I know sooner or later I might just update the sight because honestly.. who can avoid drama?? Hell, I don't like it but I realized that without all the D shit then we can never say that we're stronger right?? I got home pretty early today because I was in the office 4 hours earlier than my usual shift. I'm almost done filling up the seats... so thank God for that. The only thing that I need to worry about will be the upcoming christmas shopping and a dozen of reunions to attend to. I might not be able to make it on my Christmas party this coming 15th because I need to be in Alex's aunt house for the exchange gift party on the 16th. Hopefully by then, I already have a car to avoid the hassle of commuting. Keeping my fingers crossed. ;)

I can't seem to get this thought out of my head for the past days.. GETTING MARRIED. Ok, don't freak out.. I'm not yet ready to go to that phase. I was just thinking about it because two of my closest guy friends are already married.. well technically, the other one will be getting married this coming 28th. My bestest friend in the world tied the knot early this year. It broke my heart to see him taking the decision at an early age.. but hell, at some point life compels us to do things like that right? Especially when we are so in love. My only wish for these two great guys is to find happiness after all the heartbreaks and drama that they have gone through pretty much on the early years of our friendship. I love these guys, i really do. And if I could, I would want to take care of them for the rest of my life but all boys need to grow up. Thats just something that I need to get used to. At the end of the day, if everything didn't work out fine for them... I know for sure that they had the time of their lives. We cannot outsmart getting hurt right? We need to let down our guards to make each time worth while.. to feel alive again.. but then payback is a bitch. Em i making any sense here??

I don't have plans of getting married yet. If you asked me, I've been into this relationship for quite sometime.. 7 years.. and still no plans. Well actually we have a plan to settle two years from now.. but 2 years is a long time.. I really don't know whats going to happen then. i love my guy of course, thats the honest truth, I just don't want to plan everything ahead only to find out in the end that we'll both have a change of heart. Its devastating. I guess my problem is I always have my guards up. i don't let anyone in even if it kills me to lose a person.. I am super understanding, a friend once said. And i see that its one of my major flaws. I realized a lot of things when I was single. Bless me. We can only have moments of clarity when everything seems pretty blurry at the start. How can you know light when you didn't go off wandering in the darkness for a long time?? Thats what I'm talking about.

Maybe I will get married or maybe not.. but one thing is for sure... i am in love like most of the married couples that I know. I am responsibly in love with a person that I've been with for 7 years. Sure we both made mistakes in the past but we get back together and realized that we've grown a lot from all these things. Cheating at some point is inevitable in a relationship.. without it we won't feel "real". I'm not saying its a good thing but c'mon.. its one of the downside of being human right? We sometimes love to be in a mess. But after cheating there are a lot of things that we can realize.. above all the drama there's still the struggle of picking up the shattered pieces.. glued it.. to comfort ourselves that we are unbreakable now. Yeah, whether we like it or not.. we are breakable.. what makes you think that we are unbreakable anyway? Thats not a way to live..

This is life. This is me. This is the world. The world we all live in.. if you can stand up in the crowd and blurt out in the open that you have never experienced heart aches and loneliness... then what is it that you live for?? How will you know the feeling of happiness when you haven't experienced being lonely? Love when you are unloved at some point?? If you admit to yourself that you made mistakes and outlive to realize in the end that you are a better person.. then you deserve a standing ovation. Isn't that what we all live for? To fail and succeed... to stumble and stand... to cry and to smile.. without all of these.. honestly, whats the point of living??

yeah.. you bet. Drama.. Drama.. Drama. Yeah, I take my title seriously.

So long for my 100th post.. check you all later.

Bedtime Drama

2007-12-03T20:38:00.000-08:00

I'm almost at the end of the game.. I started playing it yesterday.. boy, I'm so slow. If only I could play some more but I have to put down the controller and get ready to hit the sack. First day of work today.. and I have to wake up pretty early tonight to interview people for the final ramp of my account this year. I have to fill 24 seats and we're soooooo late. The class was supposed to start last Nov. 30. So.. you get the picture.. I'll be running around the office in the wee hours of the morning with my stilettos on. Gosh. I love my job. :) Thats the new mantra.

Have you noticed the change in the background?? Yeah.. its pretty melodramatic.. but this song brings so many memories.. there's always the adrenalin rush when I hear it. Ok, I'm not going to put you guys through all of that. Hehe.

I've watched SHOOT EM UP yesterday. It was so cool. How in the hell did they come up with some fucken twisted ideas?? Its a kick ass movie.. short but kickass. My favorite part was the park scene.. the guy was soooooo pissed.. he whispered.. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. Hahahaha. Laughtrip. But ok.. ok.. here's what you need to know.. MONICA BELLUCCI is still smokin hot.

My dad is going ballistic outside my room as we speak. Some stupid act that my sister pulled... I wonder what that is... but i'm about to sleep so I'll just ask him later.

i'm not yet sleepy but I know I need to get some zzzzzzzzs....

Catch you all later.

Long long weekend.

2007-12-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

There was once a guy who told me that one of my great assets is my HANDS. He said that mine were soft and long and just like a model's. He also said that any girl would kill to get a hand like mine's. Now honestly, where did he come up with all that shit?? If there is a disease where the varicose veins can grow in your hands.. my hand will be the best spot. Common... I play video games during my Idle times at homes.. when I say Idle time that will be like 2 days or so. I take my games seriously... its like a part time job or something. I don't have any expensive games.. kahit game boy advance.. pede na.(Well, when I'm filthy rich..I would really want to restore muscle cars anyways.. but then I'm not.. so the Project Camaro, Pontiac, Stang and the Mach's would need to wait a lifetime.. geez.) But I really hope that I can buy a car before the year ends... what do you guys think of restoring a '67 bug? Classy right? I'm planning to paint it metallic black and the mag wheels will be red.. or vice versa. I'm also planning of installing the '98 bug headlights on the classy one. I've seen one out in the street some time last week after watching Beowulf in IMAX at MOA. Maaaaaan.. the bug was so classy. I was drooling inside the cab. I can see the upholstery inside and it was just great. And yeah.. there's the Volks metallic signature in front. Really classy... a friend once told me that it will cost around 250k to 300k to restore an old beetle for a show. But hey! I'm not planning to join a contest or something.. just wanting to restore a classy car. Wait.. till you see the plans that I drafted to restore the Camaro and the Mustang.. and yeah.. the Thunderbird car.. but damn.. I'm still not rich. Need to save up first for the wedding first right?? Whoa.. who's getting married? No one guys.. I just wrote what I had at the top of my head.. Holda' who says this entry is for muscle cars and wedding shit?? Why do I even start talking about it anyway? The post said long long weekend.. yeahhhhhhhh.. I'll be on leave tomorrow! Rest rest rest!!

Ok.. believe it or not.. this entry is for the first GOD OF WAR game. I actually had it on pause as of the moment. I was so awe that I got really excited blogging it. I defeated some monster hydra and still.. I so want to blog it that I kept on dying crossing some stupid wrecked ship. As we speak, my TV screen says: YOU ARE DEAD. It gives me two options.. Restart game from last checkpoint or Quit game? Hell no! Not a quitter.. but my PC is just beside my TV so I decided to blog anyways. I had this game for centuries but my PS was not playing it when we first bought it. So I had to play the second part of the game. I was so bored this evening and was actually playing RE4: ASSIGNMENT ADA with Alex but he went home just past 11 so I decided to go to sleep. But I saw my Dad watching an old bond movie that he got from my collection and had to ask him to return it in my room right after he watched it.. but he bombarded me with a dozen of James Bond questions which helped me to stay awake and a bit excited to regal him with my James Bond trivias... but unfortunately he asked me to go back to my room and play PS because he can't concentrate on the movie. Honestly.. what is it about boys and their ego? I was under the impression that my Dad got pikon with all the things that I know about boy stuff. There was this one time that he asked me what's the name of Magneto's son and I answered Quicksilver in a heartbeat. Booy.. you should have seen the look on his face.. all the colors were drained.. as if he wants to blurt out in the open.. : WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?? Well.. he could have asked me some Barbie questions and he could have walk away with the victory in his face. But then again I thank God that my Dad doesn't watch Fairytopia and the like.

Well.. anyway,Alex was here a couple of hours ago helping me with our Christmas Gift List.. we cut down on out close friends and family list but all in all. we still have 75 gifts to buy this weekend. Shit.. the other 8 reps that will be added on my team is not on the list yet.. so go figure. We also set a budget for the Christmas shopping. I just wish that i still have the energy to shop after shift this Saturday.. or I might just end up screaming and throwing tantrums to him at the mall.

Heeeeeey.. what the hell?? This was supposed to be about God of War right?? Geez.. I have so many things in my head.. I'm having a blogger moment. Hehe. And yeah.. I have to tell you about the cute pair of shoes that was given to me by Alex's sister.. thank God.. I finally have something to wear on Margo's wedding this 28th. Hope by then I already have a car so that I'm off Eunice's back. Hehe.

oh geeeeez.. I left the TV idle for quite some time now.. Have to sign out and finish the game. Its 2:30 in the morning already.. but I ain't scared to oversleep later.. my Dad just got inside their room! I bet he'll wake up really late later.

So.. if you guys are wondering what I'm doing these past days.. I'm not out of town or anywhere.. just lying around my bed inside my comforter... playing.... yeah.. GO FIGURE!

You have a nice week ahead, bloggers! :)

2007-12-01T11:39:00.000-08:00

Marin: Oh mom, I hate this. Now do you get my theory about all this? You gotta self-protect.
Erica Barry: You don't really buy this stuff you say, do you? You don't actually think that you can outsmart getting hurt?
Marin: I think it's worth trying.
Erica Barry: Listen to me. You can't hide from love for the rest of your life because maybe it won't work out... maybe you'll become unglued? It's just not a way to live.
Marin: Are you telling me this is good? What's happened to you?
Erica Barry: I think you should consider the possibility that you and I are more alike than you realize. I let someone in, and I had the time of my life.
Marin: I've never had the time of my life.
Erica Barry: I know, baby. And I say this from the deepest part of my heart. What are you waiting for?

-Something's Gotta Give, Movie
*Lines from IMDB movies, picture from Google Search. (vladstudio.powweb.com.)

Post Thanksgiving list

2007-11-29T22:21:00.000-08:00

My list is pretty random but as far as I know these are the things that I'm thankful for.

1. Sony Playstation consoles
2. Mi Familia
3. My friends
4. Video games and DVD pirates
5. Alex
6. The Dark Gift writers
7. My Led Zep Discography
8. My collection of books
9. My PC
10. Lotion and oils
11. Acupuncture (they keep me sane!)
12. My Ipod Video and all the crappy things on it!
13. Steven Strait, Adrian Grenier, Brad Pitt and Benicio del Toro
14. Cable TV
15. NYFD!
16. The Intelligent and Creative japs!
17. Casual Love
18. The feeling of being taken care of by someone special
19. Pretty boys at work.
20. Prison Break!!

.........

11 years of GORE and the like...

2007-11-23T14:33:00.000-08:00

While browsing for the latest game in GAMESPOT, I looked back at my raging hormone days and lit up. Yeah, It's been 11 years and counting since I played the first Resident Evil game. This was released in 1996 by CAPCOM to Sony Playstation and was later on ported to Sega Saturn and PC. I remembered how I used to come up with crazy excuses to my fellow classmates and faculty members when asked why i often missed afternoon classes. And hell, yeah! How many times did I wreck my PS console due to non stop playing? I can't even remember. I think my dad bought me one PS console, I destroyed 2 of my boyfriend's and one PS slim of my cousin's. Plus my mum bought me a couple dozens to keep me in the right mood at home. (Ha! But my time is not wholly devoted to RE games, ladies and gents! There's the occasional Silent Hill and Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy Saga.) I tell you.. I didn't do drugs and sort when I was in my teenager years.. thanks to Sony and the like!

Going back to RE games... as I was browsing GAMESPOT today, I moaned in frustration when I once again laid my eyes on the remake of the original game (RESIDENT EVIL) that was released on GAMECUBE. I'd trade anything to play it in GC but hell.. why will I buy a GC anyway? When they are releasing RE5 in XBOX360? Now, I'm really torn between 360 and PS3. They are releasing Silent Hill in PS3,
(The first cover title of the game courtesy of Wikipedia)
guys!!! And on the downside of it.. they also released the Resident Evil 0 in GC (The story of Rebecca Chambers)in that console. Oh well, those were the days when I was pretty broke and jobless. I guess at some point you can't really have all the good stuff huh? And maybe.. since these are the first games that were released on the early 2000, I will prolly burn the console while waiting for tons of NOW LOADING... disclaimers on the screen. Just like Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness that was first released in PS2, the sequel to the Last Revelation, after the controversial so called death of Lara Croft. Hey, there's that TOMB RAIDER CHRONICLES that they made first in PS1 before deciding to resurrect Lara on PS2. I didn't finish the Angel of Darkness coz its a real pain in the neck. I was so annoyed with the NOW LOADING thingy on the screen once in a while... so i just played Devil May Cry instead.

Anyway.. let's go back to RE games again! (God, I'm such a blabbermouth when it comes to Video Games, please forgive me.) I might post the RE history when I'm in the mood one of these days. Surely by now, you guys can easily see that I'm a fanatic. But please don't ask me what are my thoughts on the RE movies because everytime my favorite games are being channeled to Hollywood, I always cry in disappointment. They fuckin' killed Carlos in the third sequel! Creative, yeah. But satisfying my standards? Fuckin' far fetched. Some of my friends who watched the third sequel were pretty awed.. but ask my geeky friends.. they're gonna spit on you if you say that. One of them might just slash you in the throat ALA Leon Kennedy in RE4 and watch your guts come out of your neck.. ok stop with the violence.. let's focus on my blog entry.

When asked who is my favorite RE character?? I'll range them from 1 to 3. Ok first is Jill Valentine. First reason : She's friggin' hot! The first chick to kick ass before Claire Redfield and Ada Wong. Claire is pretty much young and well.. immature I guess. Ada, I know is smoking hot! but is just a bit.. i dunno.. womanly on my standards? There's no way a woman can combat all those zombies in a red dress and she's just so sickly mysterious that I'm starting to think that she's on the bad side. And oh yeah.. with Jill Valentine.. lock pick anyone?? Second is Leon Kennedy. You

( I'm a kick some zombies' ass!Leon Kennedy in RE4 courtesyGoogle)

have to play RE2 and RE4 to know the difference. In RE2, because of the not so well enhanced graphics... Leon has this stiff almost unmoving hair that turned me off.. but other than that.. I just like his boyish, brave and at the same time coy attitude in the game. If you play RE4, well.. you'll simply hate Ashley being near him! He changed from being the boy next door to the manly ballsy guy that made me hoped of being salvaged and kidnapped by the Los Illuminados just as long as there will be a Leon on the rescue! He's the epitome of the smokin hot my hero type of guy. Ok.. enough of the Leon Kennedy delusions. Let's jump on my third favorite character. Chris Redfield. Geez, I really hope that Jill and Chris has something going on between the two of them. They look so good together. Plus, Chris is the first RE guy player that you can play.. and he looks so damn good in the GC remake. What the hell happened to him anyways? Geez, I hope that I can buy a decent copy of the Veronica Code so that I can finally finish it. I have 5 copies of it but eventually nothing of the 5 is playable on my PS2. Why did they make a movie of RE and focus the story in the non-existent Alice character? And making the original characters like Jill Valentine, Claire Redfield, Wesker, and Carlos on the background? Thats just so unacceptable! She even beat the hell out of Nemesis in the second sequel! I tell you that monster is invincible throughout the game even if you shoot him with a rocket launcher a lot of times... but he died

(Drool, you stinky zombies! Jill Valentine in RE3: Nemesis)

in the movie as Alice kicked him out in the open. Or so I know.. I really can't remember because I fell asleep in the first leg of the movie and woke up seeing the ending credits. Geez.. so much for the expensive movie tickets.

i'm really excited to play RE5. Geez, I wish the PS3 console will depreciate sometime soon. So that I can buy both 360 and PS3. Planning to buy a WII but I have to figure out first things first. Geez.. this is a long post. Might be pretty useless for some of you who don't play much of VGs and I hope that the RE movie fans will not hate me like one of those gory zombies. Just my opinion, guys. No intention of hurting your feelings. :) Like what I used to say before.. this is how i'm wired.. Love me hate me, I'm just being me

(I'll burn you all zombies to death. Chris Redfield in the upcomingRE5)

I'm Kellie.. and I'm signing out. Check you all later.

*Characters photos courtesy of Google Search. All hyper links courtesy of Wikipedia.com and GAMESPOT.

teka lang naman...

2007-11-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and I realized that I've acted like a complete noob last night. The hell was I thinking?? I honestly feel like what I did last night was completely uncalled for.

I drunk message someone. And hell.. I'm telling you.. hell talaga.

I went out with this guy seven months ago. Things didn't work out the way we wanted it to be. But other than that, everything that happened between the two of us were pretty great naman. No regrets whatsoever. Medyo malabo nga lang yung closure between the two of us. This made me wonder most of the time.. galit kaya sya sa ken kaya nag iiwasan kami? Meron kaya syang narinig na mga tsismis that gave him the impression na parang nag kiss and tell ako?? I'm sure you guys.. know where I'm coming from. If you were able to spend time with a great person.. I'm sure at some point when things like this happens, its compelling to clear out your name. I'm not good with confrontations.. and I'm really not that type of person to carelessly go out in the open to start the drama. For the first time in my life.. I was clueless. And hell, I want to break the ice between the two of us because the thought of having someone holding grudges on you..really freaks me out. I don't want to make the first move.. honestly.

But sooner or later.. I know I had to stop feeling like this when I see him near. And once in for all.. I really want to end it. To put a stop.. to whatever this is and have peace na.

So I gathered every inch of confidence left in me and confronted the guy. It was pretty ballsy, my friend told me. But hell, I don't care anymore what other people might think about me. Its just that I felt so uncomfortable conversing with him because my pride is killing me while explaining my side. I felt like I really don't need to explain or something.. but for the sake of closure.. to make it easier for both of us.. at this point of time..I chose to sacrifice my pride. I hope this will never happen again. I'm not proud of the things that I have done in the past.. but sometimes I have to be the hurtee. Now I know what it feels like to be in the situation. I told him that what I'm sorry for putting him through all of this and that I want us to move on with our lives and look at what we had as a learning experience so that we can be a better person in the present.

I really hope that I didn't sound cheap or easy. But this is the only way out.. I have to face it and be true. I have to deal with my own mess.. stand up and move on. At some point.. I really owe him an explanation.

God, my pride is really killing me. But it was worth it to let yourself out in the open and humbly accept the fact that I cannot always win battles.. you have to lose to gain some. To admit to yourself that life doesn't always veer in directions where you want it to end.. to begin or to stop.. at some point when you reached a stop sign.. you have to take a detour. Every experience.. every moment.. is just worthwhile.

Ah.. finally. The calm after the storm.

2007-11-12T23:13:00.000-08:00

Need a part time job.

I'm considering.. part time home based freelance writing.

you guys have any idea? please send me the site that might help.

thanks guys!

Bad Girl no more.

2007-11-02T20:11:00.000-07:00

I've seen worst, I whispered to myself on my way home as I patiently wait at the back of the cab. I had a bad day today.. I told P that I felt like the world is conspiring to make my life miserable last night. It was the shittiest day of the week.. far none. Thank God.. I'm not required to render OT today. And thank God for this officemate of mine who kept on sending office correspondence in my outlook that I felt like ricocheting on my seat out of this universe because his letters are so hilarious.. its going to blow your mind. If I was his English teacher, I swear.. I'll beg God to let the earth swallow me and eat my flesh alive. I had one NCNS today and one rep who was late because he thought that the DST was effective today.. some crappy reason that'll just bring the Jack the Ripper in you. Plus the system was so uncooperative... I swear I was on the verge of hauling the pc to the coals.

But anyways.. I'm not going to waste my energy reminiscing all of that shit. I've seen worst..

The only thing that made my day today? A message from an old crush in the workplace. He asked me how I've been doing and all. God, it took me like 15 minutes to compose a decent sentence. I tell you.. I was pretty nervous when I sent him a message days ago and I was scared that he might not write me back. The hell was I thinking anyways?? sending him a hi note out of the blue?? Right now, I'm still thinking that my reply was pretty cheesy and all.. I feel like a complete idiot. i just hope he won't think that I'm checking out on him or something.. I just hope somehow he wouldn't get the idea. But hell, this guy is pretty smart. When was the last time that I went out on a date with a noob anyway??

Someone asked me out today. Some guy I know. Some weird guy. I told him I'm dating someone but then I let him know that he's pretty attractive and all... and If I'm not taken.. I will go out with him in a heartbeat. No bullshit. I don't know if the world turned topsy turvy or something.. because I've been getting invitations from some decent guys that I used to like. And hell yeah, I felt pretty bad ditching these guys.. because at the back of my mind.. I kept on asking myself.. "where you been six months ago?? When I was free and single and lonely??"

You can never justify cheating I guess.. or maybe some people can. But this is how I see it.. there are just deeds that can put you into a deep sort of misery after doing it. And thats something that I don't want to feel. If I can do things like dating other guys (no attachments, whatsoever) while in a relationship, hell that will be fun. But I know that I can't get away with that.. guilt kills me big time. Guilt will always be the death of me. Seeing me in flesh will be a dead give away.

Its normal to gawk at pretty boys. When they talk to me.. I usually smile.. flirt a little.. exit. This is my strategy. When they give me compliments.. I am always polite to return the favor. This is how I'm wired. I dated a lot of guys.. the melodramatic.. the good looking nerds.. the hotties.. the bad boys.. the exquisitely confused guys.. the loners.. the jerks.. the talkers.. the rich.. the middle class.. the smart ones.. the intellectuals... the self confessed losers.. the radicals.. the serious types.. and most of all.. the loyal guys. These guys have one major weakness: EGO. And like most of them, I value my ego as if my whole life depends on it. This is the only card that you don't lay out on the table. If you surrender them, sad.. but you will see your world falling apart in front of you.

To all you girls looking for the right guy in your life.. always remember this: There's no such thing as soul mates or a perfect match. You can't enter someone else's world and expect them to change. Life is dynamic. The constant thing in this world is change. First thing that you need to do is to accept the person that is you. Do not dream of becoming someone else.. this will be your downfall. Do not dream of meeting someone in reality who lives in your dream world. We often fall in love with the "fantasy" which fails us to see the real person in front of us. This can scare potential prospects. Do not over analyze them.. do not expect them to fill up the missing part of your life most of the time. If you depend your happiness to your partner, this will ruin you when they leave. You have to find ways to happiness even when you're alone.. this will make you feel whole. Needy girls always attract disasters.

And the ultimate secret of success to catch a guy : CONFIDENCE. We are not supermodels.. or Audrey Hepburn.. but deep inside.. we always think that we are far more better than them. And this.. ladies and gentleman.. is unbearably sexy. Just don't over do it... or else you'll end up as the girl with a big head. Major NO NO.

its 12:06 in the afternoon and the hell em I doing?? God.. work is turning me to a talking self help book.

I'm definitely ballparked. Should go get some zzzzzzzzzzs.

Drama..presents...

2007-10-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

*This is a repost from my other blog. Yeah.. my other blog is pretty melodramatic. I have no compelling feeling.. nothing at all.. to put you all into that. This was written sometime March this year.. reading it makes me feel proud of myself. And a bit of an idiot and self centered too.

Read on. Its pretty boring.. but I guess you get the picture.

so.. are you worth it?

Why do people always want to be a part of something forbidden? Is it a choice? Is it the thrill of the chase? The euphoric feeling that you touched something untouchable. That you took part on why someone's life is miserable. You are a part of the mess. The kind of mess that feels good. The one that uplifts your ego, you feel so damn happy that someone chose you over someone. You tell your friends about it and they were all staring at you in awe. Hey, I won. I'm an exquisite human being, you tell yourself every 2 seconds while you take that long walk home.

so after winning whats the next fucking thing to do? the thrill is not there anymore. The chase was over. Where do human beings go from here? I know some people who walked away from it.. i know others who stayed for the most stupid reasons. Is it an evil side of what we call human nature? i see it happening even to the clergy and the reserved. Do we always have to act on it? Or are we just some part of the fucked up cycle where God plays absolute and we are his pathetic little guinea pigs? At the end of the day, whats in there? Do we feel fullfilled? Or we wake up and say to ourselves..'hey, things just happened.. "

so are you worth it? Coz I'm betraying someone else's trust right now. My close friend. The friend that was always there when I had no one. She cries most of the time because of you and I sat there listening and comforting her.. while I linger on the thought that we might be together soon. So.. did you tell her yet? The girl you said was great.. the one that you've been with for a couple of years? Do you think I'm worth it.. when you claimed that everything's perfect for the two of you.

Who's going to walk away first? Is it you or me? Because I don't know how. i know I'm better off without you.. and I have a feeling that we're thinking of the same thing. Its such a dreadful feeling to decide because in the scenario that we're in.. its a choice between you, my friend and myself. i know I can cure myself when I get hurt.. I can always move on. I think you're great.. but I love her. And you know I can offer so much more..its just that you caught me in a really bad time. I'm sorry. I really am. i can't stay on this mess any longer. Its just not worth it. We're not worth it.

2007-10-24T19:38:00.000-07:00

"Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live."

-Adolf Hitler, German Head of State and Supreme Commander

2007-10-23T19:06:00.000-07:00

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

- Tyler Durden, Fight Club

*photo courtesy of Google Search

Strait Greene

2007-10-22T06:21:00.000-07:00

I woke up early today for work. Unusual. I stayed up late last night and the night before watching Entourage.. ok.. don't raise your brows. The only thing why I watched the complete season... ADRIAN GREENE. He looks like Benicio del Toro. The next big thing, I hope. I love Del Toro since the day I laid eyes on him in Excess Baggage. And he's one decent actor!!And Greene.. can you guys still remember..ummm.. whats that teenage flick again?? ermmm... DRIVE ME CRAZY? (he's of course, with that Sabrina chick, I can't remember her name tho. But she's that witch chick with a lazy eye in real life.)Ok..still don't have any idea who is A? He's the guy in the Devil Wears Prada. Yup! He's Ella Enchanted's american boyfriend in that flick. Yeah.. he's the epitome of the word HOT... because I'd still say that Steven Strait is SMOKIN' HOT!!!(Ok, this is me when I'm bored: I gawk at pretty boys.)

if just in case.. you guys don't have any idea who the hell is Steven Strait....he's that guy in THE COVENANT. Yup.. he's the leader of the witch pack. I think his name was Caleb. Anways, he's also that long hair guy in.. what's that movie again?? SKYHIGH?

Anyways.. shouldn't be blogging.. I'm still at work. Hahahha.

tell you more when I get home.

2007-10-18T17:50:00.000-07:00

Katatapos ko lang basahin yung baging libro ni Bob Ong, MACARTHUR. Tumawa... na tats (touch) at tumawa ako habang binabasa ko yun. Wala lang.. gusto ko lang sabihin.. pero hindi talaga yun ang dahilan kung bakit dalawa ang blog entry ko ngayong araw na to. Matagal ko rin natapos yung sinusulat kong blog sa opisina kanina.. kasi sympre maraming bumibisita sa cubicle ko.. eh... kelangan kong magpanggap na busy ako.. pero ang totoo.. pumepetiks lang talaga ako eh. Taena... hassle naman kasi sa opisina! Biruin mong tinanggal na nila yung access namin sa TRILLIAN, alam nyo ba yun?? (yun yung chat application na pede mong ma i-load yung contacts mo sa AIM, yahoo, ICQ, MSN at IRC) So since tinanggal na nila yun.. sinusubukan kong ibalik! pero taena.. ayaw gumana. Hindi ko tuloy nakausap yung mga prens ko sa yahoo.. eh pag uuwi na kasi ako sa bahay.. naka log out na mga yun dahil gabi na sa states. HASSLE! AIM lang ang pinapagamit sa min ngayon.. eh sino naman ang kakausapin ko dun? Boss ko? Eh di nahalata pa na wala akong ginagawa.

Halos araw-araw na rin akong bumibili ng pirated DVDs dun sa isang rep ng officemate ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Pero baka bored ako. O bka kasi nagagandahan ako dun sa mga cover. Pero ang totoo?? Overpriced! 75 pesos, man! Ayan naman kasi ang hirap sa mga tao ngayon.. akala nila.. dahil sa callcenter nagta trabaho.. malaki na ang kita. Well, totoo naman ng konti lang.. pero man! Hindi naman ibig sabihin nun na hindi kami namamahalan sa mga bilihin ngayon no! Ang baba na ng dolyar pero tumataas ang gasolina. Kamusta naman? Sabi nga ng mga manyakis kong rep.. panty na lang daw ang bumababa ngayon! Minsan tinataas pa raw. Eh putangina.. ampapanget naman kasi nila. Libre na nga.. ngipar pa... Haaaaay.. lubayan nyo ko.. mga MAAAANSTERRRRR!!

Tapos hindi rin ako masyadong nag a update ng blog kasi nagbabasa ako. Natapos ko na yung Twilight series.. (I'm a sucker for the dark side.) Eh taena.. supot naman mga bampira dun! Saan ka naman nakakita ng bampira na na inlove sa tao? Taena.. kung bampira ako.. sinipsip ko na dugo nun. Siguro appealing yun sa mga teenagers pero pag mga nasa edad 25 pataas ka na.. matatawa ka na lang. OO, medyo nasayang nga yung pera ko. Eto pa.. meron din palang werewolf na nainlab dun sa bidang babae.. taena naman. Pati ba naman werewolf? Sana dinagdag nya na rin si Freddy Krueger para mas compelling di ba? Wow.. ang theme pa nung ibang scenes dun parang sa Wuthering Heights lang.. ang saya saya talaga. Matutuwa pati si Jollibee. Putangina. Sana binili ko na lang pala yung libro nung anak ni Anne Rule tungkol sa paranormal research. Kung natakot ako.. nasiyahan pa sana ako. O kaya.. sana naglaro na lang ako ng Harvest Moon.

May nagsabi rin pala sa ken sa office na ang taray taray ko raw. Eh ano naman ngayon? Kelangan ko bang ngumiti sa lahat ng tao na para lang sila ang nagbabayad ng Meralco ko? Sino ba naman ang hindi magtataray? Isang araw lang akong nag leave.. sunod sunod na ang absent sa team ko. Ngayon ko lang naisip.. ang mga reps ko.. kung hindi aabsent dahil nagtatae.. aabsent dahil nilalagnat.. pero pag nakita mo kinabukasan.. ang bilis umakyat ng hagdanan dahil male late na. Yung mga malulusog naman.. may mga sakitin na nanay at tatay kaya umaabsent din ng madalas. Leche naman oh. Hindi na ba to matatapos?? Pakshet.

Lame Entry.

2007-10-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

I know.. I shouldn't update my blog when I'm at work. But then again... I'm bored as hell. Plus, I have authority issues. unauthorized blogging, is just tempting.

I checked on Anne Rice's web today... and boy.. I was just flabbergasted. i just feel that my favorite author in the world is on her breaking point. She decides to write about the life and works of Jesus Christ. Well, knowing Anne.. I know its not impossible to write stuff about JC, since she was raised in a devout catholic community.. I guess that her greatest influence in writing her exquisite masterpieces such as the Vampire Chronicles (Lestat, will always be my favorite vampire, compared to the wussy vampire of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, Edward Cullen.. now don't get me wrong on this one.. I still think that he's strikingly handsome and passionate and I guess I shouldn't be comparing Anne Rice's works with the latter because her dominant characters shadow such personalities from the classics like E. Bronte's Wuthering Heights and W. Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.. bits and pieces of Jane Austen's works like Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility) came from her late husband the poet, Stan Rice. Now don't get me wrong, gooooooshh.. did I make it sound like writing about JC is a bad idea?? Sorry.. thats far from the point. I did read chapter 1 of CHRIST OUT OF EGPYT and I think that its a pretty good novel. I would comment on this book right after I read it this coming winter.

But Anne Rice?? Not writing about vampires and witches?? Who are we kidding here? 'Em i being blasphemous? There has to be a reason in this.. like some sort of a twisted conspiracy theory. Did she decide to re invent her faith after the death of her atheist husband? Maybe.. or maybe its just one hell of expressing that she's in the brink of losing it all. No.. I'm not going to judge Anne. But hell, there's got to be some middle ground!

But whatever the reason is...

I'm definitely not going to haul her over to the coals.

2007-10-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

Things at work have been pretty exhausting. J and I agreed that this has been the most intoxicating week from the previous months that passed. Thank God, the interview for the Indemnity ramp was over. I really don't have any notion where would I be if the people that I interrogated didn't show up for their J.Os. Gosh, I really need a vacation. Somewhere rainy and cold. All alone while reading a scary book somewhere far away from civilization, curled under a bloody red sheet of the most perfect king size bed made of mahogany, surrounded by the pitch black of nothingness with only the yellow inviting light emanating from my lampshade as the rain starts to pour just outside my half closed window.. with a beautiful vampire silently watching me from afar.. lurking in the shadow.. waiting.. his incandescent eyes patiently surveying my wholeness.. waiting for the perfect time to strike..to hold me in his cold arms.. to feel my warm cheeks against his broad muscular shoulder.. as he gently whispers in my ears.. "This is what you've been longing. There is no heaven or hell. Just you and me. Be still, my love.. this is damnation. This is my world." JUST PERFECT.

But I'm not going to be a vampire anytime soon.. so this means I'm going to hit the sack before 10am for I have a long and tiring day ahead of me. Gosh, my life sucks. Another day wasted..

But then again...

Immortality awaits...

Just around the corner. ☺

2007-10-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

Been procrastinating in a while. I have the pc inside my room.. but really... its just one of those days that I feel like there's really nothing to write. If I could.. I will call in sick today but I was thinking of the people who are depending on me in my work.. so I went in anyway, I didn't reason.. in a way.. i just felt that I'm compelled to go because of the responsibilities. Gosh, its really overwhelming. Sometimes it can get to your head.. and the rest is history.

I don't even charge my cellphone nor my IPOD. They stayed in my bag.. useless for the moment.

I stayed in my room the whole week.. watching.. almost anything. I honestly don't know what I've been watching these past days.. all I know was that I was staring at the tube.. lost in nothingness.. my eyes cold and blank. Thinking of nothing really. Maybe, I've lost it....

Thinking.. of maybe... why... why do I have to be in this plain? My life is nothing extra ordinary... I'm so low in the foodchain.
---
This never happened. I hate you. I'm not going to mop around anymore. You never happened to me.

I really wish.. I'm making sense right now. But I'm not...

Work is killing me.. argh.

For the sake of Blogging.

2007-09-26T19:03:00.000-07:00

What's on my IPOD as we speak:

1. Fall Out Boy (Under the Cork tree)
2. From Autumn to Ashes (Too Bad You're Beautiful)
3. Motion City Soundtrack ( Even if It Kills Me, Commit This To Memory)
4. The Who (The entire discography, ladies and gents!)
5. The unofficial HOUSE soundtrack (season 3)
6. Jason Mraz (Live at Schuba Tavern)
7. The Best of Aerosmith
8. Led Zep's Greatest Hits
9. The Best of Ramones
10. Rancid

--
Whats on my American Home:

1. Rome
2. The 4400
3. The Number 23
4. Meet the Robinson's
5. Ocean 13
6. Fight Club (as usual)
7. Malena (Monica Belucci, baby!)
8. Bourne Ultimatum
9. Prison Break (ep 1 and 2 of the most awaited season 3!!)
10. 300 (Spaaaaaaartaaaaaaans!!! you guys are hot!)

--
Whats on my bag:

1. Contact lens
2. Contact lens kit
3. Pepper Spray
4. APAC ID
5. Green leather wallet
6. Kikay Kit (Maybelline's Aqua Foundation, Victoria's Secret lip gloss, Pond's pink powder) Yes, guys.. I'm not a make up person
7. Celeteque Moisturizer
8. Victoria's Secret lotion (Love Spell luminous body lotion)
9. IPOD
10. Cellphone

-- haaaaay... salamat inantok din ako.

Later guys.. I have a party to crash at 5.

2007-09-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

"You gave me peace... in a lifetime of war."

-Achilles to Bruseis.

** This is how love should be. Passionate. Violent. Worth dying for.
*(photo from Google Search)*

* terror sa QC * (walang maisip na title)

2007-09-20T19:28:00.000-07:00

Gumising akong masakit ang ngipin. Alam nyo ba kung baket? Kasi naman tinutubuan ako ng wisdom tooth. OO.. wisdom tooth.. di ko nga alam kung baket eh.. napakabata ko pa para sa second childhood.

Pagpasok ko... muntik akong maiyak kasi nakita ko yung mga taong pumipila sa labas ng Araneta para manuod ng Fall Out Boy. Late na nung nalaman ko na darating sila sa pinas.. nung bumili ako ng ticket.. SOLD OUT NA!!! Sinubukan ko pang tumambay ng saglit sa labas ng Araneta.. naghanap kami ng mga prens ko ng mga scalpers.. pero wala.. wala kaming nakita kaya pumasok na lang ako sa office.. at sila naman ay pumasok ng Araneta. Habang naluluha akong naglalakad papalayo sa kanila.. sinubukan kong i comfort ang aking sarili.. sabi ko.. Di bale.. sa December manunuod ako ng concert ng POLICE. At ngayon pa lang bibili na ko ng ticket.. kung meron nang nagbebenta...

Ok na sana.. pero... umambon....

Nagalit na naman ako kasi naalala ko yung hampaslupang anakpawis na nagnakaw ng payong ko sa office. Taena naman.. andaming nanakawin yung payong ko pa.. di tiklop lang yun.. kung magnanakaw ka dapat yung hindi ka mababasa di ba? Hoy..sa yo na yung payong ko. Skwater!

Bakit ba andaming snatchers sa QC? Grabe... yung isang rep ko nahablutan ng bag tapos na withdraw pa lahat ng pera nya sa ATM.. walang PIN huh?? Pero na withdraw! Pero sana.. sana lang.. aminin sa ken ng rep ko na naisulat nya yung pin nya sa kung saan man sa ATM nya... para naman hindi ako kabahan sa tuwing dala ko yung ATM ko.. sabagay sino namang tanga ang magsusulat ng PIN sa ATM nya mismo di ba?? pero.. parang yung rep ko lang yun kasi eh... hahahhahahahhaha. Pero seryoso.. kawawa sya... kahit na niloloko ko sya na dapat ay rereypin sya kaya lang nakita yung mukha nya sa liwanag kaya bag na lang ang kinuha.. hahhahahahhaha. Sama ko, grabe.

Oh pano?? Ingat na lang kayo.. wag mukhang tatanga tanga sa daan... baka...

mabiktima.

Sober.

2007-09-16T22:55:00.000-07:00

I updated my site in Multiply. yeah.. i'm pretty bored.

been thinking a lot these past days. I felt like I was back to where I actually started. Day one.. of only god knows where.

been trying so hard not to be square. But I guess I am.

i guess at some point we all feel this way, right? Like you know you have tons of dreams but you just don't know where to start. Like feeling as if you've done almost everything but when you look at the past.. you kinda get this feeling that you've been stuck there for the longest period of time and everything is just your make believe. Your own world of make believe. You're fucken derailed from everything that you've planned all your life. You're getting nowhere...

Yet I still hope.

Fuck. I'm not making any sense at all.

Saturday Sportsfest

2007-09-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

I got home at maybe around 2pm today.

The opening kickoff turned out pretty great! WhoA! (para lang foundation day sa school.)

I had a great time.

Reunited with long lost acquaintances. Small chitchats.

Bonded with old time friends. Same old faces... new set of stories.

ANIMO ALABANG!

Taena. Namiss ko kayo lahat!!!!

* love letter 101 *

2007-09-14T02:51:00.000-07:00

This is pretty neat. I was deleting mails in my ems and came across this.

Hi.

I couldn't tell you what I wanted to say last Friday. The place and time was an issue. The walls have ears, the air has eyes. What I wanted to tell you was for your ears only but because things did not turn out the way I wanted it to be, I decided to transform my thoughts into the pixels that make-up this email. May this letter convey what what my voice could not. BTW, this letter is for your eyes only. I don't want anyone else from the ---- reading this, just in case you happen to open this on one of our terminals.

Seeing you makes me happy. Maybe it's the eyes behind the spectacles, for you used to wear glasses back then, your hairstyle at the time, and the way you dress, your love for games and anime, and your perky personality. All those factors worked in concert to sow chaos in my soul, the seed of inspiration. And so it progressed, I was not content with just a sight of you, I yearned to do something, to make you happy as you make me. Remember when I let you borrow my animes? I love doing favors for you because I like you a lot.

One day you asked me to look for that Final Fantasy X-2 Yuna Necklace. It wasn't to hard to find. This page, http://shop.himeya.com/products/etc_ff/ff10_2_yuna/ff10_2_yuna.html, is at the top of the Google search list. I seized the opportunity when you said that you wouldn't want to buy something that expensive. Sure there are cheaper versions of the item but they are silver plated versions, they wouldn't last long. I believe that you deserve only the best. So, armed with my credit card, and cash (I don't want a horrendous bill on my credit card so I had to pay it immediately), I ordered the item, had it shipped to the USA (Himeya doesn't ship to the Philippines, boohoo) and then have my acquantance ship the item here.

I was planning to give it to you on Christmas day but things were such that I could not afford the delay any longer.

It all started when you moved to your new place, near -----. One of the them, ---- noticed the improvement in my work and thought that the change was attributed to you. It was partly my fault. When they asked why I was doing more emails than they did, which is of course expected because their group does nothing all day except surf, gawk at the girls, talk shit, and do maybe... 20 or less emails, my answer was, 'I am inspired.' Now ----- is really good at reading a persons movement... his guess was correct of course. I loathe that day. My wish was to keep my thoughts secret until Christmas Day.

Maybe I was paranoid. I started to avoid you and ignore you when were in the operations area, reverting to my friendly side only when we get to meet outside. I had this feeling that you resent me, that you were trying to make me feel sad, annoyed.. jealous? So I said, 'I can't take this any longer, this has to end.' And there is no better way to end it than giving you the necklace.

October 15 came. I gave the necklace to you as a way of thanking you, to express my feelings, and as a way of ending them. I was wrong.

I heard from a friend that you shed tears when you got the necklace. Is this true? I was not expecting that reaction. I thought that the necklace would make you smile, but tears? I hope it's not affecting your work. The flame within was not extinguished. I still feel for you...

But I have to face reality. The most that I can hope for is to be your friend.

If there's anything you need, don't be afraid to ask, lalo na pag anime ang pag-uusapan. Wag kang mag-alala. Makukuha mo ang last 2 disks ng Greed Island final this week. Hininhintay mo pala ang installments, hindi mo sinasabi, nalaman ko na lang noong kinausap kita noong Friday. Bakit hindi mo sinasabi na kailangan mo pala ang huling installments!?! Hindi mo pa ata napapanood eh.

- Tidus -

2007-09-14T02:04:00.000-07:00

Been dreaming...

about you.

When I know I shouldn't.

Dreams have their ways of screwing up the reality. You are the farthest thought in my head...and yet....

I will not give in.

We're both forbidden.

-EKM

* Muy Pepito.. *

2007-09-12T18:31:00.000-07:00

Nakasalubong ko yung isang long lost pren ko kanina. Pauwi na ako ng bahay.. papasok pa lang sya. Sa totoo lang.. ayoko talaga siya makasalubong kasi medyo mahaba haba din ang lalakarin ko pauwi.. at alam ko na habang nilalandas ko ang daan pauwi sa amin ay iisipin ko ang mga nakakatawang memories namin nung isang taon.

Nung isang taon.. some time last year.. nung single ako.. may pina date ang pren kong ito sa ken. Pinsan nya na kakagaling lang ng Spain. Half Filipino, half chinese.. hahahhahaha.. joke lang. Spanish naman. Itago na lang natin sya sa pangalang Pepito. (Hahahhaha!) Kakatawa talaga. Taena.

Unang date pa lang namin ni Pepito (group date ito).. alam kong hindi na kami click. Eh paano ba naman.. nung one time na nagkukwento sya ng tungkol sa salsa.. magkaiba pala kami ng iniisip. Sabi nya...

P: I think salsa is really hot. A lot of people like it.
DK: Yeah. I like putting hot salsa in my quesadillas.
P: Huh?
Pren#1 : (pabulong) Tsong, mali ang sinasabi mo. Hindi kayo nagkakaintindihan.
DK: Eh ano ba?
Pren#2: Salsa, pwre. Yung sayaw.
DK: (pabulong) Eh tanga pala to eh. Wala bang Hot Salsa sa Spain? Sa Tacomio nga meron.
Pren#1: Nakakahiya ka tsong. Ibahin mo na lang yung usapan.
DK: (pabulong ulit) Ano sasabihin ko?
Pren#1: Tanong mo kung kakilala nya si Marimar.
DK: Taena mu.

Nung sumunod na niyaya nya akong lumabas, sabi nya family reunion daw. Hindi ako sumama kasi sa isip ko baka kamukha ng lola nya si Armida Siguion- Reyna... tapos paulit ulit na nagpe play sa utak ko yung commercial ng Ponds kung saan pinakilala ng isang lalaki yung girlfriend nya sa isang dinner... tapos biglang nag comment yung matapobreng nanay sa wikang Espanyol.. tapos nag espanyol din yung babaeng gumagamit ng Ponds. Eh kamusta naman? Kung ako yun eh baka ipagtabuyan pa ko ng nanay nya na parang sa commercial lang nung ano nga bang gamot yun? Neozep ba? Dein ko alam.. pero ganun yung mga iniisip ko nung panahon na yun. O di kaya.. sisigaw yung lola nya pag nakita ako na kasama nila sa hapag kainan ng.. INDYO!!! INDYO!! SINO ANG NAGPAPASOK SA INDYONG ITO???!!!

Pero sympre hindi naman ako magpapatalo kaya nag research ako. Aba.. nakisali ako sa mga maliliit kong pinsan na nanonood ng Dora. Meron din naman akong natutunan na spanish words. Katulad ng.. abuello, abuella, casa, uno, dos, tres, kwatro.. pero naisip ko na para magmukhang smart ako pag kausap nya kung maisasaulo ko na lang ang kantang MACARENA tapos ire recite ko sa harapan nya ng mabilis na parang nagagalit lang.. pero..pero.. hindi ko ginawa. Unang una.. nung sinubukan ko.. nagkakaroon ng tono. Kahit anong gawin ko ay parang kinakanta ko lang talaga.. mukha akong tanga. Dein na lang.

* cheesy *

2007-09-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

* I had this song in my IPOD for almost a year now. I dunno why I kept it but maybe because it reminds me so much of us.

Oh no, no, no, no

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, so much better off

Cause we're better off, so much better off
So much better off...
Seperated

I'm sorry we didn't make it...

- Separated, Usher

* things that i just don't get.. *

2007-09-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

Here's my list:

1. I can't understand why parents are letting their kids watch HIGH SCHOOL MUSiCAL. I was out the whole weekend spending my time with Alex's family (his mum left for the US yesterday! T_T ). Its just weird... I'm weirded out! LOL. It's just... its.. so gay. Well, I'm sure the fans will always find a coherent explanation why kids should watch the movie.. but then again... puhleazzzzzze.

2. I don't get it why some guys are just so rude with the help. Oi! losing your cool to a maid, busboy, room boy.. etc doesn't make you some big shot. Taena.. akala mo kung sino. Sana kung gwapo.

3. Dads who tell their sons that crying makes you gay. I hope you guys are aware that when you do this.. you're just one of those chauvinist pigs who have an ego of a planet but ends up losing anyway.

4. Girls who are still trying to get the attention of an old flame.. ex-bfs.. I mean girls who are desperately trying. Really. Come on. Let it go already... because in the first place if they still want you.. they will be the first one to get your attention and they'll spare you the humiliation of being their SHADOW. Taena.. kakahiya kayo. Promise. I mean I understand the pain can be really nasty at some point pero halerr naman! Don't be such a drama queen.. whats done is done. It can be pretty tempting to call once in a while but if they shove a big NO in your face.. let the guy go. He's an asshole for letting you go but it doesn't mean that he can't make it right the next time. Everybody has the right to happiness.. remember that.

5. Guys who are so indecisive they are willing to risk lsoing almost everything in the name of pride. Oi! Magbago na kayo.

and my list can go on.. and on.. and on.....

I'm sleepy. Check you all guys laterzzzzzzz!

2007-09-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

Best day of my Life!!

I was interviewed for the OM post. But i know that I will not be shortlisted.

Humbling Experience!

Will work hard. Party Harder.

This is a wake up call.

Turning point.

wuhooooo!

2007-08-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

Kinabahan ako. Akala ko.. hindi na ako makakapag blog dito. Nakalimutan ko kasi ang password ko pati na rin yung secondary email ko. Kung paano ako nakapasok dito ulit.. aba eh.. Hindi ko alam. Siguro.. destiny talaga. Hahahahhaha.

Eh ano na nga ba ang nangyayari?

Sa ofis.

May opening sa account ko ng Operations Manager... sa Alabang nga lang. Pero account ko pa rin. iniisip ko kung mag aaply ako. Ang totoo.. alam ko naman na hindi ako makukuha. Hunch lang. Pero parang.. gusto kong mag apply kasi gusto kong malaman yung mga questions na itatanong nila para kung magkaroon ng opening sa Cubao ay may ideya na ko kung paano ang interview para sa Operations Manager. Nagyaya rin naman ako ng makakasama at sinabi ko sa kanila ang aking brilliant idea.. pero ang sagot nila.. "Sige.Una ka na. Share mo na lang sa amin yung mga questions.. " Eh ano naman ang masama kung mag apply tayo?? Hindi naman yun nakakahiya. Eh ano naman kung hindi tayo matanggap? May trabaho pa rin naman tayo. Basta ako.. kung sisipagin ako.. mag aapply ako... kahit alam kong hindi ako matatanggap. Sus.. para interview lang. Hindi ka naman gagahasain kung hindi mo alam ang sagot sa mga tanong nila. Ang importante.. alam nila na may intensyon kang ma promote. Duh. T-H-E.

At oo nga pala! Pansamantala.. may pasok ako tuwing Sabado. Hindi ako nagreklamo.. eh ano naman? Importante sa trabaho ang maging pro-active paminsan. Basta ang importante.. COMPEN!

May outing ang workforce ngayon! Wuhoooo! Hindi ako kasama pero masaya ako para sa kanila.

Sa buhay ko.

Nag uusap pa rin kami ni The Hotness at McWakey. Kami pa rin ni Drama King. Going strong....

Hmmm.. wala naman bago. Baka magpagupit ako ng uber sa iksi. Eh kasi sabi ng kaibigan kong si Emerson ay bagay daw sa ken ang buhok na pinauso ni Gwyneth Paltrow. Hmmm.. feeling ko naman lahat ng gupit bagay sa ken.. dahil wala naman magbabago. Pangit pa rin ako.. hahahahhaha.. at malaki ang paa.

At as usual.. napapaligiran pa rin ako ng mga taong sawi sa pag ibig. Nyeta. Palagi na lang nila akong ginagawang sounding board. Nalalabuan talaga ako sa mga ibang tao. Kung bakit nila pinapagulo ang isang bagay na simple lang naman.. aba eh malay ko. Kung ayaw sa yo.. maraming iba. Kung hindi ka tinetext.. huwag mong itext. Kung kinalimutan ka.. kalimutan mo rin. Kung mahal mo.. sabihin mo. Kung niloloko ka.. lokohin mo rin. Kung hindi pa ready.. maghintay. Kung hindi mo kayang maghintay.. maghanap ng iba. Anak ng.... may mahirap ba dun?? Yan naman kasi ang hirap sa karamihan ng tao, partikular sa mga babae.. ang akala nila ang buhay ay parang sine. Hindi yan yung tamang ma drama na parang sa mga love story na napapanood sa Hollywood. Sa totoong buhay.. walang RUNAWAY BRIDE...merong My Bestfriend's Wedding.. Pretty Woman minsan at Notting Hill din at madalas eh.. THE GOOD GIRL at SERENDIPITY. (Grabe, ang negative ko no??) Sabi ko naman sa inyo.. MINDSET lang yan.

Wala pa ring bagong playlist at movie sa aking IPOD. Tinatamad akong mag download at mag convert ng mga videos sa VIDEORA. Saka na lang.

Pinagusapan namin ni McWakey ang Silence of the Lambs saka Se7en. Hmmmm.. baka bumili ako ng pirata na DVD. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan yan si MW. Hindi sya sang ayon sa piracy dahil sabi nya.. IF THE MIDDLE CLASS AND THE LOWER CLASS CAN'T AFFORD THE ORIGINALS.. THEN..THEY SHOULDN'T. ITS FUCKEN LUXURY. Wushuuuuuu.. eh baket ka nag da download ng movies sa net? Labo mo, man.

Sa mundo.

Magkaaway si Willie Revillame at Joey De Leon.

Malapit ng ilabas ang 3rd season ng PRISON BREAK!!

Ginagawa na ang GOD OF WAR saka PRINCE OF PERSIA, the movie.

NIlabas na ang Resident Evil (sequel sa Resident Evil na nilabas sa PS2) sa xbox 360! Wuhooo.. sana may 360 ako pero PS3 na siguro ang bibilin ko. Sabi ng kaibigan ko astig daw ang 360 pero.. solid ako sa PS kaya PS3 ang bibilin ko.. alang alang sa pride. Nyahhahahahaa. Hindi ko rin bibilin ang WII, B. Kahit mura pa sya. Nyahahhaha.

--
Naisip ko lang habang nagba blog ako.. kelan kaya ilalabas ni Mc Farlane ang bagong set ng TWISTED FAIRY TALES???

Sana bukas na. Excited na ko.

september na!

2007-08-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

Wuhooooo!!! Malapit na naman magpasko. Isang taon na naman ang lilipas.. pagkatapos sasabihin mo sa sarili mo.. hmmm.. next year dapat iba na ang trabaho ko.. next year dapat... nabili ko na to.. next year dapat.. na promote na ko. Saka ko na lang gagawin lahat ng plano ko.. next year.

Dadaan ang next year.. magpaplano ka ulit... para sa susunod na taon. Labo.

I hate to be a party pooper pero.. ayoko talaga ang christmas season. Well, maliban sa climate. Yun lang ang gusto ko pag magpapasko. Malamig. Eh minsan... mainit pa. Lumalamig na lang pag malapit na ang summer. Pero nagustuhan ko rin naman ang pasko sympre.. nung bata pa ako kung saan ang tanging problema mo lang ay kung bibigyan ka ng aginaldo ng mga ninang o ninong mo na palaging wala sa bahay nila sa araw ng pasko. Pakshet.

Pero ngayon?? Matraffic. Masikip ang daan at ang mga malls. May mga batang makukulit sa gate. May mga christmas gift list na kailangang asikasuhin. May mga reunions na kelangan puntahan.

O sige nga... ano pang meron sa pasko??

Nakakapagod. Nakakainis.

* Ang Love Story *

2007-08-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

Sa totoo lang... nang una kong makita ang poster ng A LOVE STORY ni Aga Muhlach, Angelica Panganiban at Maricel Soriano.. ANG BUONG AKALA KO AY SUSPENSE-THRILLER sya. Kasi naman kung makatitig si Aga kay Maricel dun sa poster na yun.. parang gusto nyang halayin si Maricel... nang paulit ulit. Saka sa totoo lang, hindi kasi ako nanunuod ng TV masyado kaya hindi ko alam na sikat pala yun. Hindi ko talaga alam na may mga trailer pa pala na pinapakita yun sa TV. Nalaman ko lang isang gabi nung nag uusap ang boss ko at isang co-worker na napanuod daw nila... at kakaiba raw ang twist. Ang love story lang kasi na napanood ko ay yung kay Yoko Ono saka kay John Lennon. OO na.. sige na pathetic ako. Kasi naman sa tuwing bubuksan ko ang TV.. either manunuod ako ng DVD, cable channels at maglalaro ng PS2. Eh malay ko ba... may sariling TV na ang nanay ko sa loob ng kwarto kaya hindi na ko masyadong nanunuod ng local channels. Hindi ko na realize... hindi na pala ako naa - update sa mga bagay na kinahihiligan ng masa. Ano na kaya ang nangyayari sa WOWOWEE... pero nakita ko kagabi nang pumasok ako sa kwarto ng inay ko para magpaalam papasok sa trabaho.. nakita ko na.. isasayaw na ni banker si Ate V. sa DEAL OR NO DEAL. Wow.... nanganak na pala si Kris Aquino.

Anyway... napanuod ko na ang A LOVE STORY na yan kasama ang dalawang bisexual na kaibigan. Wala akong narinig sa kanilang dalawa kundi.. "ANG HOT NI ANGELICA..", "SHET.. ANG HOT NYA..." at wala naman akong nasabi kundi "YUUUCK.. " sa tuwing may love scenes si Aga at Maricel.. si Aga at Angelica. For some weird reason, I just feel ankward watching it. Sa tuwing naman may love scenes si Aga at Angelica.. gusto kong sumigaw ng CHILD MOLESTATION... CHILD ABUSE.. EXPLOITATION... at kung ano ano pa. Hahhahaha. Ako lang siguro to.. weird lang talaga ako. Pero nung umpisa pa lang.. alam ko na agad ang twist ng pelikula na yun. Hinihintay ko na lang siyang matapos. At ang haba nya! Para lang akong nanuod ng Lord of the Rings. Nyahhahaha.

-
Pero kung tutuusin.. magaling ang Scriptwriter ng pelikula. Maraming batuhan ng dialogue na may sense naman. Panigurado ako.. maraming mga babaeng nanuod ng pelikulang ito. (Duh, as if naman papanuorin yan ng mga lalake.. si Celso at si Ralph lang ang alam kong nanuod nito, kinaladkad pa si Ralph ng girlfriend nya! eh si Celso?? malamang.. gusto lang makita ang dyugs ni Angelica.. pero puro side view naman eh. Sorry, tsong. Next time na lang.. pag gipit na talaga sya sa pera. Hahhahaha. Yun lang din naman ang reason bakit ako nanuod eh!) Pero teka.. ang tinutukoy kong mga babae ay hindi lang basta mga normal na babae. Yung mga tipong..nang-agaw, nanghiram, inagawan, nagparaya, nagmakaawa, niloko at yung talagang mga dumaan sa masalimuot na pagkakataon sa buhay nila.

Kung iisa - isahin natin ang mga dahilan kung bakit nangangaliwa ang mga lalake o ang mga babae.. mauubusan tayo ng oras. Pero ang dapat nating malaman ay may mga dahilan - mali man o tama - kung bakit natututo silang magmahal sa labas ng isang relasyon. Sa tingin ko.. lahat ng tao ay marupok.. may kahinaan na hindi sadyang nasasaling ng ibang tao kung kaya't natutukso silang magmahal ng iba. May mga kulang sa buhay nila na hindi mo alam kung paano pupunuin... na hindi nila alam kung paano hihilingin sa yo. May mga pagkakataon na ikaw ang bumubuo sa kanila, ikaw ang nagpupuno ng bawat kulang. Kaya ayun! Voila! Huli ka! Kabet ka ngayon. Nyahhahahahha.

Pero huwag kang papayag.

Dahil hindi mo kayang punuan ang bawat pagkakataon na may kulang sa kanya. Hindi ka magiging masaya. Hindi mo kayang magbigay nang paulit ulit nang hindi ka nasasaktan. Hindi mo kayang magmahal ng sandali lang. Hindi mo kayang magmahal ng may kahati. Hindi mo masasabing pagmamahal ito.. dahil unang una.. kapag pumayag ka.. hindi mo mahal ang sarili mo. Masakit man isipin pero alam mong totoo yan... sa bandang huli.. nagwawagi pa rin kung sino ang nauna.. sa simpleng dahilan na.. hindi ka nya mapapansin.. kung hindi nagkulang ang isa. At pag dumating ang panahon na magka ayos sila... san ka naman pupulitin??

Simple lang ang buhay. Huwag kang mananakit... at hindi ka masasaktan.

Taena.. tagalog na tagalog yun ah!

* kasal, rush hour 3, mga holdapers.. at kung ano ano pa *

2007-08-19T17:10:00.000-07:00

Wag mo na akong tanungin kung ano ang nangyari nung sabado.

OO. Natuloy ang kasal. At hindi nagbago ang motif...orange and red pa rin. Sa gitna ng bumabagyo at malamig na panahon ay nagbiyahe kami para marating ang simbahan. Akala ko ay makakatanggap ako ng text message mula kay Drama King na hindi tuloy ang kasal ng kuya nya.. pero naisip ko ngayon ngayon lang na kung hindi sya matutuloy ay malulungkot ako. Ikaw na ang maglibot sa buong mall para maghanap ng kulay red na dress at sapatos. Masasayang lang ang lahat ng hirap ko kung nagkaton. Nakabili naman ako ng mga nasabing bagay at hindi naman ako pinalabas sa simbahan ng makita ng pari na naka dress ako.. kaya.. salamat sa Diyos.

Beso dito.. halik duon. Ganito ang bawat tagpo sa tuwing may reunion. Wala naman akong complain dun.. sa totoo nga.. masaya pa ko dahil may pagkakataon na mahalikan ang mga gwapong kamag anak ng boyfriend ko.. hahahahhaha.. kasama na ang mga celebrities nyang kamag anak. Hmmmm.. hindi ko na babanggitin kung sino sino at baka may makabasa.. na kamag anak ni Drama King at masabihan akong jologs. Hahahahhahaha.

-
Naidaos din ang kasal.

Kinabukasan, nanuod kami ni Drama King ng Rush Hour 3. HIndi ako naniniwala na naghihirap ang Pilipinas.. sa totoo lang. Bumulaga sa amin ang mahabang pila sa sinehan. Sabihin na natin na pwedeng mga inday yun na nag day off...kung mahirap tayo.. bakit may pambayad tayo sa mga housemaids? O di kaya.. bakit marami ang may pera na pambayad sa sinehan?? Well.. naisip ko habang bumibili ng tiket si DK sa sinehan.. baka naman karamihan sa mga ito ay mga snatchers o kaya holdapers.. kaya tsinek ko ang aking bag. Sa awa ng Diyos.. nandun pa naman ang aking wallet.

Kwela pa rin naman si Jackie Chan at si Chris Rock. Marami pa rin ang natatawa sa kanila..kahit na masakit sa tenga ang boses ni Chris Rock at nadi distract ako sa malalaki at mapuputi nyang mga mata. Pero ang nakakatawa ay yung super humongous kung fu guy na talaga namang sobrang mega huge nya na para bang mas matangkad pa siya kay Hagrid. Ang laaaaakiiiii nya, grabe. At ang paa nya??? Juskulord.. kaawaan mo po ang mga ipis.

-

haaaaay... magka away na naman kami ni DK. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero meron lang talaga siyang mga ugali na nakakainis. Siguro ako din ganun.. pero mainit ang ulo ko ngayon kaya hindi ko muna sya kakausapin. May mga bagay syang sinabi na nakapagpa init ng ulo ko.

At higit sa lahat... stressed na naman ako. Eh bakit hindi?? May pasok mamaya kahit holiday!!! Haaaaaaayyyyyy... ang buhay.. pakshet..parang life.

did you check your friendster lately??

2007-08-17T00:59:00.000-07:00

Haaaaay.. ang lakas ng ulan sa labas. Gusto kong matulog pero since magdamag na akong nakahiga dahil nga may sakit ako.. napag isip isip ko na bisitahin ang aking friendster account. Hmmm.. matagal ko na rin na hindi tinitingnan ang profile ko dun. At syempre.. tinamad muna ko saglit bago ako bumangon. Pero para kasing may humihila sa kin papunta sa desktop ko... kaya sige na nga.. titingnan ko na....

Voilaaaaaaaa!!!! Isang katutak na friends na ikinasal..ikakasal.. magpapakasal at masasayang litrato ng mga nawawalang kaibigan na nagliliwaliw sa ibang bansa. Tiningnan ko ang pictures... tapos mga ilang minuto lang.. nag log out na ko. Bakit ba andaming gustong magpakasal?? Sa totoo lang... that part... I just couldn't get.

Bakit ba ang daming pumupunta sa ibang bansa para magtrabaho?? Ok naman dito sa pinas. Well.. siguro hindi lahat ng tao ay simpleng kagaya ko. Basta ako.. ok na ko dito sa pinas. Walang pwedeng lumait sa 'ken dito.. at magdikta ng dapat kong gawin.. dahil unang una.. TERITORYO ko to. Kuntento na ko sa mga pictures na kinuha sa loob at labas ng opisina ko.. sa isang sulok ng aking kwarto o kaya sa kung saan saang parte ng mga lugar na naging parte ng buhay ko sa loob ng 26 na taon. Wala akong ambisyon na magtrabaho sa ibang bansa o di kaya ay tumira sa malaki at malapalasyong bahay.. pero gusto kong mag aral sympre sa ibang bansa sa ngalan ng history.

Pero dito pa rin ako sa pinas. Akin to. Proud ako dito.

---
Sympre bored ako kaya kung ano ano na naman ang pinagsusulat ko. Pero ang totoo... gusto kong mag blog dahil parang crush ko si Oyo Boy. Nyahahahhaha. Naisip ko kasi habang nanunuod ako ng EK3 (dahil umuulan at wala na akong mapabuod na iba pa) ay guwapo naman pala si Oyo Boy. Naalala ko tuloy nung last year lang na nakasalubong ko sya sa PETRON, yung Da Place sa labas ng Ayala Alabng kung saan kami nag iinuman ng mga kaibigan ko. Hindi ko muna sya napansin nung una sympre... dahil parang..mas matangkad pa ako sa kanya at para lang siyang naalimpungatan nung gabing yun at nagpasyang bumili ng Gatorade kasama ang isang lalaki na mas gwapo sa kanya. Nagkabangaan kami.. pero walang nagsalita. Walang kumibo. Unang una.. siguro kasi dahil puro mga lalaki ang kasama ko at wala silang care sa mundo.

Nung sumakay na kami ng kotse pabalik sa office ay wala pa rin nagsasalita. Iba ang pinag uusapan nila.. pero pakshet.. si Oyo Boy... binangga akoooooo!! Ano ba naman yan! Bakit walang nagco comment??? Jologs ba talaga ako kung ako ang unang mag oopen ng topic??
DQ: Anu ba naman yan si Oyo Boy.. hindi man lang nagsorry!
Boss: ???
J: Ah si Oyo Boy. Hindi ko sya napansin.. pero astig yung sasakyan nya huh?
Boss: Ah.. yung guy na bumangga sa yo. I don't even know his name. Basta ang alam ko.. lagi ko lang natatalo yun sa counter strike.
DQ: Kilala mo pala yun.. hindi mo man lang ako pinakilala.
Boss: Are you serious?? Who is he anyway??
J: Anak ni Vic Sotto.
Boss: Ahhhhh.. siya pala yun. Well..next time. I thought you'd be more interested with Richard Gutierrez..kalaro ko sa basketball yun sa village namin. Yun.. kilala ko.

Haaaaaay... log out muna ko. Di na to kinakaya ng peanut ko.

2007-08-16T01:02:00.000-07:00

Ok.. unang una.. baket mo ko tinatawagan?? Aba, potah ka.. hindi ba't sabi mo sa ken parang kelan lang yun.. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE?? Ano naman ang palagay mo sa ken?? Hindi nakakaintindi ng ingles?? Siyempre alam ko ang ibig sabihin nyan. Ang ibig sabihin nyan ay.. hmmm.. pakyu ako. Pakyu ka rin, pakshet.

May sakit nga ako.. eh ano naman ngayon?? Parang dati lang wala kang pakialam sa ken.. kahit mahulog pa ko sa kanal o malunod sa tubig baha deadma ka lang dyan. (well, kung mangyayari man yun.. hindi mo na malalaman!!) Hilakbot.

I don't really care what you're up to right now. Sana ganun ka rin.. because if you really want to know the awful truth.. I am much better without you.

And yes.. you are right when you said that I have a number of ex's that I still keep in touch with. Ano naman ang pakialam mo?? Whatever you do, you will never be in that list. Get over it, asshole.

* Im sick again.. but the world ain't stopping *

2007-08-15T23:55:00.000-07:00

You know its really frustrating how you can be a victim of a very nasty fever. Yup. Monday night.. I was up and running around the floor. And the next day I was lying in bed.. too weak to utter a single word. Nasty virus.. if you ask me. And good lord.. can someone please turn off the air conditioning on the second floor before someone dies?? It feels like we're living in fucking Juneau. Plus.. the weather these days.. tell me about it. (*sighs*)

Honestly, I really don't know if I still have a job when I get back to work. From that on moving forward, I think I'm gonna be so lost.. my life will be like a replay of PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS crap playing before my eyes. I dunno.. maybe I'm just being sentimental because I'm down with the sickness. Delusional maybe. But then again, thats possible. My only comfort comes from a colleague who rarely makes it to work and yet she's still in the payroll. Right at this very moment, her example is a shining beacon for me. Nyahahahha. But honestly.. friends.. I'm really serious. I think that no one can get fired when they are really sick, right? First.. the conjunctivitis.. and now this.. whatever you call it. My internal med diagnosed me with recurring viral infection r/o typhoid fever.. whatever that means. And yup.. that cruel practitioner sent me for some blood work.. and I feel like killing that pathologist. She fuckin' jabbed that needle to my arm for like maybe 5 minutes or so trying to get the right vein to draw blood from. Today, I learned that when you stick it to the wrong vein.. you ain't gonna get any blood to fill the long syringe.. Yup.. I have to learn that the hard way with the idiot pathologist on my side. I seriously want to strangle her. And for the record, this is the first time I got an awful bruise in my arm for simply undergoing a typical CBC. Some blood work, huh?? Honestly, she needs to be re-trained for DRAWING BLOOD 101. Hell, I can be punctured by a hungry vampire and I bet it wouldn't feel a thing. Argh.. so much more of being a drama queen. Anyway, to cut the long story short.. after the unpleasant encounter with the dumb pathologist.. I lived. So.....

You know what.. if I lose my job.. here's a comforting thought. I will study nursing.. or maybe that course that they offer on how to draw blood properly on sick people. And I will be a good one.. because at the end of the day.. before the world sleeps.. I don't want to be that idiot that almost killed a sick person while trying to get enough sample of blood to get a proper diagnosis. I said.. I'll stop right??? But I just hate her.. God, I wish I really know voodoo... Or an assassin..

B moments

2007-08-09T17:05:00.001-07:00

I'm having a pretty tough week. Believe me.. beats me if I have the energy to blog about that. Honestly? I have a handful of reasons to be pissed for the entire week but I just don't want to rant about it because I might spend the whole day counting all the awful things why we should hate the world. I'm not gonna put you through all of that shit.

This blog entry is for my dearest friend Bri. I have a lot of folks to hang out with but still I have a number of friends (if you know what I mean). I always ask myself why I have a lot of friends-friends but still at the end of the day, I always end up confiding to a few of them. I guess by now you have a pretty good idea why I'm blogging for Bri. Yeah, he is one of those smart people that can stimulate your mind when you're in the rocks. He made my day by going online just in time when I'm about to explode because I'm surrounded by, I dunno, a lot of crap?? He's in the States now but he will be back some time October.. by that time we will probably spend a lot of time catching up where we left things. With him, you can just talk about anything else and you won't feel judged. Thats the good thing about Bri. He doesn't judge people and I just love spending time with him. When we're together, we're carefree.. we don't really think of what other people think about our dysfunctional relationship. There was a rumor that I was going out with him. I guess in a way.. I did. But thats another story. We survived that part. There are just things that you can talk about him.. things that you don't have the courage to share with someone else. Just with Bri.

The weird thing about Bri is that he is kinda afraid to fail. He is a very competitive guy by nature but then sometimes you find yourself stuck in a conversation while trying to analyze why he's so afraid to take risks. That's weird because he's pretty good at playing poker. Just weird.

Gosh.. I miss having sex (sinangag express) with him. I swear to God, every time I passed by the place.. at the back of my mind.. I always wish that I'm eating with him.. laughing our hearts out as we share a hearty meal. F*ck..I really miss Bri.

2007-08-08T17:25:00.000-07:00

Make your own dummy book at bigoo.ws

EX: Hey, guess what?? I'm dating someone new!
Kel: Isn't that great??!! You can finally bring someone on my wedding day!

* nanggigigil mag BLOG *

2007-08-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

Pakiramdam ko kapag hindi ko ito naisulat... makakakain ako ng tao.. buong buo. Walang kutsara at tinidor. Kung bakit kailangan kahapon ilabas ang hilakbot na survey form na yun... sila lang ang nakakaalam. Sumakto talaga kung kelan sinabon ko ang lahat ng reps ko dahil sa lumalalang absenteeism report. Syempre dahil Drama Queen ako ay tinipon ko ang kapwa ko mga TLs at sabay sabay kaming nagalit sa mundo habang pinag uusapan ang kontrobersyal na Team Leader Survey form na yan. Not that we suck.. pero ang tanong ko lang... bakit walang survey forms kung saan kami naman ang magbibigay ng opinyon sa mga pasaway naming reps??

Malakas ang pakiramdam naming lahat na babalahurain kami ng mga gunggong na yun. Sympre ito na ang tamang panahon para makaganti sa mga panahon kung saan nasigawan, binara, tinanggihan ng sup calls at hinarass namin silang lahat para mag report sila sa office sa mga pagkakataong tinatamad silang pumasok dahil may date.. naglasing.. napuyat at talagang tinamad lang silang gawin ang trabaho nila.

Unang tanong : Does your TL speaks English all the time?? May pakiramdam ako na 99% ng mga tsonggo na ito ang nag check ng NO box. Ok lang. Totoo naman.. hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay nagsasalita kami ng Ingles. Eh baket naman? Kung unang una ay hindi kayo magkakaintindihan ng rep mo sa kadahilanan na sa tuwing bubuo siya ng english sentence ay daig mo pa ang sumasagot ng sangkatutak na algebra problems dahil hindi mo maintindihan kung ano ang tinutumbok nya. People let's be honest.. there are times when you have to step down on their levels to understand them. Kung magsasalita ako ng English with matching phase and intonation tapos bobo ang kausap mo.. aba aba aba! Sayang ang effort.

Pangalawang tanong: Does your TL takes your sup call all the time? Isa pa to. May mga pagkakataon na talaga namang nakakapag painit ng ulo ng isang TL ang pagtanggap ng sup call mula sa mga reps na hindi ginagawa ng tama ang mga trabaho nila. Eh pakshet.. sa tuwing tatanggap kami ng sup calls.. kundi kami sisigawan ng mga callers dahil sa tanga ang kausap nila ay tatanumgin naman kami kung paano namin tine train ang mga reps namin. Para sa isang TL na gumagawa ng attendance report, performance log at kung ano ano pang deliverables na halos sa office na kami matulog para lang mapasa sa deadline.. nakakairita talaga ang matanong ka ng isang poncio pilato kung paano mo hinahawakan ang mga tao mo. Ok.. trabaho namin ang tumanggap ng sup calls.. pero trabaho rin nila ang magperform. Tanginang yan.

Madalas naririnig ko sa mga reps ang reklamong ganito : "Ano ba yan, TL! Andaming calls!! Bakit andaming calls??" Aba potah ka.. saan ka nagtatrabaho?? CALL CENTER. Ano ang gusto mong gawin maliban sa tumanggap ng calls?? O di kaya naman ay... "Ano ba yan.. bagsak na naman ako sa QA. Bakit ba palagi na lang akong bagsak sa QA?? " Gusto kong isagot ng madalas.. "Eh baka kasi kulang ka sa Iodized salt, ina ka." pero sympre hindi pede ang ganun kaya kailangan mong ire-phrase ang sagot mo ng "You just have to try better the next time.." o kaya.. " I think your greatest challenge as a rep is to be... "

Hindi madali ang maging isang TL. O sa tingin ko.. kahit anong trabaho hindi madali.. kahit simpleng barkjer ka lang ng jeep. Potah. Mahirap din yun. Pero ang nakakainis lang sa trabaho namin ay sa tuwing magkakamali ka ay nakikita ng mga tao sa paligid mo ma pwede rin nilang gawin yun.. kahit alam nilang mali. Bilang isang TL kailangan mong magpaliwanag ang lahat ng ginagawa mo kahit sa mga sandaling ikaw lang ang makakaintindi kung bakit mo ginagawa ang isang bagay.

Akala ng iba..walang kwentang magtrabaho sa call center. Wala ka raw kasing ginagawa kundi mag take ng calls. O kaya ay magyosi at magkape. Hindi ganun yun. Mahirap magtrabaho sa mga oras na tulog lahat ng tao. Mga kaibigan mo.. boyfriend at pamilya mo.. lahat yan kailangan mong bigyan ng pansin sa mga pagkakataong hindi mo sila mabigyan ng oras dahil ang shift mo ay parang nagbabantay lang ng sementeryo. Lahat yan kailangan mong isakripisyo. Lovelife.. family life.. hobby... studies.. at kung ano ano pang mga bagay na kumukumpleto sa yo bilang isang tao.

Mahirap ang magtrabaho sa call center. Eh kung TL ka pa?? Tangina.. mas mahirap.

Haaay.. labo talaga.

* Rainy Monday *

2007-08-06T01:51:00.000-07:00

Malakas ang ulan.

Sympre kailangan miserable ako sa unang araw ng pagpasok sa trabaho matapos ang mahabang absence dahil sa pesteng sore eyes. Hindi ako magdadala ng payong... dahil...milyon milyong payong na ang naiwala ko kung saan saan. Eh taena.. sino ba ang gustong magdala ng payong???

Iniisip ko pa lang ang tambak ng trabaho sa office.. gusto ko na ulit umabsent. Ako ang reyna ng PROCRASTINATION.. isipin mo yan. Ibig sabihin maliban dun sa mga iniwanan kong trabaho bago ako nagka sore eyes.. meron pang mga panibago ulit na gagawin dahil matagal akong nawala. Sigurado.. pag uwi ko mamaya mananaginip na naman ako ng mga papel na nagsasalita at folders na nanghahabol. At sigurado.. pagbukas ko ng Outlook sa sandaling umupo ako sa cubicle ko ay magmumura ako ng malakas.

At ito pa..hindi pa ako nakakaligo ay tumutunog na ang telepono ko. Isang rep na hindi makakapasok dahil FAMILY EMERGENCY daw. Nang itanong ko kung ano ang emergency.. naoperahan daw ang tatay nya dahil... sa sakit sa bato. WOW. Gaano kaya kalaking bato?? Ang hirap talagang maging Team Leader. Putangina. Lagot na naman ako sa boss ko dahil nawawalan na naman ako ng isang unggoy. Umiinit na naman ang ulo ko. Eh bakit ba ganun?? Ang pakiramdam ko ay dahil sa mabait ako sa kanila.. inaabuso na naman ako. One of these days...mag te terminate na talaga ako ng tao. Ina nila. Pero hindi pa ngayon... understaffed kami.

Papasok na ko... kahit hindi pa ako natutulog. Ilang kape na naman ang lalagukin ko mamaya.. hindi ko alam. Mainit na ang ulo ko.. gudlak na lang sa kanila.

bored..but well

2007-08-05T02:07:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling you get on a Sunday?? Like you are having the most wonderful time and then out of the blue you felt like all the happiness are being sucked down in a pitch black of loneliness because you are thinking of the things that you need to do on a Monday morning? Fuck. i'm having that moment.. right about now.

Usapan sa Taas Bago magkaroon ng HEROES.

2007-08-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

(From Left to Right: Matt Parkman, Hiro Nakamura, Claire Benett, Peter Petrelli, Nathan Petrelli, Muhinder, Nikki Sanders, Micah Sanders, DL Hawkins, Isaac Mendes, Simone Deveraux)

San Pedro: Oooh..pila lang kayo. Huling tulak ngayon pababa sa lupa. Bilisan nyo at may sabong pa ko.
Peter Petrelli: Baba na po ako.
San Pedro: Teka lang, kasama ka ba sa batch ng mga superheroes?
Peter: Opo (sabay kamot ng ulo)
San Pedro : Ano nga powers mo ulit?
Peter: Ummm.. I think I'm a sponge. I can absorb any superpowers. Ako yata ang pinakamalakas.
San Pedro: Talaga?? Wow, galing. Akalain mong sa payat mong yan..BIG TIME ka pala.
Peter: ....
San Pedro: Oh, sino ka naman?
Hiro Nakamura: I'm Hiro Nakamura. I can travel through time and space. I can bend the time continuum.
San Pedro: Wow..continuum. Spell mo nga.
Hiro: Eh... pwede SHY na lang??
San Pedro: Huwag kang magpatawa. Kamukha mo nga si Herbert Bautista pero siya lang ang nag iisang Bistek.
Hiro:......
San Pedro: Psst.. teka lang.. bawal sumingit. Sino ka ba??
Claire Bennett: I'm Claire. I'm a cheerleader.
San Pedro: Eh ano naman ang pakialam ko??
Claire : I am invincible. I can regenerate.. even if I fall down from a 10000 ft building.
San Pedro : Hanep.. eh ako si San Pedro.. laban ka ba??
Claire: You're crazy.
San Pedro: Huwag kang maarte. Hala, sige! Balik dun sa pila.
Isaac Mendes : Are we going down or what??
San Pedro: Aha! i think I know you.. you're that junkie who can paint the future, right??
Isaac: Yeah. I think thats me.
San Pedro: Pakshet. English yun ah.
Isaac: ???
Nikki Sanders: Ilan po ba kaming ise send sa baba??
San Pedro: Huwag mo akong kausapin.. adok ka.
Sylar: I'm tired waiting. Can we go down now??
San Pedro: Hmmm.. so ikaw pala yung malupet na kalaban nilang lahat huh?? Ano nga yung powers mo ulit??
Sylar: I can see how certain things work. I can see through one's brain---
San Pedro: Ah, tama na! Walang kwenta powers mo kaya ninanakaw mo yung sa iba. Hala, sige! Balik dun sa pila.
Parkman:....
San Pedro: Hindi mo maririnig ang tots ko, tugak! Ispiritu ako, remember??
Parkman: Sorry naman.
DL: Can we go now??
San Pedro: AAAAAAAhhhh.. ano ka ba?? Bigla bigla kang sumusulpot! Sana kung tisoy ka di ba?? (*sabay bulong ng..NAPAKAPANGET na bata naman nito. Ano na naman kaya ang nilagok ng friend kong si God habang ginagawa nya to...NGIPAAAR....)
Muhinder: Let us go now, please??
San Pedro: Huwag ka ngang ATAT dyan! Wala ka namang superpowers.. nagmamadali ka. May lakad ka ba??
Muhinder: ....
San Pedro: Hinihintay lang natin ang grupong Xmen pagkatapos ay pwede na kayong bumaba.
Kel: Hi.
San Pedro: Hey..how do you do??
Kel: I'm doing great. Can I go down now??
San Pedro: Ok. Go ahead. You take care.
Kel: Thanks.
Peter: I cannot believe this. Why did you let her go?? She didn't even fall in line.
San Pedro: Ako ang batas dito.. wag kang epal.
Hiro: We need to save the world, you know. We have a mission.
San Pedro: Oo alam ko yan... SAVE THE CHEERLEADER. SAVE THE WORLD. Walang kakwenta kwentang punchline. Its freakin' lame, man!
Hiro: ....
Nathan Petrelli: Who is she anyway? Can she fly like me??
San Pedro: (tumawa ng malakas) Hindi mo alam kung sino yun?? I cannot believe you!
Muhinder: Tell us.. who is she?? What is her superpower?
San Pedro: Well.. its complicated. Ganito na lang.. sabihin natin na merong isang digmaan na mangyayari. Pagkatapos sa battlefield ay magsasagupaan ang dalawang grupo na may milyon- milyong tao.. sa gitna nun.. kapag umupo ang babaeng yun..walang digmaan na magaganap. UUWI na lang lahat.
DL: Huh???
Claire: Why??
San Pedro: Eh tatamarin ang lahat eh. Kaya uuwi na lang sila. Yun ang powers nya. PROCRASTINATION. Galeng noh??
Peter: Thats the dumbest thing I've heard.
San Pedro: Tanga!! Kaya ko nga siya pinauna kasi baka pag tumambay sya dito.. tamarin kayong lahat bumaba.. parang yung grupo lang ng BIOMAN nung isang linggo.
Nathan: Is that for real??
San Pedro: True that, homie. Oh ala sige... bumaba na kayo. Kapag nahirapan kayong iligtas ang mundo at gustong ipagpabukas na lang ang pagligtas dito.. hanapin nyo lang ang babaeng yun.
Nikki: How??
San Pedro: www.doriginaldramaqueen.blogspot.com. Just log in there.. and leave a message to the Drama Queen. Darating sya.. huwag nga lang sanang tamarin.

2007-08-04T14:14:00.001-07:00

Make your own dummy book at bigoo.ws

Mc: Where you been? You were out the whole week, I got really worried.
Kel: Really?
Mc: Yeah, really.
Kel: (shrugs) Wow. Funny, you didn't ask me where I was when you dumped me for the ex-girlfriend.
Mc: i just feel its awkward to ask.
Kel: (laughs) For what its worth.. thats the time when I really want you to ask, silly.

DEATH NOTE: ONE TWISTED MOVIE, AN AMATEUR REVIEW

2007-08-03T20:46:00.000-07:00

*This is a review of the movie, not the anime.

Short Background Check
Death Note is a Japanese manga series that was originally written by Tsugumi Ohba and illustrated by Takeshi Obata.Death Note was released last 2003 and made its way in the movie industry. The movie was produced by Warner Bros.,Japan last 2006. The plot centers around a college student, Light Yagami, who found a supernatural book that kills every human being by just simply writing their names on it. Light believes that by eliminating criminals and people who are guilty of hideous crimes will make the world a better place to live in. Although his father is a dedicated cop, he thinks that the law is not enough to serve justice. One rainy night he found a black book that belongs to one of the Shinigamis. Ryuk, the Death God, introduced himself to Light and explained the rules of the Death Note. Light was able to use the Death Note killing criminals side by side which created a big uproar to the media as well as to the National Police. They find it hard to believe that all of the victims suffered from a common heart attack by mere coincidence. Thus, the emergence of L, a world class detective is necessary. L became Light's smart and clever nemesis. And together, they use they maximized their capabilities to set traps at the expense of risking the lives of many people until they catch each other.

Watching Death Note reminds me of my Prison Break days where every moment just drives me at the edge of my seat. Only this time, the CGI is just breathtaking. It will be wise to watch the anime before watching the movie to fully understand each character's motives and well, to realize how well the japanese people worked their asses off to create a Ryuk and Rem that perfectly resemble the Shinigamis in the anime. They were able to create a good story plot even with the absence of some characters from the original anime itself. Light's idealisms and beliefs to create a perfect world can be really twisted tho. As Ryuk, claimed, Light fits the profile of a true death god better than him. Honestly.. where do the japs get this good story lines?? I was just amazed. I advise everyone to watch the first movie together with the sequel, LAST NOTE. Although, the last part of the movie is pretty predictable, I'd say they still deserve a solid 4 stars. I didn't give a full 5 stars because I think that they could have done better if they focused a bit more on Ryuk's motives as well. I just find it lousy that the only reason he let some human use this DEATH NOTE was based on the fact that he's just bored. The script also needs improvement, (tho i'm not completely sure about it because I watched it reading english subtitles the whole time) I just think that their lines are as not as powerful as it is in the anime. Nevertheless, Death Note is as ironic and exquisitely crooked that can leave you asking for more.. absorbed by the magnificent feeling of paradox just as you read the ending credits.

DEATH NOTE : THE RULES

The human whose name is written in this note shall die.
This note will not take effect unless the writer has the subject's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected.
If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the subject's name, it will happen.
If the cause of death is not specified, the subject will simply die of a heart attack.
After writing the cause of death, the details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.

False Rules

If the owner of the Death Note does not kill within 13 days of the last entry, he or she will die.
If the Death Note is burnt, destroyed, or otherwise damaged in any way, all those who have touched that Death Note will die.

Sources: Wikipedia, Image Shack

2007-08-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

Make your own dummy book at bigoo.ws

Nix: Should I go back to her?
Kel: Is that what you want?
Nix: What if she's the true happiness that I'm looking for?
Kel: Sweetie, when you are happy with the person.. you feel it. You don't call someone in the middle of the night asking that stupid question.
Nix: Yeah, I see where you're going with this. Bye.
Kel: Nite.

Fairy tales and Prince Charming

2007-08-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm sure that a typical innocent girl have dreams of a typical knight in shining armor. The one whose ethics are based on the foundation of chivalry and valor. That prince who will always be there to rescue in times of great danger... that one person who will risk his life to slay the dragon or take you away from a cruel step mum and ugly stepsisters who make your life miserable. Then for the sake of happily ever after.. he will let you ride in his white horse as the sun sets romantically in the vast horizon.. so that you can live with him in a beautiful castle where your love will blossom forever....CRAP.

At one point, girls grow up. They will learn that waiting for a prince charming to rescue her like a damsel in distress is really dumb.She will stumble down to a number of princes who are born to make her cry. Here it is in reality.. Snow White did wake up after choking from the evil apple.. she quit her job being the babysitter of the seven dwarfs and soon take her journey to work in a saloon. She worked her ass to afford insurance and realized that being a waitress is not enough to pay the rent and the bills. She worked hard in between two part time jobs to be able to pay for her tuition. She met boys and have sex with them. She buy her own birth control pills. She moves from one place to another as she meets different people. She dated a couple of junkies for fun.. she fell in love with a good guy and left him because he's just too good for her. She makes decisions on her own.. some good.. some bad.. some are just in between. She laughs. She cries. Her soul was shattered. Cracked. But soon she will be fixed again.

This is how it works really. Prince Charming is always a product of our hallucination.. or sometimes a fragment of our imagination. Sometimes they are just in time for our rescue.. sometimes they come way too late. They are creatures who at times, torn between confusion and hatred that needs to be rescued as well. We sometimes look for their horses when in times, they can't really afford one. I read a book once about a girl who was confronted by a prince. He asked her, "Would you like to ride my horse with me? I will bring you to my castle and we will live happily ever after." The girl smiled and replied, "Of course. But you can go ahead, if you want. I'm spending the whole afternoon looking for my own horse. If i find one and you can catch up with me, then I am most happy to see your castle." The prince nodded and whispered to himself, "She's a different one. I will certainly wait for her."

And so.. when the girl finally got a horse, the two rode together in the beautiful sunset and she tortures him.. happily ever after.

This is how a fairy tale should end. So the next time you ask me about Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty.. get a hold of yourself. They are so overrated.

bored and sick.. to death.

2007-07-31T19:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah.. i'm suffering from conjunctivitis. I'm locked up here.. watching TV and browsing the net. Can't blog properly because I'm in pain. I should see a doctor soon but I'm fuckin' lazy as usual. Here's what I'm thinking right now : HEROES sucks! I have 3 DVD players but none of them can play DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. Freakin' pirated discs!!

......

And yeah... you should check out my room! It looks like a fuckin' warehouse. Argh. I want to go back to work but I guess I won't be able to report till next week. Fuck.

on letting go..

2007-07-27T18:12:00.000-07:00

There are number of songs that are just too painful to hear.. just like familiar roads on my way home that hold great memories and pieces of conversation that rekindle the hurt, bitterness,sadness... and anguish that I've been feeling for a period of time. Last year, my heart was breaking whenever I passed by Quirino Avenue along the Depot Store where you will usually catch a heavy traffic jam going to my place. On this road.. sometime last year... the greatest confession of a guy tortured my soul. I dated this guy for about 3 months and I was hell sad when things didn't work out between the two of us. I can never forget that road.. and that guy.

Early this year.. same thing happened. I dreaded taking the route from Libis to Makati. I dated a guy who used to pick me up from work and drive me home after we had breakfast. Things changed and we stopped dating.

Now, don't get me wrong. They are good, charming, witty and good looking guys who have a superb sense of humor. At some point, I wanted to own them.. to be with them.. to give them the chance to love me and at some point, I was convinced that I was ready. But then the greatest realization came over me one day as I was taking the long walk home.. alone. I can never complete a person if I'm broken into thousand pieces. I cannot commit into taking part into someone else's life if I can't even justify my own decisions. I guess, unconsciously, these are my motives why I turned my back to these guys. I was confused.. taken by the current of their indecisiveness.. thrown in a pitch black of nothingness as I wait for the perfect sign to know if they are the right person for me. I was threading the path of WHAT IFs, when I myself can't even figure out the right decisions on my own. (taena.. ang labo noh? pero yun.. yun)

In life.. there are just things that you do and you don't do. Our willingness to do the right things are always driven by our emotions.. by our eagerness to find happiness.. by our desperate acts to belong. And somehow when we are approached by the fruits of certain circumstances that drove us to perform these actions.. we call it a DECISION that we've made. (taena.. mas malabo sya ngayon di ba?? eh baket ko ba kasi to ini explain sa english?? pede naman sa tagalog.. pero sympre.. kunwari deep akong tao.. kaya dapat may ganito.)

So here goes nothing.. I think life is an open road. We meet people and we let go of them. At most, we continue our journey while we bruised ourselves on the way..sometimes it takes time to stand up and sometimes we just give up when the wind knocked us down or when a detour is blocking our way. We usually stop walking..frightened of the dangers that might come ahead when we know that we're supposed to go on.. because somewhere in that open road.. someone is patiently waiting for us to help us take the long way path of uncertainty... destination.. unknown.

* the busy weekend *

2007-07-25T20:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna blog much today because I'm really tired. I received a text message in the wee hours of this morning from Alex asking me to call him. I was having my lunch break then.. at 4:00 am (that's right,friends!) Well anyways, I called him... a bit anxious because he usually calls me when he wants to talk to me. He answered... and I was like.. "'Zup, babe?", his voice seemed excited, "Someone wants to talk to you," and in a heartbeat I was hearing a familiar voice.. At first, I found it hard to believe. This can't be her.. then I finally blurted out with all the strength left in me.. "Ooooooh myyyyyy GoooooooD!!! Mama??" Yup. Its her. Alex's long lost mum. I wanted to jump in my seat then and there. I am so happy for Alex. He haven't seen her mum for the last 14 years. Straight. She sounded really happy to talk to me and i think I sounded cheesy. She told me that she's very excited to see me. I have been really looking forward to see her too.. we used to talk non stop on the phone for the last 7 years.

Alex went here to give me the "pasalubong" from her mum. As always.. she has excellent taste. So now.. we have an instant plan on the weekend. Supposedly, Alex and I planned to stay in my room and watch all the movies that we missed during the time when we're not seeing each other.. but then because of his mum's arrival.. we will be spending the whole sunday at Tita Bebet's to celebrate Tatay's birthday and her mum's coming back party. I can't wait. :) I've always loved his folks on his mum's side. We do a lot of crazy stuff together.. and talk about funny things. i told Alex that I'm having a busy week but he begged me to come. He said that this is important to him.. seeing the most special woman in his life talking to his mum. I waited for this, he said as he run his fingers through my hair. My heart melted and I said YES. Now don't get me wrong.. I really have a plan to go there.. I'm just playing hard to get. Its fun to see my boyfriend begs. He has this way of convincing me by giving me the puppy look and the great kiss...and...and....

We're just so happy... can't wait to see her Sunday!

the sad truth behind the mind of a self confessed insomniac

2007-07-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

The fuckin DSL didn't work the whole morning. From the point of view of a blog addict.. this means only one thing : WAR. Yeah, I called the DSL provider every 5 minutes and expressed my disappointments in different styles. First,I said that I'm trying to beat a deadline, second I grunted at the CSR while explaining that I need to submit an email that my boss needs in the next few minutes... my third reason I think was crystal fuckin' clear when I sarcastically blurted out that their service sucks big time then I threatened them that I'm pulling my account tomorrow.. and lastly... gosh.. you really don't want to know. The CSR said that they are going to send a technician to check on my pc but I replied with.. "yeah.. you don't want to do that because my 5 foot 10 dane has a bad temper when confronted by strangers.." there was an eerie awkward moment of silence, then the CSR finally assured me that they are putting me on the ASAP list. After a couple of minutes... I was able to connect. Eh tangina.. tatakutin lang pala. Buti na lang din hindi pumunta kasi wala naman talaga akong great dane.. labrador lang.. na tumatakbo at nagtatago sa ilalim ng lamesa kapag nakakakita ng daga.

here's the sad truth.. I am an insomniac. How I get this disorder.. I really don't know. There are times when I can feel the fatigue but I can't really get myself to sleep. Maybe because my mind speeds up when I feel peace. And the only remedy is blogging. Pouring out all the nonsense thoughts just to get a good night sleep. Fuck.. is this really insomnia? Or I'm just being weird?

A lot of things took place today in my so called pathetic.. boring.. monotonous.. slow paced life. First, I was caught speaking in Filipino in the training room hallway. The scenario kept on playing in my head and I keep on drafting solid excuses in my mind just in case the trainer send an email to Eunice by tomorrow. The embarrassing part was that I was caught with one of my CSRs.. plus the trainer was so kind on delivering the ENGLISH CAMPAIGN mission vision that made me want to cry and sing the APAC song (if there is any). She said that as a team lead I should adhere to the english only policy because I am one of the role models of the company. Yeah.. I know for a fact that she is telling the truth.. but I also think that as Filipino Citizens we should practice our patriotism by speaking in straight filipino during the LINGGO NG WIKA regardless if we are working in an american call center.. after all, we are still in Cubao, Philippines as we speak while the other employees are desperately trying to convince their callers that they are located in New Jersey, California, Wisconsin.. wherever. Yeah.. never mind me.. I'm blabbing. Here's to English Campaign.. may we all die of nosebleed as we comply with the policy 8 hours a day within the english premises. The GODS will give us a sympathetic pat on our back. And Satan will kick us out of hell. This is bitterness at its finest, friends.

Second, I sat the whole day staring at my monitor. Dumbfounded by the tons of emails that I'm getting. This is how a team lead's life should be. Bored to death with a shitload of paperworks.

Then of course.. there's the usual horseplaying and chat messages that made me roll on the floor while laughing. Thanks to my eccentric group of friends. Their ridiculous thoughts that were cleverly delivered really makes a boring day worthy. Plus playing Aerosmith and MCS in the background keeps me calm. Just like the old days when I was attached to someone and sending corny messages. Hey! We all go through that pace once in our lives. Yeah.. its ugly but its the truth. It was worth my while.

And.. oh yeah.. the cigarette and the coffee breaks. My favorite part of the day.. right, Abby? Hehe. As horizon agents we are always dying to get our asses off the call floor and smoke our hearts out. Believe me.. its more glorious when you become a TL.

How em I supposed to live my life on the next half of the year? Who the hell knows? Who the hell cares?? Line them up.. coffee cups and million packs of Marlboros.. then maybe I can figure it out. One day at a time.

Quotable quotes

2007-07-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

"Love can mend your life or love can break your heart."
-The Police, Message in a Bottle

"Every new beginning comes from some other's beggining's end.."
-Closing Time, Semisonic

the first half

2007-07-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

This blog entry is for my dearest friend, Daniel, who thinks that my blogspot is really interesting because he can't understand a word on it and for my friend Paolo who enjoys criticizing my works on his free time..So since you guys are there during my darkest times..here goes my unbearably nonsense piece.

Geez, i really dunno where to start. Its weird to write a review of the things that happened on the first half of the year. Ok. So my move to Libis was the first mark of the year. It was freakin lonely. I was getting over someone who shared a part of my life during the Christmas season. The move to Libis was not really a solid plan.. I said it a couple of times that I didn't move there for the wrong reasons.. but partly.. I guess I did. I was scared to stand on my own without my friends whom I've grown with for the last 3 years. I was hesitant to make friends, but as time passed by I realized that I was getting a head start and I'm automatically getting rid of the pain. Plus.. I was able to improve my knowledge with directions. (going to Libis back and forth was an adventure thats really impossible to miss, ladies and gentlemen!)

Come March, I was able to meet someone new. Though, things didn't work out the way that we planned it.. I still think that it was one hell of a ride. My summer was full of drama and big realizations that made me stronger now. I was impulsive as usual.. and confused.. and lonely... and weak. My emotions got the better of me.. I can't promise anything but I just know that when the same shit happen again... I know that I know better.

Work is work as usual. There are people who adore me but I'd still go with hate. I think a large number of reps really hate me. This is how I'm wired : LOVE ME, HATE ME.. I'm just being me. I was complained.. praised.. loved..liked..admired..and envied. These things never affect me. I still suck at deliverables though my reasoning skills did improve big time! :) (ask eunice!)

Mostly. I have learned to deal with pain. I realized that without it.. a person wouldn't feel real. I cried. I laughed. I grunted at life but I know for sure.. it will go on regardless of what I really feel towards it. I have learned to draw limitations and expectations from it. I have learned to fence unnecessary emotions without feeling pain. I have learned to accept my capabilities as a person without feeling less. I found a way to deal with my insecurities and my shortcomings. I have learned to let go of painful memories to make space for the happy ones. I realized that there is no logic behind love. Its just plain love as it is.

i bruised my knees. My wings were broken but were healed by time. I'm not saying that I'm the expert now.. hell no. The only difference is.. I just fuckin' know better this time.

Do your worst.

harry potter mania

2007-07-22T21:07:00.000-07:00

Can't wait for my copy!I wasn't able to get a reservation at FULLY BOOKED but I'm sure I'll get one this week. Ang sabi ni Nix.. mauubusan daw ako.. pero ganyan din ang sabi ng mga kaibigan ko sa kin nung lumabas ang HALF BLOOD PRINCE.

Magkukulong lang ako buong weekend. Pinahiram ko na ang PS2 ko kay Drama King kaya hindi kami magkikita ngayong linggo na to.

Hindi rin ako sasama sa despedida party ni Mikee. Sorry, man. I'll see you there na lang tsong!

At oo.. oo nga pala.. para dun sa chick na nagde dicate kay Drama King ng HOW CAN I TELL HER..na song... hehehhehehe. Alam ko pa ang lahat sa simula pa lang.. at ok lang sa ken yun. Hindi ako galit. Nakasama ko ng 7 taon si Drama King para hindi ko makabisado ang ugali nyan. Huwag kang mag alala... papaluin ko para sa yo! HAAHHAHAHA.. Magiging masaya ka rin.

At para sa mga kaibigan ko na walang magawa kundi magkwento ng Harry Potter.. eto ang dahilan kung bakit nagkulong lang ako ng buong linggo sa kwarto ko kasama si Drama King... ang dadaldal nyo!

At para sa bago kong stalker.. huuuy!!! magpatulog ka naman. Hindi ako yung nakita mong nagbabasa ng DADDY LONG LEGS!! Wrong send ka. oi!

At para kay McWakey... labo mo pa rin! Basta friends na tayo, man!

**Teka lang.. bakit naging message board to???

. my personal list of the jologs stuff.

2007-07-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko to dapat ginagawa.. dahil jologs din ako..pero sa totoo lang.. meron talagang mga ka jologs-an na hindi ko kayang maatim. May mga jologs stuff na cute naman.. depende sa nagdadala pero meron lang talaga na hindi ko kayang sikmurain.

50. Mga text messages na may ME at U. (Hyuccckz talaga ito.) Kapag tinext ako ng lalaki sa ganitong paraan.. o ng kahit sino man.. umiinit talaga ang ulo ko.
Ex. Nakatayo me dito sa may labas ng KFC. Nasan na ba U? (Sumpain na talaga ang nag imbento nito.. nakakadire!)

49. Mga taong kumakanta in public habang nakikinig sa IPOD nila o sa kahit ano mang pipitsuging na MP3 player. (Huuuuuy!! may mga taong gustong tahimik lang ang katabi nila habang nakasakay sa jeep no??) Kamusta naman kung maimbento pa ang walking magic sing?? Riot ito.

48. Mga grupo ng bading sa loob ng LRT na kumakanta ng Mariah Carey songs, Regine Velasquez at Dreamgirls theme!! (Ano ba naman kayo?? May mga magulang ba kayo??)

47. Mga taong nakikisindi ng yosi. (Ina naman mga tsong! Bibisyo bisyo.. wala kayong lighter??)

46. Mga mag jowa na nagpupuluputan sa loob ng jeep habang lumalanghap ng polusyon. (Karamihan ng mga gumagawa nito ay mga estudyante. Ang nakakapikon na parte dito ay kapag ayaw nilang maghiwalay kahit siksikan na sa jeep.. pagpipilitan pa rin ang mga sariling magkasya.)

45. Mga magsing irog na may tawagan na 'tart (short for sweetheart), babes at lab. Mandiri nga kayo!! Mga pulis lang at mga babaeng tine table nila ang pwedeng gumanito, no!

44. Mga babaeng nanghahampas sa kahit anong parte ng katawan ng kausap nila sabay tatawa ng malakas na para bang nagtagumpay ang planong pangingidnap.

43. Mga taong hindi alam ang rules ng taglish. Hahhahahah. Madalas namin itong pinagtatawanan ng kaibigan kong si Paolo.
Ex. Na-brought up, Na-worried at kung ano ano pa.

42. Mga taong malalakas ang boses na parang may inilalakong gulay kapag nagsasalita.

41. Mga babaeng naghahabol ng lalake kahit tinabla na sila. (Huuuuy!! Nakakahiya ang mga ginagawa nyo..)

40. Mga wrong send kunwari na messages na isang paraan ng pagpapansin sa isang taong walang interes sa yo.. o kaya sa ex o kaya sa crush mo na patay na patay ka. (yuck!)

39. Mga bisor na sumasablay ng malupit sa english grammar sa mga office correspondence. (Skwaking talaga!)

38. Mga taong nagda drama sa WOWOWEE. (hahhahaha.kakahiya.)

37. Mga taong kumakanta ng Itaktak mo in public! (wag naman kayong ganyan.. may LSS ako!!)

36. Mga taong may picture ni Judy Ann sa mga wallet nila. (need I say more???)

35. Mga taong may graduation pics at studio pics na ang background ay rainbow o light blue sa friendster. HAHAHHAHHAHA.

34. Mga babaeng may gold big bag na sobrang bakya ang kulay ng gold.

33. Mga maiitim na tao na may blond highlights sa buhok!! (Kala nyo cool?? Mukha kayong jmandaragat.)

32. Si Celso.

31. Mga bisayang nagcha chat na nag aambisyon na palarin sa mga foreigners. (Sina.. inday, maritis at tirisa!)

... hanggang dito na muna.. wala na akong maisip eh..pero sigurado ako na habang naglalakad ako bukas sa kahabaan ng PUREZA ay may maiisip ako ulit. Hehehhehe.

little becky

2007-07-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

enjoy the clips that I got while browsing the web. LIttle Becky rocks!!

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CLEVER CLEVER GIRL!!!

ENJOY GUYS!!!

.review.

2007-07-16T04:02:00.000-07:00

Sa tingin ko wala talaga akong karapatan na magbigay ng kahit na anong review sa pelikulang ito.. Unang una hindi ko napanuod ng buo ito dahil sa nakatulog ako sa loob ng sinehan.. hahhahaha. Wala na rin akong gana itong panuorin dahil baka makatulog ako ulit. Sa totoo lang.. ang nagustuhan ko lang talagang pelikula ng Harry Potter ay yung unang una.. yung mga sumunod ay inantok na ko. Siguro dahil sa nabasa ko na nga siya... pangalawa ay dahil sa mataas ang expectations ko dahil magaganda talaga yung libro ni J.K. Rowling. Sabi ko nga kay Drama King.. hindi ko na muna bibilin yung huling libro saka na lang pag napanuod ko na sa sine. Ewan ko lang kung makayanan ko. Hahahhaha. Ang pinakapaborito ko lang na part ng movie ay yung pahuli na.. nakita ko kasi si Helena Bonham Carter na ka-schoolmate ng ate nung ex ko sa Canada. Hahhahahah.. walang sense pero baka kaya ko rin gusto yun ay dahil sa yun lang yung part na gising ang diwa ko nung pinapanood ko na dahil sa papatapos na. Maganda rin pala yung part na inistorbo nung magkapatid na WEASLEY yung OWL examination. Eh hindi ko alam kung yun nga yung totoong nangyari sa libro.. kasi antagal ko nang hindi nabasa yun. Pero sa totoo lang.. ayun ang pinaka least favorite ko sa Harry Potter books dahil namatay si Sirius Black. Pero natuwa ako kay Luna Lovegood.. ganun talaga yung iniisip kong hitsura nya sa aking imagination.
*Naipangako na rin pala namin ni Drama King na hindi na kami manunood sa Gateway sa Sunday dahil bulok ang sistema nila!! Ang haba haba ng pila.. tapos kung ano ano ang pinag gagagawa ng staff nila. Eh yung sinehan nila nothing extraordinary naman dahil parang sa glorietta lang... isa lang naman yung may LA-Z boy dun!! Bulok sistema nyo, oi!! Magsarado na kayo!!

.drama 101.

2007-07-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko to kayang sabihin sa yo kaya dito na lang. Ang labo mo talaga. Kung kelan masaya na ko saka ka naman nagpaparamdam. Hindi kita tinalikuran dahil trip ko lang.. ang lahat ng bagay na ginawa ko ay may dahilan. Lumayo ako dahil gusto kitang bigyan ng pagkakataon para harapin ang iyong mga desisyon at panindigan ito. Hindi ako gumagawa ng desisyon para saktan ka.. at makasakit ng ibang tao.. lahat ng yun.. pinag isipan ko. Alam ko na hindi ka masaya.. nararamdaman ko yun.. pero hindi kita tinanong kahit minsan dahil alam kong magsisinungaling ka. Marahil alam mo na.. na may iba na.. wag mong sasabihin na mabilis dahil sa bawat pagkakataon na kinakalimutan kita.. naging malungkot ako. Dumating lang talaga ang pagkakataon kung saan pinili kong tapusin na ang mga drama at magpatuloy ng wala ka. Hindi kita tinanong kung bakit sa isang iglap ay nawala ka... basta ang alam ko lang.. inintindi kita. Kahit masakit. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit nakawala ako sa lungkot ng hindi nagagalit sa yo. Hindi ako perpektong tao..aaminin ko na maraming beses akong naging mahina sa yo.. maraming beses na nalito pero nung mawala ka.. naisip ko matapos ang walang katapusan na pag iisip na minahal natin ang isat isa kahit wala tayong pagkakataon na aminin ito.. Huwag mo akong sumbatan. Huwag mo na akong pilitin na magbalik pa.. dahil tapos na ang lahat. Masaya na ako ngayon. Hindi nga lang sa yo pero sana maging masaya ka para sa kin bilang kaibigan ko... dahil naging masaya rin ako nung mga sandaling sya ang pinili mo kahit alam kong ako ang mahal mo.

.malapit na!.

2007-07-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

hello fans!! malapit na. :) Hindi ko na mahintay! Isang buwan na lang! Ano na kaya ang mangyayari? Excited na ko! Walang tigil na naman akong magku kwento nito sa mga reps ko tuwing yosi breaks namin!! HAHHAHAHAH. Hindi na ko makapaghintay! Malapit naaaaaa... Kung gusto nyo nga pala mag leave ng message kay Wentworth Miller ay pede kayong mag leave ng comment sa guestbook ko. Sasabihin ko na lang the next time na magkita kami.. dapat kasi sa sabado kami magkikita eh kaso lang wala akong time dahil aatend ako ng party ni Magz. Pero i promise you guys.. sasabihin ko talaga.

p.s.

ang comments sa taas ay binabawi ko na.. baka bigla na lang akong kuyugin ng mga babae. Hindi po totoo yun! EXORCIST mode lang ako ngayon.

.ang unang comment,

2007-07-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

Natuwa ako nung makita kong may nag comment sa isa sa mga entries ko.

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

July 1, 2007 12:28 PM

Naintindihan mo ba? Juskulord.. parang sinusubukan nya akong bentahan ng mais. Eh kamusta naman? Parang sa palagay ko ay binebentahan nya ako ng kamiseta na may free na mais. HAHAHHAHAH.

Eto na rin pala ang pagkakataon ko para pasalamatan ang mga bumibisita ng blog ko. Salamat sa mga comments. Pwede nyo naman na wag nang gawin personal yung comments nyo.. hindi malalaman ng mga tao kung sino kayo dahil pwede naman kayong mag imbenta ng screen name at hindi required na iwanan nyo ang email address nyo.Kaya naman hindi mo na kailangan mag alala Spiderman, Batman at Optimus Prime.. ang identities nyo ay mananatiling sekreto! Pero salamat na rin ng marami! Malapit ko nang matapos ang website ko. Medyo kasi marami lang akong tinatapos ngayon. Pero marami akong malalagay dun na walang sense..hahahhahahah.

Sa mga kaibigan ko na palaging tumatawag sa kin dahil napapatawa ko sila sa tuwing babasahin nila ang blog ko, salamat ng marami. Kayo ang inspirasyon ko. Hindi ko talaga ginawang english ang blog na to dahil gusto kong gamitin ang wika na naiintindihan ng bawat Kamote. Salamat salamat

P.S.

Pagbigyan nyo na ko.. nag hahalucinate lang! HAHHAHAHHAHHAHA.